Description:When Bart wins a KBBL radio contest, the DJ's Bill and Marty give him the choice of $10,000 or an elephant, thinking that nobody would ever accept the dud prize. Bart does, but the station cannot deliver. With their jobs at stake, they arrange for a full grown elephant to be delivered to the house. Bart names the elephant Stampy. They realize keeping an elephant is too costworthy and it cannot stay in their backyard. Homer sells Stampy to an ivory dealer, but before he can claim him, Bart sets the elephant free. Bart insists that Homer give Stampy to an animal refuge, but Homer wants the money from the ivory dealer. Homer gets stuck in a tar pit and Stampy pulls him to safety. Grateful to Stampy for saving his life, Homer gives the elephant to the refuge.
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Homer: Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.
Homer: You never know when an old calendar might come in handy. Sure, it's not 1985 now, but who knows what tomorrow will bring?
Bart: I am not leaving... without my elephant.
[Homer & Bart are tossed out the door]
Bart: WHERE'S MY ELEPHANT?!
[DJs put on music with Bart screaming in background. The station is on at the old folk's home.]
Abe: Hey, they're playing the elephant song.
Jasper: Ah I love that song... reminds me of elephants.
_________________ Gotta say it now.... better loud than too late.
Joined: Sun Oct 17, 2004 4:56 pm Posts: 19957 Location: Jenny Lewis' funbags
Great episode...pretty much everything involving the irory dealer is priceless.
Blackheart: All right, I'll be back in the morning to pick up Stampy.
Homer: Here's the keys.
Blackheart: Elephants don't have keys.
Homer: Well, I'll just keep these then.
Lisa: Dad, I think he's an ivory dealer! His boots are ivory, his hat is ivory, and I'm pretty sure that check is ivory.
Homer: Lisa, a guy who's got lots of ivory is less likely to hurt Stampy than a guy whose ivory supplies are low.
Homer: Look at this, Marge: $58 and all of it profit! I'm the smartest businessman in the world.
Marge: Stampy's food bill today was $300.
Homer: Marge, please, don't humiliate me in front of the money.
Lisa: "Mr. Blackheart, are you an ivory dealer?"
Mr. Blackheart: "Well, I've had lots of jobs in my day: whale hunter, seal clubber, president of the fox network. And, like most people, yeah I've dealt a little ivory.
[Homer hits a steel deer statue with his car]
Homer: D'oh!
Lisa: A deer!
Marge: A female deer!
Joined: Sun Oct 17, 2004 4:52 pm Posts: 6822 Location: NY Gender: Male
Warden: Well, animals are not like people, Mrs. Simpson. Some of them act badly because they've had a hard life, or have been mistreated...but, like people, some of them are just jerks. Stop that, Mr. Simpson.
Joined: Mon Oct 18, 2004 4:25 am Posts: 17123 Location: Maspeth, NY Gender: Male
Marge: I really think this is a bad idea.
Homer: Marge, I agree with you -- in theory. In theory, communism works. In theory.
Homer: Oh, everything's cruel according to you. Keeping him chained up in the back yard is cruel. Pulling on his tail is cruel. Yelling in his ears is cruel. Everything is cruel. Well, excuse me if I'm cruel!
[A bird lands on Stampy & starts to peck at him]
Homer: That bird! He's killing the elephant. Stop him!
Lisa: No, Dad, he's grooming him.
Homer: [crafty] Grooming him, eh?
[later, at home] Marge: Ooh, Homer, there's a bird on your head!
Homer: I know. He's grooming me. Mmm...elephant fresh.
_________________ Gotta say it now.... better loud than too late.
Joined: Mon Oct 18, 2004 12:07 pm Posts: 437 Location: Melbourne, Australia Gender: Male
Boss: This is the DJ 3000. It plays CDs automatically, and it has
three distinct varieties of inane chatter.
DJ 3000: Hey, hey. How about that weather out there?
Woah! That was the caller from hell.
Well, hot dog! We have a weiner.
Bill: Man, that thing's great!
Marty: Don't praise the machine!
Boss: If you don't get that kid an elephant by tomorrow, the DJ 3000
gets your job.
DJ 3000: Those clowns in congress did it again. What a bunch of clowns.
Bill: How does it keep up with the news like that?
Lisa: Mom! Dad! Bart and Stampy are gone!
Marge: Oh my Lord!
Lisa: I bet it's 'cause of that horrible ivory dealer,
Dad.
Homer: He took Bart too? That wasn't part of our deal, Blackheart!
_________________ "Alcohol and night swimming...it's a winning combination" - Lenny Leonard
Joined: Tue Mar 22, 2005 10:49 am Posts: 7777 Location: In your pants
MF wrote:
Great episode...pretty much everything involving the irory dealer is priceless.
Blackheart: All right, I'll be back in the morning to pick up Stampy. Homer: Here's the keys. Blackheart: Elephants don't have keys. Homer: Well, I'll just keep these then.
Lisa: Dad, I think he's an ivory dealer! His boots are ivory, his hat is ivory, and I'm pretty sure that check is ivory. Homer: Lisa, a guy who's got lots of ivory is less likely to hurt Stampy than a guy whose ivory supplies are low.
Homer: Look at this, Marge: $58 and all of it profit! I'm the smartest businessman in the world. Marge: Stampy's food bill today was $300. Homer: Marge, please, don't humiliate me in front of the money.
Lisa: "Mr. Blackheart, are you an ivory dealer?" Mr. Blackheart: "Well, I've had lots of jobs in my day: whale hunter, seal clubber, president of the fox network. And, like most people, yeah I've dealt a little ivory.
[Homer hits a steel deer statue with his car] Homer: D'oh! Lisa: A deer! Marge: A female deer!
This is the reason I requested this episode (thanks Lost Dog!).I dont think I saw the rest of the show as I was laughing so hard. Hahaha Im cracking up just reading this thread, thoseother quotes are pants wettingly hilarious too. As well as the elephant song, although Jasper always cracks me up...him and Hans Moleman are highly underused.
Definately one of my favourite episodes. In future can we have in the title which series it is from if at all possible?
_________________ Baby there's something about the hula.....
Joined: Mon Oct 18, 2004 4:25 am Posts: 17123 Location: Maspeth, NY Gender: Male
NewZealandJamFan wrote:
MF wrote:
Great episode...pretty much everything involving the irory dealer is priceless.
Blackheart: All right, I'll be back in the morning to pick up Stampy. Homer: Here's the keys. Blackheart: Elephants don't have keys. Homer: Well, I'll just keep these then.
Lisa: Dad, I think he's an ivory dealer! His boots are ivory, his hat is ivory, and I'm pretty sure that check is ivory. Homer: Lisa, a guy who's got lots of ivory is less likely to hurt Stampy than a guy whose ivory supplies are low.
Homer: Look at this, Marge: $58 and all of it profit! I'm the smartest businessman in the world. Marge: Stampy's food bill today was $300. Homer: Marge, please, don't humiliate me in front of the money.
Lisa: "Mr. Blackheart, are you an ivory dealer?" Mr. Blackheart: "Well, I've had lots of jobs in my day: whale hunter, seal clubber, president of the fox network. And, like most people, yeah I've dealt a little ivory.
[Homer hits a steel deer statue with his car] Homer: D'oh! Lisa: A deer! Marge: A female deer!
This is the reason I requested this episode (thanks Lost Dog!).I dont think I saw the rest of the show as I was laughing so hard. Hahaha Im cracking up just reading this thread, thoseother quotes are pants wettingly hilarious too. As well as the elephant song, although Jasper always cracks me up...him and Hans Moleman are highly underused. Definately one of my favourite episodes. In future can we have in the title which series it is from if at all possible?
If I can fit it, it'll be in the title... if not, it'll be mentioned first in the post.
_________________ Gotta say it now.... better loud than too late.
Joined: Mon Oct 18, 2004 4:25 am Posts: 17123 Location: Maspeth, NY Gender: Male
Homer: Look at these bills: chains for elephant. Shots for elephant. "Oversized decorative poncho"?!
Bart: Technically it's for a giraffe, but I think I can let it out a little.
Homer: Well these bills will have to paid out of your allowance.
Bart: You'll have to raise my allowance to about $1000 a week.
Homer: Then that's what I'll do, smart guy.
^^:haha: [doorbell rings]
Girl: Can we see the elephant?
Boy: We'll pay you money...
Homer: For the ninth time, no!
[slams door; doorbell rings again]
Wait a minute...this gives me an idea.
[hammers a "Go away" sign into the ground outside]
Bart: Uh, here's a better sign, Dad.
["See the elephant, $1. Ride the elephant, $2"]
Homer: I don't have time to read it. Just give me the gist of it, son.
Bart: OK, bud, very quietly: let's just sneak through --
[Stampy brushes him off and tromps off]
Stampy!
[walks through the Flanders' yard]
Ned: [gasps] It's the four elephants of the apocalypse!
Maude: That's horsemen, Ned.
Ned: Well, getting closer.
[Stampy pulls Homer from the tar pit]
Homer: I'm alive. I'm alive! And I owe it all to this feisty feline.
Lisa: Dad, "feline" means "cat".
Homer: Elephant, honey. It's an elephant.
_________________ Gotta say it now.... better loud than too late.
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That always makes me crack up.
