Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: I am Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, your senior drill instructor. From now on you will speak only when spoken to, and the first and last words out of your filthy sewers will be sir. Do you maggots understand that?
Recruits: Sir, yes sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Bullshit I can't hear you. Sound off like you got a pair.
Recruits: SIR, YES SIR!

***************************

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Are you quitting on me? Well, are you? Then quit, you slimy fucking walrus-looking piece of shit. Get the fuck off of my obstacle. Get the fuck down off of my obstacle. Now. Move it. I'm going to rip your balls off, so you cannot contaminate the rest of the world. I will motivate you, Private Pyle, if it short-dicks every cannibal on the Congo.

****************

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Today... is Christmas! There will be a magic show at zero-nine-thirty! Chaplain Charlie will tell you about how the free world will conquer Communism with the aid of God and a few marines! God has a hard-on for marines because we kill everything we see! He plays His games, we play ours! To show our appreciation for so much power, we keep heaven packed with fresh souls! God was here before the Marine Corps! So you can give your heart to Jesus, but your ass belongs to the Corps! Do you ladies understand?

******************

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: If you ladies leave my island, if you survive recruit training, you will be a weapon. You will be a minister of death praying for war. But until that day you are pukes. You are the lowest form of life on Earth. You are not even human, fucking beings. You are nothing but unorganized grabastic pieces of amphibian shit. Because I am hard you will not like me. But the more you hate me the more you will learn. I am hard but I am fair. There is no racial bigotry here. I do not look down on niggers, kikes, wops or greasers. Here you are all equally worthless. And my orders are to weed out all non-hackers who do not pack the gear to serve in my beloved Corps. Do you maggots understand that?

**********************

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: How tall are you, private?
Private Cowboy: Sir, five-foot-nine, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Five-foot-nine, I didn't know they stacked shit that high.

*************************

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Who said that? Who the fuck said that? Who's the slimy little communist shit, twinkle-toed cocksucker down here who just signed his own death warrant? Nobody, huh? The fairy fucking godmother said it. Out-fucking-standing. I will PT you all until you fucking die. I'll PT you until your assholes are sucking buttermilk.
[Gunnery Sgt. Hartman grabs Pvt. Cowboy by the shirt]
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Was it you, you scroungy little fuck, huh?
Private Cowboy: Sir, no Sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: You little piece of shit you look like a fucking worm, I bet it was you.
Private Cowboy: Sir, no Sir!
Private Joker: Sir, I said it, Sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Well, no shit. What do we have here, a fucking comedian! Private, Joker! I admire your honesty. Hell, I like you, you can come over to my house and fuck my sister!
[Gunnery Sgt. Hartman punches Pvt. Joker in the stomach]
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: You little scumbag! I got your name, I got your ass! You will not laugh, you will not cry, you will learn by the numbers, I will teach you! Now get up off your face! Pvt. Joker you better unfuck yourself before I unscrew your head and shit down your neck!
Private Joker: Sir, Yes sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Private Joker, why did you join my beloved Corps!
Private Joker: Sir, to kill, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: So you're a killer!
Private Joker: Sir, yes sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Then let me see your war face!
Private Joker: [nervously] Sir?
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: You got a war face! ARRRRRRRRRGH! That's a war face, let me see your war face!
Private Joker: Ahhhh!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Bullshit, you didn't convince me, let me see your REAL war face!
Private Joker: Ahhhhhh!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: You still don't scare me! Work on it!
Private Joker: Sir, yes sir!

**********************

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Oh that's right, Private Pyle, don't make any fucking effort to get to the top of the fucking obstacle. If God would have wanted you up there he would have miracled your ass up there by now, wouldn't he?

******************

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Were you born a fat, slimy, scumbag puke pieca' shit Private Pyle, or did you have to work on it?

************************

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: I'll bet you're the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddam common courtesy to give him a reach-around. I'll be watching you.

*************************

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Do you think I'm cute Private Pyle; do you think I'm funny?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, no, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Then wipe that disgusting grin off your face.
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, yes, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Well any fucking time sweetheart!
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, I'm trying, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Private Pyle I'm gonna give you three seconds; exactly three-fucking-seconds to wipe that stupid looking grin off your face or I will gouge out your eyeballs and skull-fuck you!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: ONE! TWO! THREE!
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, I can't help it, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Bullshit! Get on your knees scumbag.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Now choke yourself.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Goddamn it, with my hand numb nuts.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Don't pull my fucking hand over there. I said choke yourself; now lean forward and choke yourself.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: [choking Pyle] Are you through grinning?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, yes, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Bullshit, I can't hear you.
Private Gomer Pyle: [Louder] Sir, yes, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Bullshit, I still can't hear you. Sound off like you've got a pair.
Private Gomer Pyle: SIR, YES, SIR!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: That's enough; get on your feet. Private Pyle you had best square your ass away and start shitting me Tiffany cufflinks or I will definitely fuck you up.
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, yes, sir.

*******************

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Bullshit. It looks to me like the best part of you ran down the crack of your mama's ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress.

*****************

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: What is your major malfunction, numbnuts? Didn't Mommy and Daddy show you enough attention when you were a child?

**************

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Pyle, you climb obstacles like old people fuck.

******************

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Tonight, you men will sleep with your rifles. You will give your rifle a girl's name because this is the only pussy you people are going to get. Your days of finger-banging ol' Mary J. Rottencrotch through her pertty pink panties are over! You're married to this piece. This weapon of iron and wood. And you will be faithful.

*********************

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Private Joker!
Private Joker: Sir, yes, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Forty-two twelve, basic military journalism. You gotta be shitting me! You think you're Mickey Spillane? You think you're some kind of fucking writer?
Private Joker: Sir, I wrote for my high-school newspaper, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Jesus H. Christ, Joker! You're not a writer, you're a killer!
Private Joker: A killer, yes sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Gomer Pyle! GOMER PYLE!
Private Gomer Pyle: [stares blankly] SIR, YES SIR!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: You forget your fucking name? Oh-three-hundred, infantry! You made it!

*************************

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Private Joker, do you believe in the Virgin Mary?
Private Joker: Sir, no, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Well Private Joker, I don't believe I heard you correctly.
Private Joker: Sir, the private said "no, sir," sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Why you little maggot, you make me want to vomit.
[Slaps Joker]
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: You Goddamn communist heathen, you had best sound off that you love the Virgin Mary, or I'm gonna stomp your guts out.

*****************************

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Holy dog shit. Texas? Only steers and queers come from Texas, Private Cowboy. And you don't look much like a steer to me so that kinda narrows it down. Do you suck dicks?

******************************

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Did your parents have any children that lived?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, yes, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: I'll bet they regret that. You're so ugly you could be a modern art masterpiece.

*****************************

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: When you two pukes are done here, I want you to clean the head.
Joker and Cowboy: Sir, yes, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: I want that head so sanitary and squared-away that the Virgin Mary herself would be proud to go in and take a dump.

*******************************

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Are you shook up? Are you nervous?
Private Cowboy: Sir, I am, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Do I make you nervous?
Private Cowboy: Sir?
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: "Sir" what? Were you about to call me an asshole?

****************************

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: What's your excuse?
Private Cowboy: Sir, excuse for what, sir?
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: I'm asking the fucking questions here private. Do you understand?
Private Cowboy: Sir, yes, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Well thank you very much, can I be in charge for a while?
Private Cowboy: Sir, yes, sir.

***************************

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: What's your name fat-body?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, Leonard Lawrence, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Lawrence? Lawrence what of Arabia?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, No, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: That name sounds like royalty are you royalty?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, No, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Do you suck dicks?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, No, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Bullshit. I bet you could suck a golfball through a garden hose.
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, No, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: I don't like the name Lawrence, only faggots and sailors are called Lawrence. From now on you're Gomer Pyle.

***************************

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Holy Jesus! What is that? What the fuck is that? WHAT IS THAT, PRIVATE PYLE?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, a jelly doughnut, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: A jelly doughnut?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, yes, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: How did it get here?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, I took it from the mess hall, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Is chow allowed in the barracks, Private Pyle?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, no, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Are you allowed to eat jelly doughnuts, Private Pyle?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, no, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: And why not, Private Pyle?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, because I'm too heavy, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Because you are a disgusting fat body, Private Pyle!
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, yes, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Then why did you try to sneak a jelly doughnut in your foot locker, Private Pyle?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, because I was hungry, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Because you were hungry...
[turns and addresses rest of platoon]
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Private Pyle has dishonored himself and dishonored his platoon. I have tried to help Private Pyle. I have failed. I have failed because YOU have not given Private Pyle the proper motivation! So, from now on, whenever Private Pyle fucks up, I will not punish him! I will punish all of YOU! And the way I see it, ladies, you owe me for ONE JELLY DOUGHNUT! NOW, GET DOWN ON YOUR FACES!
[rest of recruits get in front-leaning-rest position, Hartman turns to Pyle]
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Open your mouth!
[shoves jelly doughnut into PYLE's mouth]
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: They're payin' for it; YOU eat it!

***********************

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: What's your name, scumbag?
Private Snowball: Sir, Private Brown, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Bullshit! From now on your name is Private Snowball. Do you like your new name?
Private Snowball: Sir, yes, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Well I'll tell you one thing you won't like, Private Snowball: they don't serve fried chicken and watermelon on a daily basis in my mess hall.

**************************

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: [calling out to platoon] Left shoulder, hut!
[Pyle accidentally puts his rifle on his right shoulder, then corrects quickly, but not before Hartman sees it. He walks up on him]
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Private Pyle, what are you trying to do to my beloved Corps?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, I don't know, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: You are dumb, Private Pyle, but do you expect me to believe you don't know left from right?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, no, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Then you did that on purpose! You wanna be different!
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, no, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: [slaps Pyle hard on the left hand side of his face] What side was that, Private Pyle?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, left side, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: [shouts] Are you sure, Private Pyle?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, yes, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: [slaps him hard again, this time on right side of his face, knocking his hat off]
[shouts]
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: What side was that, Private Pyle?
Private Gomer Pyle: [nearly in tears] Sir, right side, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Don't fuck with me again, Pyle! Pick up your fuckin' cover!
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, yes, sir!
***************

The guy who plays him was a real gunnery sgt.

I can't stop laughing when reading this.