Description:Homer's drivers license is revoked after he is arrested for drink-driving. He also must attend alcoholics anonymous meetings. Meanwhile, Lisa conducts an experiment for the science fair to determine which is smarter, Bart or a hamster? The hamster comes out on top, but Bart discovers her plans and kidnaps the hamster for his own little show at the fair. He dresses the hamster up and sticks him in an aeroplane, demonstrating that hamsters can fly. He receives first prize. Homer makes it one month without a beer and rushes to Moes. After seeing the state his bar friends were in, he puts the beer down and goes for a bike ride with Marge instead.
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Marge: Hello?
Wiggum: Uh, Mrs. Simpson, I have some bad news. Your husband was found DOA.
Marge: Oh, my God! He's dead?
Wiggum: Oh, wait. I mean DWI. Heh, heh, heh. I always get those two mixed up. [hangs up phone]
[at that moment, a lady arrives at the police station]
Woman: My name's Mrs. Phillips. You said my husband's DWI.
Wiggum: [stalling] Uhhhh, why don't you talk to that officer over there. I'm going out to lunch. [runs off]
Wiggum: Now if any of you ever think of drinking and driving again, this film will scare the pants off of you.
[shows movie, but it's of Wiggum in Speedos, in a kiddie pool]
Woman: Aaah!
Wiggum: Guys, guys, this is the wrong movie.
The footage is shown. Everyone in the audience seems horrified (one guy almost loses his lunch) except Homer. Troy McClure: Here's an appealing fellow -- in fact, they're a-peeling him off the sidewalk.
Homer: Heheheh, it's funny 'cause I don't know him.
Ned: My name is Ned.
All: Hello, Ned!
Ned: It's been 4,000 days since my last drink. It was my first -- and last -- blackberry schnapps.
[flashback of Ned and Maude in bed]
Maude: Ned, did you clip Ann Landers today?
Ned: [climbing into bed] Ann Landers is a boring old biddy!
Maude: [gasps] Ned!
[back to reality (BTR)]
Ned: [sobbing] I was more animal than man!
_________________ Gotta say it now.... better loud than too late.
Last edited by LostDog1079 on Thu Aug 10, 2006 9:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Joined: Mon Oct 18, 2004 4:25 am Posts: 17123 Location: Maspeth, NY Gender: Male
Otto: My name is Otto, I looove to get blotto.
Milhouse: Behold gravity in all its glory!
[pushes a Slinky down an inclined 2-by-4. It goes one step, then stops]
Edna: Pretty lame, Milhouse.
Homer: [while imagining an alcohol-fueled car being filled up]
One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me.
Patty: Thank you all for coming. We've got some very interesting new developments in the field of Supperware.
Selma: Uh, huh. This is the 128-ounce tub. You can fit your whole head in it. [demonstrates and looks at Jub-Jub] Don't be scared Jub-jub; it's momma.
Homer: [sotto voce] I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.
_________________ Gotta say it now.... better loud than too late.
Joined: Mon Oct 18, 2004 4:25 am Posts: 17123 Location: Maspeth, NY Gender: Male
When I was 17,
I drank some very good beer.
I drank some very good beer I purchased with a fake ID.
My name was Brian McGhee,
I stayed up listening to Queen.
When I was 17...
_________________ Gotta say it now.... better loud than too late.
Joined: Sun Oct 17, 2004 4:52 pm Posts: 6822 Location: NY Gender: Male
LostDog1079 wrote:
When I was 17, I drank some very good beer. I drank some very good beer I purchased with a fake ID. My name was Brian McGhee, I stayed up listening to Queen. When I was 17...
One of the greatest moments in Simpsons history. I find myself often humming and/or singing this. Usually drawing odd looks, but it's all worthwhile for the knowing glances.
Joined: Mon Oct 18, 2004 12:07 pm Posts: 437 Location: Melbourne, Australia Gender: Male
Homer: Well, time to go to work.
Homer's brain: Little do they know I'm ducking out early to take the
Duff Brewery tour.
Homer: Roll in at nine, punch out at five, that's the plan.
Homer's brain: Heh, heh, heh. They don't suspect a thing....Well, off to the plant.
Homer: Then to the Duff Brewery.
Homer's brain: Uh, oh. Did I say that or just think it?
Homer: I've got to think of a lie fast!
Marge: Homer, are you going to the Duff Brewery?
Homer: Aah!
Some Kid: Can I touch it
His Dad: I've worked too long and hard on this for you to screw it up
now.
Some Kid: But it's got my name on it.
His Dad: Just stand over there! Over there!
Homer: Stupid bicycle, can't believe this. No good rotten....Hehehe, I guess It's not all bad
and of course...
Moleman: My name is Hans. Drinking has ruined my life. I'm 31 years old!
_________________ "Alcohol and night swimming...it's a winning combination" - Lenny Leonard
Some Kid: Can I touch it
His Dad: I've worked too long and hard on this for you to screw it up
now.
Some Kid: But it's got my name on it.
His Dad: Just stand over there! Over there!
hahahaha brilliant
and homer laughing at the car accidents is priceless
_________________ GO LEAFS GO GO LEAFS GO GO LEAFS GO
GO LEAFS GO GO LEAFS GO GO LEAFS GO
GO LEAFS GO GO LEAFS GO GO LEAFS GO
GO LEAFS GO GO LEAFS GO GO LEAFS GO
GO LEAFS GO GO LEAFS GO GO LEAFS GO
Joined: Mon Oct 18, 2004 6:30 am Posts: 2118 Location: Dublin, Ireland
Love homers escape from the factory
Homer rolls into the plant at nine. The employees file cattle-like
through the entrance. When one hapless worker bends down to tie his
shoe, the guard encourages him to move on with a well-aimed kick to
the rear. Homer reads a tattered map: "If the plant ye wish to flee,
go sector 7-B." Homer ducks through the door to sector 7-B. On the
other side is a long, dark tunnel with many pipes running along the
ceiling. Moving intrepidly down the tunnel, Homer is started when he
bumps into a skeleton. Before he has much time to contemplate what
fate befell that guy, a huge purple spider appears. Homer consults
his map: "To remove the spider's curse, simply quote a Bible verse."
But he is stuck at "Thou shalt not..." and simply throws a rock at
it, knocking it out, and leaps out the window. Outside the plant,
Barney waits for Homer in his car. There is a mattress tied to the
roof, presumably to cushion Homer's fall.
Hey! That looks like Princess Di.
[drives forward a few feet. Homer slams into the ground just behind
the car]
Aw, wait, it's just a pile of rags
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