Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.

Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.

Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.

Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.

When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer fucking hates lemonade.

Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.

Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better fucking do it.

When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.

Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.

Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.

Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.

If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.

In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the fuck have you done with your life?

In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.

If you send someone to kill Jack Bauer, the only thing you accomplish is supplying him a fresh set of weapons to kill you with.

You walk into a bar and Jack Bauer's your wingman, you're probably gonna get laid.

Jack Bauer's family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.

When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.

These are pretty funny but I think they have been posted before, or maybe a link was.

I don't laugh out loud often when reading a message board, but I did for this post.

Somebody on this board has my favorite line about Jack Bauer as their signature, and it's along the lines of:

"Jack Bauer could get off the Lost island in 24 hours."

I don't know why that cracks me up.