Rudy Can’t Believe How Gay New Vince Papale Movie Is


PHILADELPHIA--Rudy Ruettiger, motivational speaker and inspiration for the hit movie Rudy, saw the new Disney film Invincible last night and reported that it was “the gayest piece of crap [he] had ever seen.”

Invincible tells the story of Vince Papale, a 30-year-old bartender who overcomes tremendous odds to land a spot on the Philadelphia Eagles. It echoes Ruettiger’s own story in Rudy, but according to Ruettiger, it's a sad imitation of that movie.

“That was horrible. What a piece of crap,” Ruettiger said, upon leaving the premier. “It was formulaic, trite, and hokey. And that Mark Wahlberg guy has the charisma of a wooden post. You want to see a great actor? Check out Sean Aston in Rudy, the movie about my life. It’s an Oscar-worthy performance. It’s about triumph of the human spirit, and it makes Invincible look like a steaming pile of shit.”

Rudy depicts the real life story of a young Ruettiger’s quest to make the Notre Dame football team. Like Papale, Ruettiger faced overwhelming odds but refused to abandon his dream of running onto the field with the Fighting Irish. Eventually his dream came true, and the resulting film is one of them most beloved sports movies of all time.

“Rudy is a classic, because my story is a classic,” Ruettiger continued. “Here’s a kid who was 5 foot nothin and 100 and nothin and didn’t have a speck of athletic ability. Yet I made the team because I had heart and determination. Compare that to Papale, who was already playing semi-pro ball in the World Football League. So he went from semi-pro to pro? Wow. That’s quite a leap. My nephew just made the leap from Pop Warner to the JV squad at his high school. Should we call Disney and Universal and start a bidding war?”

Ruettiger did give some credit to Invincible, indicating that it was competently directed and moderately well-written.

“Look, I don’t want to totally bash the movie. It had it’s moments. But let’s not forget who the true inspiration for this movie was: It was me, Rudy Ruettiger. My movie provided the blueprint for this movie. I’m surprised they didn’t have me on as a consultant. I could have given them some decent advice. For instance, I would have told them to fix Greg Kinnear’s hair. He’s supposed to look like Dick Vermeil, not one of the Monkees.”

Despite Ruettiger’s criticisms, Invincible has been a huge hit at the box office and has drawn rave reviews from critics. In the end, it could prove to be a bigger hit than Rudy. If that happens, Vince Papale will replace Rudy as sports fans’ most beloved underdog.

Papale, however, insists he has no rivalry with Ruettiger and says both movies are worth seeing.

“I don’t know why that guy is so mad about this. I think they are both really interesting stories worth checking out,” said Papale. “I’ve always admired Rudy for what he accomplished, and I do see a lot of parallels in our stories. I guess the biggest difference is that I made the team because I was actually good, and he made the team because everybody felt bad for him. Oh and I stuck around for a couple years and he was hustled off the field faster than a nude streaker.”

Papale also pointed out that Sean Astin has gotten really fat over the years and was never really a great actor, while Mark Wahlberg was in Boogie Nights.

This is from the Onion, isn't it?

If this is legit, this is freakin' hilarious.

Holy shit, what a pretentious fuck.

i get my fake news from the brushback

this is awesome

55-Year-Old Rudy Still Carrying On About That One Stupid Play


AURORA, IL--Rudy Ruettiger, 55-year-old retired construction worker, won’t stop babbling about that one play he got into during a Notre Dame game in 1970. He continues to bore his friends and relatives with the story of how his coach allowed him on the field for one play in garbage time of a Notre Dame rout.

“Big fucking deal,” says Rudy’s son-in-law, Terrence. “I’m sorry, but I’m just not all that impressed. Sounds like he just had an unhealthy obsession with Notre Dame and the coach threw him a bone because he felt bad for him. Congratulations.”

According to sources close to the Ruettiger family, the elder Ruettiger spends most of his days in a large easy chair reminiscing about his one moment of glory.

“The guy’s just living in the past,” says Terrence. “I feel sorry for him, actually. The whole story is a little sad if you ask me. And if I have to sit through that corny-ass movie on more time, I’m gonna jump out the window.”

Rudy’s story is well known to everyone. As a young man he dreamed of attending Notre Dame University and playing for the famed Fighting Irish football team. He was undersized and underskilled, and had no chance of being a regular on the squad, but instead of doing better things with his time he decided to stay focused on achieving his pointless dream. After a long and difficult road, he ended up making the team and being sent on the field for one play.

Not only is he boring family members with his anecdotes, Ruettiger has taken his act on the road. He is currently touring on the lecture circuit, commanding close to ten thousand dollars a speech. Most recently, he spoke at the Brown University commencement.

“Friends, I wasn’t the biggest kid, or the toughest kid, or even the smartest kid,” began Ruettiger, dressed in a black academic robe. “The odds were stacked against me. But that didn’t stop me from following my dream. With help from my mentor, the kindly black janitor Fortune, I worked night and day until I made the practice squad. And when I finally got my shot, why the crowd was behind me one hundred percent. And you know what? I don’t blame them. I am such an inspiration.”

Said grad student Mark Godfrey. “Yale gets Hillary Clinton, and we get Rudy? Great. The only interesting thing was seeing how he could stretch one story into an entire speech. I wasn’t sure he could do it, but he did. The kid sure is scrappy”

Rudy went on to say that he is planning even more Rudy-themed ventures, including a Rudy Saturday morning cartoon, a Rudy album featuring duets with popular stars like 50 cent and Justin Timberlake, and even a Rudy reality TV show.

“The reality TV show is something I’m really looking forward to,” said Rudy. “I haven’t pitched it to any networks yet, but it’s a can’t miss proposition. It’ll just be me going through my daily life and encountering various travails and difficulties along the way. That way America can see first hand how I attack the little dilemmas of day to day life with my trademark earnestness, persistence, and determination. Actually, it really is trademarked. So don’t repeat that.”

i fucking hate that movie..they made as watch that piece of shit at least once every year in high school...

I liked Rudy. I like Sean Astin too. But the real Rudy guy, even in the DVD extra features really seems like a goon. These articles don't help that either.

I've yet to see Invincible, but it looks more similar to The Rookie than to Rudy IMO. And just for the record, as a long time Eagles fan, Greg Kinnear looks pretty damn close to Dick Vermeil, including his hair. Watch some of the NFL archive footage and you decide.

Hahaha the health teacher in my school was always a gym teacher/football coach as well. Needless to say we had to watch Rudy in Health class a few times.

Then finally senior year we got the nutty female basketball coach who showed us STD pictures that she TOOK HERSELF while working in a hospital.