Not much was going on at work today, which is pretty normal, so I came up with this. Let me know what you think

The hotel room is small, only a bed sits against the wall and the brown sheets are tossed onto one side in a mass of sheets. A commercial is playing loudly on a television that is situated on a cabinet that overlooks the room as a young woman sits on the edge of the bed. She is looking away from the television as her hands rests on her knees. Meanwhile, a small lamp, lying on a desk next to the bed, gives off a bright, lucid light that reveals the silhouette of a man who is rhythmically running his hands on the edge of the desk, as he looks out between the blinds of the window in the hopes of finding answers to the previous night.

“When do you have to leave?” She asks.

“Well, the plane leaves at noon,” he says without turning around.

Looking up at him, she softly says “so, we have about three hours?”

“Yeah, about three hours.”

He turns around and shakes his head as he runs his eyes down her long blonde hair that falls past her shoulders and ends at the small of her like individual threads of silk. She’s just like his wife in her youth, he thinks to himself before shaking his head again.

“What’s wrong,” she asks.

“Nothing, nothing,” he slowly responds

She looks carefully at his white, thinning hair and rather smoothly, changes the subject, “have you ever been married Keith?”

“Yes…I am married.”

“Oh.”

He paces pack and forth and nervously he runs his hands through his thinning, unkempt hair and then looks at her as he places a hand on the desk to better brace himself, knowing he will regret what he is about to say.

“…You remind me of her…and I still don’t even know your name.”

“The name is Beth…I did get your name though and you do know when someone asks for your name that usually infers that the other person is hoping for you to ask for their name as well. It’s all a very common practice in society Keith, but I guess you haven’t existed in society lately.”

Beth then lifts the remote in the direction of the television and turns it off before looking back over at Keith with a smile on her face.

“Oh, I have heard of this practice, but I guess you can safely say that I just tend to ignore matters such as those. Anyway, so yes I am a married man but I you see I go home, say hi to my wife and then we each go are separate ways. As in I’m tired from work and she’s getting ready to go to work. She’s a nurse, works the night shift at a local hospital; it was just doomed from the start…in a way.”

Keith, now feeling more comfortable, decides to sit down at the chair next to the desk.

“How long has this been going on?” Beth inquires.

“I’d say over twenty years now and I haven’t felt-well anything for years to be honest and now thanks to you, I’m gaining some semblance of my sanity.”

“You’re standing there, telling me that you’ve had twenty years of insanity,” Beth asks, her eyes growing wide in wonder.

“Well, more like ten years of isolation and melancholy, the first ten were rather blissful,” Keith answers, surprised at his ability to suddenly treat the topic so light heartily.

“Sounds similar to a cruise I took to the Bahamas,” Beth states.

“No, Really, I’ve always heard good things,” and he looks back at her in astonishment, pleased to be talking about something else.

“Oh yes, It was connected to Disney and I hate Disney,” she says back to him in such a sharp manner that it left no doubt in his mind that she was being truthful.

“Not a fan of Mickey I take it?”

“Oh, Mickey is fine, although I have to admit I am getting a bit jaded to the big ears and all, but I just can not stand Pluto.”

Keith asks, laughingly “Pluto, you’re kidding right?”

“No, not at all, I can’t understand a single word; it’s a garbled mess, a complete communication breakdown” and her voice breaks out into all out laughter as she reaches a hand up to her mouth.

“Sounds like my marriage,” Keith replies and he leans back in his chair with a sigh.

Shit man... That's pretty good... Kinda hard to visualize the location, but other than that a pretty good dialogue...

^^^^^^^^your avatar is ridiculously funny. simple yet funny

i can't believe i read the whole thing. but it was good; and pretty funny.

Thanks for the input, any and all is always welcomed

Here is the final revision before I submit to a local magazine

Miscommunication

The hotel room is small and sparsely decorated, only a bed, its brown sheets tossed onto one side in a discarded clump, sits against the wall and a commercial plays loudly on a television that sits atop a small cabinet overlooking the cramped room. A young woman, looking away from the television, has her hands nervously resting on her knees as she sits on the edge of the bed after waking up. Meanwhile, a small lamp, lying on a desk next to the bed, gives off a bright, lucid light that reveals the silhouette of a man who is rhythmically running his hands on the edge of a desk. Looking out between the blinds of the window, he is hoping to find answers to the previous night.

“When do you have to leave?” She asks.

“Well, the plane leaves at noon,” he says without turning around.

Looking up at him, she softly says “so, we have about three hours?”

“Yeah, about three hours.”

He turns around and shakes his head as his eyes follow her long blonde hair, which, like individual threads of silk, fall gently past her shoulders, finally ending at the small of her back.

“What’s wrong,” she asks curiously.

“Nothing, nothing,” he slowly responds

She looks carefully at his white, thinning hair and changes the subject, “have you ever been married Keith?”

“Yes…I am married.”

“Oh.”

He paces pack and forth while nervously running his hands through his hair and then looks at her as he places a hand on the desk to better brace himself, knowing he will regret what he is about to say.

“…You remind me of her…and I still don’t even know your name.”

“The name is Beth…I did get your name though and you do know when someone asks for your name that usually infers that the other person is hoping for you to ask for their name as well. It’s all a very common practice in society Keith, but I guess you haven’t existed in society lately.”
Beth then lifts the remote in the direction of the television and turns it off before looking back over at Keith with a smile on her face that says yes, now you have my full attention.

“Oh, I have heard of this practice, but I guess you can safely say that I just tend to ignore matters such as those along with my wife and pretty much my entire life. So yes I am a married man but you see I go home, I say hi to my wife and then we each go are separate ways. The thing is, I’m completely drained from work and she’s getting ready to go to work. There is no time, when we pass each other in the night and in case you were wondering, she’s a nurse, works the night shift at a local hospital.”

Keith reaches a hand up to his mouth and stares listlessly at the grey carpet before continuing in a hushed voice, “we’re both just so caught up in are own careers that we’ve both found are selves drifting further and further apart and looking back now, I wish there was someway to change the past, it was just doomed from the start…in a way.”

Keith, feeling like a man who has just tossed aside a huge weight that he had been carrying for years on his tired shoulders, decides to sit down at the chair next to the desk to rest.

“How long has this been going on?” Beth inquires as she leans back on the bed.

“I’d say over twenty years now and I haven’t felt-well anything for years to be honest and now thanks to you, I’m gaining some semblance of my sanity.”

“Let me get this straight, you’re standing there, telling me that you’ve had twenty years of insanity,” Beth asks, her eyes growing slightly wide in wonder.

“Well, more like ten years of isolation and melancholy, the first ten were rather blissful,” Keith answers, surprised at his ability to suddenly treat the topic so light heartily and begins to smile as a rush of old memories flood his mind.

“Sounds similar to a cruise I took to the Bahamas,” Beth states.

“No, Really, I’ve always heard good things,” and he looks back at her in astonishment, pleased to be talking about something else.

“Oh yes, It was connected to Disney and I hate Disney,” she sharply adds.

“Not a fan of Mickey I take it?”

“Oh, Mickey is fine and all, although I have to admit I am getting a bit jaded to the big ears and that whiny, high pitched voice of his. Well, is Mickey a he, anyway what I hate is Pluto, I just can not stand Pluto.”
Keith asks, laughingly “Pluto, you’re kidding right?”

“No, not at all,

“But Pluto’s a dog, a harmless, funny dog.”

Beth raisers her hands in the air, “I can’t understand a single word; it’s a garbled mess, a complete communication breakdown” and her voice breaks out into laughter as she reaches a hand up to her mouth.

“That sounds like my marriage, a garbled mess” Keith replies as he leans back in his chair with a laugh.

That final version is much better !!!

Thanks, put the final touches on it after getting back from the bar last night at 3 am. A sweet band was playing, cover'd Zepplin, Tom Petty, AC-DC, the Beatles and on top of that, when they were setting up the gear they had Ten playing on the PR system.