my darling, we'll survive
the coldest and darkest nights
spent painful miles apart
far, too far from you

i'm a call and a train ride from you
give me hope, that you're true
when you say you promise
you will be home when i come around

give me hope

i'm just writing this as i go along....i;ve been thinking about hismind of stuff alot lately.


I am an eighteen year old male. I've been eighteen for 9 months or so now. In society, once we turn 18, more is expected of us. A certain level of professionalism and seriousness and responsibility is expected. We, in some cases are forced, to grow up. I was a willing participant. I welcomed the responsibilities, both from society and from my family. Paying my own bills, getting to and from work and school on my own, but most of all being held accountable for my own actions. For my entire life i felt like a pawn of my parents, not in a necessarily negative way, but i never thought of me as living my own life. This summer I've lived life my way. Of course my parent's influence on my morals and everything is there, but I have found I've developed my own belief system, and ideas of what is acceptable and what is not. Freedom.

Now I await true freedom, next week I move out. I'm on my own. Mommy and daddy won't be cooking my meals, doing my laundry, waking me up on time. Hell, they won't know where I am or who i am with. I am eaagerly awaiting the days (and nights) where I do what I feel is right, with no repercussions from my family. If i do something stupid, only i am accountable. I welcome that.

Another bonus, is the woman of my life. She's the one. This is another aspect of my life where I have seperated from my parents and family. They warned me not to get too attatched, and of course I ignored that. They said I would lose focus in school while in a serious relationship. They don't realize that this woman changed my life. I am a happier and better person for it. My grades skyrocketed, my demeanor changed, and my entire outlook on my future switched from pessimistic to bright and hopeful. I look forward to every morning, as another day to live. Another day to love. Another day to change who I am, getting closer to who I want to be. But right now, I'm quite comfortable with the young man I've become. The eighteen year old male.

i'm filling these pages with the same words
like a skipping disc
i'm waiting for you to come
and get me back on track

i'm walking down this beaten path
traveling to nowhere
i know i'll be missed but
it's good to know i won't be forgotten

the beauty of paradise
will be wasted unless
i have someone to share it will
won't you join me?

i'm know i'm going but i don't know where

you're just a dull ache
you've slowly become distant
i've left you in that wake
of our paths you've gone and twisted

its simple now it seems
with my vision now returning
i'm pouring gasoline
and laughing while its burning

watching the smoke- it's rising
a simple gasp deflating
there's nothing left in hindsight
but the future i'm creating

different but the same

i felt for sure last night
that what i had been hoping for
finally came true.
for the first time in a long time
when i laid my head down
i felt nothing.
everyone told me it would take time
now i realize that day has finally passed.
still, i feel conflict within
i hate what i had to go through
but i love what i got in return.
i guess i'll just be moving on
there is no reason for me to stay,
no reason to care anymore.
i want to meet someone new,
someone totally different
but exactly the same.
yet i'm afraid to put myself out there
there's always a chance of getting hurt (again),
which is something i fear.
but what good is life if you don't take risks?
for now i'll end this by saying
i'd risk it all, i'd accept the consequences
just to feel that way again.

i need something to sink my teeth in
found out you're nothing but bone
but i can't stand sleepin in
and waking up alone

my fields have dried in your wind
a storm- i can't complain
but you're kickin up dust again
and your clouds don't pack no rain

i took what i had and ruined it
and now you're my substitute
so don't act like you built my Buick
you'll be gone in a two-finger salute

i like that bro

punch in
log on
take my spot at the farm
driving headstrong into this abyss
cornfield country road draped in mist
a pockmarked tar and chip highway
a slow sunrise holiday
i knew i couldn't take that bend at 73
looking back on it........i think i was looking for that tree
a quick climb into the red of dawn
only the highway knows i'm gone

There stood many people, filling the stands
Just one was a goddess so I took her hand
Your look was so different, but I knew it was you
Stay sleeping, stay dreaming for it is now true
I’ve waited so long to touch you again
These perfect realities can just now begin
I wish I could see you just all day my friend
But I must face those sacred grounds once again
No black and white beauty can touch me inside
The way that you did before that goodbye
Just leave me I’m dreaming, it’s all about you
Stay sleeping and dreaming for it is now true

Right now you are sleeping
on the phone I could be weeping
I might be if you weren't breathing
into my ear the sound is seeping

I tried to wake you many times
made up a song that had some rhymes
it was about a girl i love
some reasons which are written above

So as I wait for you to wake
I type out this silly thing
as i do i think of all the things you make
the most important is my life great

I'd stop writing if you'd ever speak
but instead I am letting you sleep
I'd hold your head if I was there
to assure your sleep not leak

I've whispered into your ears
i think they'll sleep for many years
even so this poem must end
we will soon speak again

you could save me
then you’d need to feed me-
keep me on the straight and narrow

you could kill me
pretend that you’re free-
finally have that train-station farewell

life’s too short for luke warm soup
and lifes too short to wear that suit
this pool won’t stay so calm for long
lets just drown and sing along

phantom,
hide the knives
too numb
to act surprised

phantom
in a rented throne
offers gold
delivers stone

phantom
a bedside creep
leave me be
so I can sleep

i keep on callin and callin
but you’re not answerin’
i just wanted a sundae, someday
maybe dinner and dancin’

is it too much to ask…
for a number that works
am I a fool to expect
that a slut never flirts

i’d rather buck the system
i’d rather cut you than listen
pick out your boyfriend and kiss him
but would you even notice or miss him?

i’d rather buck the system
i’d rather fuck your sister
Oooo…do you hear it, well listen
Oooo…do you hear it, well listen

Four Years Ago (poem by Jared)

Four Years Ago (poem by Jared)
Current mood: artistic


Four Years Ago

Four years ago they committed themselves to the greatest waste of time
Killing thousands
Sending us to a temporary chaos
But in the end, it's all just pantomime
We found our resolve
No matter what political affiliation we had
We found it better just to say we love being American
And that infuriates their cause
And it makes other little messes
But we push forward knowing that we do have the best
They killed many, but our heartbreak turned to something greater
We became the ones to carry on and become the world's manipulators
Some might say that we're just carrying along the wrong way
But I believe deep down, it'll all be sorted out
And we're doing the right thing after all -- some kind of way
Accountability will be maintained
We'll cross the roads in time
But my friends, that was four years ago and we've been racing towards the end of time
Some will be saved, more will be lost
But as long as you look to Jesus for the truth, your debt is paid on His cross
We drop the politics
We drop the charades
We're tired of playing Satan's little games
And we just pray for the world
And we pray today
I love being American and I pray
Four years ago today
My heart renewed and has a chance to say
"God bless America, God bless everyone, God bless the world
We live past the shame."


Currently listening:
The Joshua Tree
By U2
Release date: By 15 June, 1990

a poem

been down this road sometime, only now i see it's paved
i'll leave the bag here, except for the bit i've saved
it weighs me down, i'll keep it anyhow
fuck it... that's always been me
walking furthur into lonely


note: (i was sad)

The melody reaches your ear
at a time when you know
how it will make you feel

And you let it come
you want it to be near you
you want it to be with you

The sensation overcomes you
lightning quick
lightning fast
your body shivers
your body explodes
and what you wanted to find all along
you can finally see for a futile second
the lightning hits and it's over

Is this what it's supposed to feel like?
I wouldn't know,
but this sure feels good

Stay here with me
and we'll listen all night long
to out hearts pounding away at
an immeasurable measure
while everyone around us
contorts their bodies in ways we would
dare not even deem human

Stay here with me
rest your head on mine
until the sun comes up
don't speak until then,
you may startle me too much

here's one I wrote at work tonight, I wrote it in two minutes, but I think I have something going with writing a poem at work that is about work

anyway


"Work Poem (AKA, I Hate My Job), Part 1"

Sitting at work
Bored outta my mind
Nothing to do
And too much time

I hate my job
It doesn't challenge
It doesn't inspire
It Just makes me tired

I want to leave
I've been here to long
So much better to do
I'd rather be home

Crappy music on the PA
Nothing to ceep me company
except write shitty poetry
Oh this day must end

Twenty minutes to go
"La Bamba" on the radio
At Least it's enjoyable
I just wanna leave

Weary, the old man rises from his chair.
It rocks back
and forth
even after he ascends.

He turns off the television set.
The game is over.
His team has lost.
The moving colors on the screen
have blurred to him.
They used to get him by,
the games he watched them play.

Now he just sits in his chair
and stares.
But not at anything in particular.

He cries, but not for himself.
He cries, but not for his family.
He has no family.
He cries because there is nothing else for him to do.
Either that or look back.

So he walks up the stairwell
and sits on his bed.
A rusty dumbbell lie on his floor,
an empty beer bottle on his table.
Memories of a distant past
he would rather not forget.
Because at this point,
that's all he has.

Memories of girls he would woo
but not marry
Too scared to take a chance.
Memories of friends he would make
but not confide in
Too scared of losing their trust.
Memories of money he would make
but not spend
Too scared of the future.

But today, when he woke up
the sun shimmered on his wrinkled face.
It reflected a shadow onto the wall.
A shadow of himself lay in his bed, and
he realized he had no future.
He would die today.

The man thinks of who to call,
who to share his final day with.
This doesn't take long.
His nephew is the only person he cares about.
He ambles slowly, slowly to the phone.
Opens the drawer, finds the scrumpled paper.

The man thinks back again.
The catches in the backyard
with the worn-down tennis balls,
the way the boy used to ask him about the world
like the old man knew everything about it,
how he used to cook for the boy
like he was cooking for a prince,
how smart the boy was.
And the talks.
Oh, the talks they had.

The old man slowly crumples up the paper
and heads back to bed.
He does not want to see the boy again.
He is too scared of ruining a good thing.

So the man returns to his bed
ready to die.
He treats this night like any other.
He brushes his teeth, takes his pills.
He combs his hair and prays to God.
Except this night he has something to ask him for.
As the old man lies down on the bed, he is glad.
He has no past, no present, no future.
He is done.

But as he lie awake for the last time
he can't help but plead
that his nephew not die
alone in his bed,
a rusty dumbbell on his floor,
an empty beer bottle on his table.

an old one.....

bored with this old pen

tired of living the same old thoughts
bored with giving you the time of day
when there is nothing you could say
that would heal this sore.
spinning around in circles
looking for the answers
like a wave searching for the shoreline.
i carved a place in my heart for you
but it erroded away quickly
i gave you everything i am
and in return you gave me pain.
the one thing i will always remember
is the thing you said would come true
but never did
i never left you before you left me.


a new one....

pierce through

i am walking this faultline
just hoping it will burst open
revealing it's mysteries
why am i here?

this is no excuse
this is no cry for help
this is the weight of the world
atop my shoulders.

i have seen your masks
witnessed all of your power
but sometimes you have to learn
to hold it inside.

this door has been closed
locked to safeguard us from the world
who is going to follow me through?
another fallen leader
another fallen hero.

Flashing Lights on the Side of a Road

What is it about flashing red and blue lights one the side of a road that makes the foot cover the pedal?
I mean, they found their man, so why do I slow down?
They don’t care for me
I am a mere observer
There is no reason to even notice me
But yet, I hit the brake anyway
And falsely avoid getting in trouble.
How selfish I am to think that I am even the least of their troubles?
They could be on to something big
Drugs, weapons, among other things that would be better off not mentioned
Hell, most of the time I don’t even care for them
I just drive along,
Doing 45 in a 30
But when I see those red lights
I just stop, and obey