kit always struggled in school
don't get me wrong, he wasn't stupid
he just didn't care
Ds and Fs populated his report cards
when he was in junior high, his father taped a rare B paper to the bathroom mirror
that way, kit would see it every morning before school
at the top of the paper, the teacher scribbled the words
"shows promise"

~~~~~~~~~~

charlie was a spirited child
and that spirit led him to crawl under the pool cover
don't fool yourself, it was not quick
it was brutal
his lungs filled with water as he gasped for air
the struggle stopped and he died
a cold, bloated shell of potential
his body eventually floated to the top
flesh pressed against plastic
the spark in his eyes replaced with a glaze

~~~~~~~~~~

kit, mid-joint, checked his swatch
"fuck" he shouted
he dusted the ash from his USSR hockey jersey,
got up from the floor and checked his mohawk in a mirror
he hit the door, gave a hardy "see you fuckers later" and sprinted to his house
the ambulance was already there
as was his mom
"you were suppose to be here" she screamed at him

~~~~~~~~~~

the family didn't make it
dad left and mom kept the house
she began drinking and strange men became the norm
kit spent many nights smoking on the back porch
with the pool
it was still covered with the same thick plastic
occasionally he crawled onto it
he would lay down, careful to distribute his weight evenly
the plastic was cold on his skin
as he smoked, his eyes rolled back into his head

~~~~~~~~~~

mom got up to pee
cum stained panties and a mouth full of cigarettes and jack
she slipped in the hallway
got back on her feet, then opened the door
kit's body lay awkwardly on the linoleum
the tap was running
water and blood mixed
then ran under the door

~~~~~~~~~~

don't fool yourself, it was not that easy
kit's a vegetable now
a real drain on joe taxpayer
everyday a nurse feeds him,
empties his colostomy bag
and cleans the bed sores
his mother never visits
and his promise remains unfulfilled

I think this is really good. The simplicist approach is perfect for it I think... very impressive, on me as a reader. May I ask what the inspiration for that was?

I hate to say that most of this is true.
Except Kit's suicide attempt was a success.
I'm a journalist and I try to keep that same simple, detached matter-of-fact style in my prose.
I'm glad you liked it.
I'm sorry if I don't usually respond when people comment on my stuff.
I don't take praise well, but I do appreciate it.
I'm glad you people let me post my depressing, cliche-ridden crap alongside your stellar work.
I wish I could be more positive.

See and this is part of why I liked your piece that much. I felt that it had nothing cliche about it.

I meant the cliche subject matter. Blasphemy, death and destruction in art is not exactly original. I seem to have bleak down, I wish I did better with beauty. It's easy to fall back on mean-spirited and blunt turns of phrase and I do it waaaaay too much.

My wife and I had a beautiful romance and have a lovely marriage with one child and another on the way. Yet when I sit down to write something about it... nothing.

This is not to say that I don't like reading others dark subject matter, because I do. I just feel like I'm stuck in a rut.

Been there. And I think it's okay. I tried writing positive things, truly beautiful things, and although I'm the happiest person on the world in the relation ship I'm in I'm not able to write something truly positive.

I guess it's just some sort of talent... and if you're able to let things out that way, or be creative and transport something to the outside world it's alright.

I will go back to this comment tomorrow in the morning and realize how confused it is and try to come up with something that makes more sense.

Another great piece t2b, I love that matter of fact style you have and your ability to construct images is enviable.

i love being shocked by you

you know you don't really write things; things get written by or through you... and often we scribblers are doomed to purge the pain of the world, as if it went on aching to find a suitable channel to manifest itself in a different way - more beautiful, perhaps? - than the actual facts.

and don't worry, there have been and there will always be people who can do it better than you, so just relax and do your thing