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The things that keep us in tact
will find a way to our hearts

If good, we can smile and
the day is a blessing

The peace
Hides beneath
Insecurities

A free-fall
of useless needs
it's your dead tree's
falling leaves

Bad's the other instance
Of tragedies and demons

Taking another look around
and keeping track of all the time

But hell
There's no time
Just dying life
All the time

A smile
at useless needs
is your dead tree's
falling leaves

i liked the other song better... some things that stuck out... i liked those chords at the bridge a lot, also i keep hearing part of thirteen in this song... also the first half of the melody reminds me of waiting for the sun...

i think on this song, it might be interesting to try a melody that strays away from the chords, cause when a chord goes down so does the melody... it might spice things up to have them move in separate directions

other than that pretty good, still got the wicked elliott smith thing going on

thanks again for the listen and comment

part of thirteen? I don't know where you're getting that, interesting though... i haven't heard waiting for the sun

i've tried different melodies, this song has been in the works for a long time.. i found the way it is as the most fitting to my voice and my style.

you're not the only one thinking it's lacking spice.. a few people have told me that. i think the song is an aquired taste, maybe if you listen a few more times you'll understand where i'm going with it. ... maybe it's just not your kind of song.

as for the elliott smith thing, i hope i'm not sounding like i'm ripping him off... i'm not consiously trying to sound like him.. though he is a huge inspiration to me obviously...

yeah one of the chords you play... its just like the bridge part of thirteen (1:30 on the thumbsucker version)

i do get it more each time i listen which is good... but something to make me go "i want to hear this again" should be there so i go back and listen to get tuned to it

like one of those lyrics that are so well phrased that you can't help but remember them

for example "what i used to be will pass away, then you'll see that all I want is happiness for you and me" it's hard to forget and you wanna hear it a million times

as far of the elliott smith thing, its good... but maybe his influence is kinda dominated... i don't hear any other bands in there, so maybe pull from all your resources and you might end up with that spice and something totally different... ya know?

ah the d7 chord.. ok

i do love the elliott smith lyrics.. but my lyric writing style isn't like his. his subject is usually of personal relationships, as it is in Happiness. my subject, as it is here, is usually about something broad and inspecific concerning life and personality choices. apparently you don't connect strongly with my lyrics and that's fine.. i'm happy with the song and the way it is, though i'd like to have it someday with another guitar arrangement and drums, bass, and maybe a reed organ or something.

yeah i don't mean what the lyrics about... i mean when certain things are said a certain way they become more than words... so i'd look for some really well said lines that are what your going for to hook the listener in..

basically loaded phrases... bright eyes is good at it... it's hard to do, but i think that's one thing the song could benefit from....

keep up the good work though

got to listen to this one too. i don't know elliot smith, but i can hear a dark CSN feeling. the bitersweet stuff again, simple melody that deceives you at first because it sounds almost merry, then suddenly is very,very gloomy, played almost matter-of-factly like the guy just fooling with the strings, sitting at the top of some hill at the sunset, in contrast with heart-tearing lyrics.

don't worry, i won't say it again.