after a while a man's blood runs dry
captivity makes the animals shy
walk the fields, identify with villains
a waterfall's just a cliff that is spilling

the snow and the hail, my constant foes
dropped my lighter twenty miles ago
take some oil, look for ones to annoint
that tidal wave has a really good point

free to roam, but at a glacial pace
fitting for the last one of a doomed race
having these memories is like being chained
the ground's bone dry even though it just rained

pause for a moment to look at my watch
but the minute hand is pointing right off the clock
its probably much later than i realize
convenient at times, the way that time flies

punched through the wall, smashed the controller
the system, the power, the center... all solar
the glass emptied faster than it could be filled
and thats how your friend the nomad was killed

pretty damn good overall, but the rhyme scheme sort of kills it. really love the words though.

thanks man! yeah, the rhyme scheme needs work. i had some words i really wanted to use, and tonight i got bored while writing a paper for school. so i took a break and went crazy. ill try revising it some in the next few days.

thanks again for the feedback!

I like it and the rhyming works well. I actually just heard it in my head as a rap song.

a rap song, huh? im nowhere NEAR cool enough to write a rap song.

but yeah, i need to come up with a new ending to this... the last two lines were lifted from 'to tomorrow!' ill try to edit this soon...

I'm serious. Where's Chuck D?

I thought the rhyme scheme on the whole wasn't too bad actually, i also loved the last line of each stanza (especially in the first 2). Good work

just liked it, though i have no idea what it's about.

favorite line:

"a waterfall's just a cliff that is spilling"

I like it. It seems to get to a point where I no longer read it, I just feel it. Not many people can do that. Props to you, man. I'd love to see more, you and I seem to complement each other very well.