Chapter Three – House of Joy


The manor came to life as spring clean time arrived. Julia Cameron had come from college specially for the occasion. A younger and taller Mrs. Cameron about Susanna’s age, Julia blew in like a breeze of joy. The two young women became friends at once. Susanna was delighted to have someone to talk about girly things for a change, what the latest fashion was, which purse went with which dress, the new shape for skirts, the new sensation on the movie screens.

Spring clean was hard work in the manor every year, but Susanna had never imagined that cleaning up a house that size, a task that could take a week and involve all the people in the household and sometimes hired hands, could actually be such fun.

They dusted and vacuumed and washed and scrubbed the manor from attic to basement, wide opening every window, cleaning every pane, washing bedsheets, taking curtains and rugs out to sunbathe, polishing silverware.

Washing the staircase was especially fun, the four women barefoot, with their skirts tied up to their waists, throwing bucket after bucket of soap-water down the stairs, moping and singing, laughing all the way down.

Then on St. George’s Eve, it was done. The manor was sparkling. Flowers brought from the greenhouse in their vases were placed on every table and mantle and pedestal in the house, bringing in the merry flowery scents from the outside.

Soon the visitors would begin to come. The Professor had resumed the open-house tradition when he had bought back the manor a couple of years after the war, when his businesses were well again.

There was going to be a church fête in the village the next day and Susanna was really excited. After the proper mourning period, it was the first time out of the house in more than a month. Everybody would go to the early service, then help in the churchyard brunch and, in the afternoon, take turns in the kiosk at the fair, selling goods produced by the manor to the tourists. In the evening, a dance was expected.

She was just a little upset when she opened her wardrobe and could not find anything to wear. Not only the few dance gowns looked out of fashion, but they did not fit her anymore. At first she was puzzled that she could be putting on weight, she had always been tall and bony. But then she realized that she was just filling up. After years of hard work and bad nourishment, she was surprised with the effect that healthy food and work with one’s hands in the open had had in the body: she was strong and curvaceous. For the first time in weeks she spent more than a couple of minutes in front of the mirror, watching that unknown attractive woman who looked back at her, as surprised as she was. She turned around, watching the curve of her breasts under the muslin petticoat, her hips, the line of her back where it joined her buttocks, her long legs now showing defined muscles on her thighs and calves.

She was pleased, yet a little uncomfortable. The woman in the mirror looked young and naïve. But a closer look in the eyes would reveal a harshness that bellied the image, reminding her that she was not a good girl anymore. She knew that those steps taken in the past could not be traced back. But she had no idea how to move forward.

* * *


She went downstairs later for supper to find the household people tired but contented. She was a little surprised that Leo had accepted the invitation, he who would rather eat alone in the stable house. She still felt a little self-conscious in his presence, even tough their work together, the time spent riding Faol Mhòr and the occasional talk in the library had brought them closer the past month.

“There she is!”, Julia said merrily. “Trying your garments for tomorrow?”

“Ah, well… I wish… I have nothing to wear…”

“But all those beautiful gowns you’ve got, dear…” Her mother asked, frowning the next second at the thought of a gloomy past where those gowns belonged.

“They don’t fit…. Anymore.” She glanced swiftly at Leo, who was concealing his interest in the conversation behind a big chunk of bread moistened in the lamb stew.

“Oh, ‘tis just the healthy country life, dear.” Mrs. Cameron said as though she knew everything. “Ye’re just puttin’ some flesh o’er those bones, that’s all.” She said, wiping the worry with a flip of her hand.

Susanna seemed to have found something really interesting in the stew in front of her, for she could not raise her head. She suspected that her burning cheeks had nothing to do with the warm vapor coming up from the bowl. Perhaps her encounter with the lady in the mirror and the unexpected presence of Leo were the cause of her sudden embarrassment. And, of course, Mrs. Cameron’s annoying habit of putting the finger in the wound.

“Oh, Su, don’t you worry! I’ll see to that! I’ve brought some spare gowns with me, we can try them right after supper, if you like!” Julia came to her aid and was more than welcome.

“Sure… Thank you, Ju.” She replied with a smile.

* * *


The next day, Susanna and Julia were the last ones to be ready. When they came down the staircase, they were welcomed with a round of applause by Susanna’s mother and the Camerons. The two young women looked lovely in their spring dresses. Julia was radiant in a light pink satin gown with a knitted white coat on top of it, her long straight blond hair dressed in an elaborate bun. Susanna was no less shinning in a clear-blue lace gown under a darker blue linen dresscoat. Instead of tied in her daily plait, her hair fell in waves on her shoulders, the only detail being a thin brown satin ribbon framing the line above her forehead tied at the back of her neck. Julia had insisted on white gloves for the service, but after the staircase promenade, she kept hers in the handbag.

Susanna ventured only one glance at Leo, standing at the front door, when she was halfway down the stairs to the hall. By the look on his face, she could tell that he was simply amazed. She almost tripped and rolled down the staircase when she realized that he was looking at her and her alone. When he noticed that she had noticed him, he just walked outside the door.

”There he goes again…” She thought, as he made one of his sudden exits.

* * *


It was a fine morning in the village. Much to her own distress, it was Susanna’s official introduction to the parishioners, as her mother had developed the habit of coming to church with the Camerons every week. On the other hand, it was a good opportunity to get acquainted with many of the neighbors.

It was then their first encounter with the Llewellyn-Parkers, Augusta and Spencer, mother and son, who owned the neighboring estate west to the manor.

Susanna found Augusta a really unpleasant woman. In her early fifties, the platinum blond almost white made a disturbing contrast with the arched thin black eyebrows and the red lipstick. She looked thoroughly misplaced in a perfectly tailored black suit that flaunted her obvious wealth along with the heavy jewelry and a fur stole. Her hands were bony, wet and cold, and she gave Susanna one of those disgusting flabby handshakes that only take the tip of your fingers as if you were dirty or had some contagious disease.

But the worst thing was the eyes. The grayish shrewdness resembled the beads of a hawk and her look made Susanna feel like she was naked. And, as far as she was concerned, the feeling seemed to be reciprocal.

With that in mind, her introduction to Spencer Llewellyn-Parker came as a pleasant surprise. He was certainly the handsomest man she had ever laid eyes on. The opposite of his mother, he had this movie star quality that made him amazingly charming. In his early thirties, dark hair perfectly cut military style, grayish-green eyes beneath the long forehead, sharp nose in contrast with rosy cheeks and soft lips that gave him a somewhat girly expression, he seemed to fit perfectly in the country morning scene, in a cream linen suit over a white silk shirt and sued shoes. A nonchalant aristocratic attitude that was totally natural. And a perfectly manly firm handshake.

“Mrs. and Miss Pavensy, what a pleasure to finally meet our new distinguished neighbors!” Spencer said in a pleasant tenor voice.

“The pleasure is ours, sir.” Susanna’s mother was not immune to his charms.

“Please, call me Spencer. Allow me to convey my condolences for your terrible loss.” He added in an undertone.

“Oh, you are very kind.” She replied with a faint smile.

“I hope my mother and I will have the pleasure of your company for tea one of these days, perhaps?”

“But of course, we will be delighted”, she said with sparkling eyes and a grin.

Susanna watched the dialogue with tense interest. The man was really charming, maybe a little complaisant for her taste, and it would be nice to meet him again. But the thought of meeting Augusta in her domains was not appealing to the least. She wondered that if the woman looked down upon her mother once again, she would do something she would probably regret.

She felt more and more uneasy and, grabbing her mother and Julia by the arm, mumbled an excuse and dragged them both to the churchyard.

“What a pleasant young man, Spencer.” Her mother said with a lost gaze and a sigh as they walked.

“Oh, yes, indeed, he is…” Julia seemed to be under the same spell.

“Both of you get back on the ground, will you?” Susanna said with a frown, though she was actually having fun with it.

“Oh, dear, did you notice how he could not take his eyes off you?” Her mother asked with a wider grin.

“Mother! Have you been drinking?” Susanna was suddenly alarmed. “I see, this is probably low sugar level, you are hallucinating, you need to eat something now! Both of you!”

The three women looked at each other for a second and burst into laughter. The Camerons joined them a while after and they all walked to the back of the church.

As they walked, Susanna looked around for Leo, suddenly restless, her heart beating fast. The sight of him talking to a group of young men by the fence at the far side of the yard came as a sort of relief. Oddly enough, she realized that meeting one man had made her consider her feelings for the other. And she was baffled at the realization that Leo meant something more to her. What it was, exactly, she was yet to find out.

* * *


In the dusk of the evening, music began to play all over the village. Leo had driven Susanna’s mother and the Camerons back to the manor and would return for the girls, who had decided to stay longer. After all, that was the best part of the celebration for the young.

Susanna was having the time of her life. It was like those nights at the dance in the city, without the bad things. Apart from some young men who had passed their limits with ale and whisky, it was a happy and healthy festivity and the feeling of joy was all around.

It turned out that Susanna and Julia had spent most of the night with Spencer, who took terms dancing with the girls. When Leo arrived back, Susanna was alone, watching as Spencer swept Julia off her feet in an unexpected bolero.

“Hello, there.” He said softly at her back.

“Oh, hello, Leo.” She shrugged slightly, thinking about his catlike way of approaching her every time.

“Ye’re ready to go?”

“Oh… Now? It’s not yet past 8… And Julia is having such a great time…” In fact, she was the one having a great time. She had always had that urge to stretch good things as far as she could. Not that she had not been often disappointed. Things, good or bad, have their own time, but she just couldn’t avoid it.

“Well, things have their own time, ye ken… “Tis no use tryin’ to hold ‘em…” He said absentmindedly.

“So you read minds too?“ She thought, surprised and a tad annoyed that she should be so transparent to him. She felt immature and stupid.

“You don’t dance, Mr. Wiseman?” She teased him then.

“Aye.” It seemed he was hesitating. “Would you care?” He finally said, offering a hand.

“Yes.” She took his hand, disarmed.

He led her to the dance floor. The bolero had come to an end and a soft movie screen tune began to play. He pulled her closer, placing a firm hand on her back. “So you can lead, huh?” She thought, amused. That was new; she had taken the lead almost every time she danced in the past, either because her partners wouldn’t or because they were less interested in dancing than in moving their hands bellow the proper waistline too soon.

As the slow dance went on, her uptight posture loosed. They would dance but not look at each other. Eyes closed, she rested her forehead on his chest and enjoyed the warm proximity. He smelled good, of lavender, whisky and tobacco mixed with distinct male scent, in a rather pleasant way. She could not see, but only felt it as he bent his head down without touching hers, a lock of his hair tickling her ear. And through the thin fabric of his summer shirt she could feel the hair on his chest tickling her nose in turn while his heartbeat paced up under the palm of her hand.

Then the music changed to a faster rhythm. He paused and pushed her way gently by the shoulders with a sigh, waking her from the moment of bliss. She looked at him to find him looking at her tenderly. As their eyes met, he looked up and sighed again, his hands still on her shoulders.

“There.” He said finally, his arms dropping to his side, the old Leo again.

“Yes. Thank you”. She said in lack of a better thing to say.

The awkwardness would have become unbearable if it weren’t for the arrival of Julie and Spencer.

“Su, there you are!” Julia grabbed her girlfriend by the hands. “What a lovely dance, don’t you think?”

“Yes, dear, I’m having a great time.” Susanna replied, a little disconcerted with the sudden agitation.

“Spencer, have you met Leo McDomhann? He’s the foreman at the manor”. Susanna noticed that Julia had not only pronounced Leo’s name perfectly, but had also promoted him from his current position as handy man as she introduced the two men.

But then Susanna was suddenly uneasy, as the men nodded at each other in silence. One as tall as the other, Leo visibly stronger than Spencer, both equal in a fierce attitude, she feared something like a clash of titans, as if they would draw swords within any minute and face each other in a duel.

Julia once again came to her aid, her mother’s daughter for sure.

“I think it’s time for us Cinderellas to go home, don’t you agree, Su?” She said merrily but with slighted narrowed eyes.

“Yes, I do. Good night, then, Spencer. Thank you for the lovely evening.” She said trying to hide her hand, but Spencer moved faster and grabbed it, bringing it close to his lips for a soft kiss.

‘Oh, good night and farewell, my dear ladies.” He paused, a slight twitch on the corner of his mouth. “ Are you sure you do not need a ride home?” He gave a swift glance at Leo’s grim.

“We are sure. Shall we go, then?” Susanna said with a yellow grin, grabbed Julia by the arm and turned around to go. She had actually to drag Julia away, as she kept turning back to wave at Spencer. Leo’s heavy steps thumped behind them.

When they got to the car, Julia actually pushed Susanna into the front seat beside Leo, giving her looks that meant, “you don’t want him to feel like an employee, do you?”, as she herself sunk in the back seat.

As they drove, Susanna sat still with hands clenched on her lap, listening to Julia as she babbled about the day, replying now and then. She looked at Leo just once, taking time to watch his handsome moonlit profile, the long nose in a perfect match with the square jaw. It was in that state of contemplation that Leo caught her. Both turned away at the same time, yet unable to conceal a smile.

* * *



It had been a busy week in the manor, with visitors coming every other day. Susanna was surprised one afternoon, when a visiting couple asked if they took guests. That was unprecedented in the manor, but the idea lingered in her mind. She spent the next couple of evenings in the library, drawing building plans, adding figures, taking notes, until she had worked out a project and waited to break it to the household people.

The opportunity presented itself one evening when everybody sat together in the family room after dinner. Even Leo was there, as he had been for two nights in a row, reading quietly at one corner of the room, finally having accepted her mother’s invitation.

Susanna went quietly to the library and came back with the file she had been working on. She stood nervously at the doorway until all pairs of eyes had turned to her.

“What, dear? Are you unwell?” Her mother asked, frowning, a little worried.

“I’m fine, mom… Er… I have something to talk to you about… All of you.” She glanced swiftly at Leo, including him in the conversation. “This project I’ve been working on…”

She finally sat down and made her presentation. The idea was to turn the manor into a bed and breakfast inn. People had been coming from everywhere to the region, with the news of the National Park, backpackers, walkers, bikers and climbers headed for the paths up the moors; and many a visitor, couples in honeymoon or elderly couples enjoying their retirement, had asked if they intended to take guests in the near future.

The idea was to move all the living quarters to the upper floor, turning the ground rooms at the east wing into four bedrooms with en suite facilities and entertaining areas (chess room, reading room, music room). The main dining room at the west wing would also be opened for the use of guests. She presented the rough figures for the renovation of the rooms and the expected profit from room fees and the sale of goods produced by the manor.

The project also considered a partnership among all of them, Susanna and her mother, the Camerons and Leo, in equal shares, ending the employment relationship between them.

She finished by adding that Mr. Sheffield could provide all legal assistance concerning the business and the liberation of funds from the trust. And she believed that if they set the project in motion as soon as possible, they could have everything ready by mid June, still in time for the vacation season.

At first everybody remained silent. Then Mr. Cameron asked to have a look at the files, asking Susanna a bunch of questions, trying to understand the details of the project. She was so concentrated going assuredly through her plan from point to point, that she didn’t notice that Leo, book resting on his lap, kept looking at her with a smile and a frowned forehead, in sheer admiration.

Mr. Cameron at last gave the verdict.

“Indeed, young lady, this is a very good idea.” He said, followed shortly by Susanna’s mother and Mrs. Cameron, and a very surprised and silent Leo. “If you all agree, I believe the next step is to appoint a meeting with Mr. Sheffield to discuss the legal and financial aspects, before any decision is made. Well, done, Miss Susanna. Well done!”

Susanna was flushing with embarrassment and pride. “Thank you… Let’s see…” She stood up swiftly, excused herself and left.

She was so excited that she just couldn’t stay in the house, so she decided to take a walk outside.

It was a fine evening. She looked up at the billions of stars above, shining free of any sign of fog or cloud in the clear sky. She was breathing fast and her chest trembled a little, as it always happened to her when experiencing a moment of truth.

She paced to the backyard, enjoying the cool evening breeze, crossed the bridge over the lake and walked towards the old mill. As she got there, she passed through the partially fallen entrance, climbed up the stairs and through a gap on the roof and lay on the round platform, gazing at the starlit velvet.

She had been there for a while when she heard footsteps on the stairs. Soon Leo’s moonlit profile appeared through the hole on the platform.

“Care for company?” he asked with a smile.

“Come up.” She said, rising on two elbows.

He climbed the rest of the steps carrying a bundle on his arm, which turned out to be a woolen plaid.

“In case ye’re cold.” He said, laying the cloth beside her, lying down on one side and inviting her to lie on the other.

They both lay there, hands crossed under their heads, watching the spring night sky. Her heart paced up again with his body so close to hers.

“Wha’ d’ye mean by ‘at? He asked after a while, the usual baritone deeper and a little hoarse.

“What?” She was uncertain for a second.

“The partnership. Wa’ d’ye mean by ‘at? Was it exasperation she had detected in his tone?

“Well…” She hesitated, not sure about what to say and what to expect. “I just thought it was a good thing. For all of us.”

He did not reply. After a while, the silence had become to grow heavy and she decided to break it, fighting the fear of any attack on his part.

“What’s the bloody matter? What do you think, that I’m handing out the business out of charity because you’re a poor bastard worthy of nothing but pity and incapable of accomplishing things by yourself?” She defied him, cringing a little away, expecting a punch or worse.

To her surprise, he began to laugh. And he kept laughing for a while, wiping tears from his eyes with the sleeves of his shirt. She rose to one elbow to face him, open-mouthed, totally taken aback by his reaction.

“Somethin’ like ‘at”, he said, between laughs. “Somethin’ like ‘at…” He added a few words in that guttural lingo of his, as his laughter began to lessen.

She just waited for an explanation, mad at herself to have found time in spite of her own anger to wonder about how handsome he looked lying there by her side.

“Is that what you take me for?” She finally asked, more and more upset with his silence.

“Nay. “ He was serious now.

“What, then? Do you think I’m lying, or trying to impress? What is it?” She bit her lip as she noticed that her voice had risen and tears had flowed to her eyes in spite of herself.

He just lay there in silence. Then he slowly rose to one elbow himself, to look at her. She couldn’t see his face, hidden in the shadow. She sustained her look, though, felling exposed with the moonlight shining broadly on her face.

“Ye canna lie, lass.” He said and she knew that he was smiling in the shade. “Everythin’ ye think appears right in yer face.”

“Shit.” She said and looked down, hiding behind a lock of hair.

They remained in silence for a while.

“Ye really didna wan’ all o’ this, did ye?” he sad it in a low voice, mostly to himself and not meant as a question to her. But she heard him well and got it the other way.

“What bloody kind of question is that?!?” She sat up swiftly, staring at him with eyes wide open, tears now rolling out of control.

“I… I didna mean…” He looked up at her startled, his torso half lifted from the roof.

“Do you think you know me? Do you think that I… Did you really…?” The words stumbled at her lips. She held her breath, and then snorted and fought to breath again, as the familiar clasp took hold of her throat.

He kept staring at her, really scared now, open mouthed, but she would not let him speak.

“You don’t know the first thing about me!” Her voice came out striking against the grasp.

“Do you really think I’m happy that we’re better off now after years of cleaning people’s shit? Do you really think that the price we paid was fair? The… the…” She pressed her lips trying to hold back the words, but they forced their way through her mouth. “… D-death of my family?”

She lifted a hand to her chest and throat, enduring physical pain.

“Don’t you see that I would drown in shit for the rest of my life if it could bring them back?”

She was sobbing helplessly.

“You stupid… Arrogant…” She finally hid her face in her hands and dropped down exhausted, her back to him, legs folded close to her chest, unable to just stand up and run away.

He looked down, mortified, at the shaking bundle beside him.

“Hush, lass…” He said, touching her softly on the shoulder. His touch made her cry even more and he withdrew his hand.

“I’m sorry, Susanna.” He said in a low voice and a sigh.

The sound of his voice saying her name for the first time made her stop sobbing for a second, but then the crying went on with a noticeable sadder note.

He finally lay down and pulled her towards him, placing her head on the curve of his arm, her face still covered by her hands resting on his chest. His hand went on caressing her hair and her back, while his lips whispered foreign soothing words in her ear. She did not resist him or the fact that there were so many more tears to be shed, and she cried in his arms until she fell asleep.

* * *


Susanna woke up with a slight tremble, as the moon reached the highest spot in the sky to find them still there, embraced on the roof of the old mill. It took her a second or two to realize where she was. And with whom.

She broke free from Leo’s arm and sat up, shaking a bit with the cool breeze, having left the shelter of his body. He sat down by her side, placing the loose end of the plaid on her back. Her hand met his over her shoulder and squeezed it. He put his arm around her and pulled her closer in silence. She leaned her head to the side and pressed the hand on her shoulder, inside her own, with her wet cheek. He bent his head down slowly and kissed her hair, giving her a handkerchief.

Works had been spoken and could not be taken back. But somehow all was understood and forgiven, as the silent language of their bodies kept them there, in each other’s arms. They were both aware of the fact that their bodies were now way ahead of them, eager to carry on their mute conversation, in spite of themselves, heartbeats so fast that were almost audible. But a feeling unknown to them had already begun to take hold of their minds and hearts. They knew their bodies would have to wait, then. They sighed deeply at the same time, having reached the same conclusion, looked at each other and smiled.

He finally stood up and helped her to her feet. They climbed down the stairs, walked hand in hand to the bridge and went their parting ways.

* * *


May Eve arrived shortly after and Susanna was aware of a feeling of hidden excitement in the manor. It could be the church fête the next day, when there would be maypole and morris dancers in the village. But there was something else, as if the air were hissing with electricity. Julia had come from college the day before for the holiday and Susanna had more than once caught the Cameron women whispering to each other at the corners of the house, changing whatever subject they were discussing every time she happened to approach.

That morning the restlessness had reached the climax, with Julia pacing up and down the kitchen with glimmering eyes, giving sideways replies to Susanna’s questioning looks.

So it was a very puzzled Susanna whom Leo invited to a horse ride later that morning.

“Ye’re well, lass?” He asked, reading her confusion in her frowned forehead.

‘I’m fine.” She paused and, taking a deep breath, faced him to ask. “I mean… Everybody is strange these days… Mrs. Cameron and Julia… I wonder what the hell is going on…” She snorted with frustration.

“Aye, ‘tis probably the holiday.” He said, narrowed eyes looking at her from behind the saddle as he busied to set Faol Mhòr free.

“Do they have riots here on Labour Day?” She asked, a little annoyed with the expression on his face, the one he always had when he was having fun with her bewilderment.

“Ah, city lass…” He laughed, teasing her, taking time to watch as her cheeks went redder by the minute, wondering how damn beautiful she looked when she pointed her chin up in defiance every time she got angry, and the messy strands of hair loose from her plait flying with the brisk breeze around her face.

By now she had learned from experience that he would torture her with silence before satisfying her curiosity, so she just bit her lip, crossed her arms on her chest and gave him a slanted look.

They left Faol Mhòr grazing by the wood and walked together to the river east of the fruit garden, where it formed a pond beneath a little waterfall. She stood by the bank, arms still folded, as he slowly took off his shoes and clothes and jumped noisily in the pond, vigorously shaking his head as he emerged, loose hair golden by the morning sun.

“Ye ain’t comin’?” He shouted, moving a huge amount of water with his arm, sprinkling her from head to toes.

“You bugger.” She said between her teeth as he looked innocently at her. She shook her head in defeat and finally stripped into the bathing suit under her wet clothes, walking carefully into the water.

After a while he leaned back on a rocky platform on the bank and let his body float, biting a reed stem, seemingly satisfied with the length of her torture.

“’Tis Bealtuinn.” He said, eyes half closed at the reflection of the sun on the water mirror.

She swam towards him and, placing herself by his side, waited and listened, curbing the impulse to ask what the fucking hell that was supposed to mean.

“The celebration o’ the beginning o’ summer.” He said with a professorial air.

“Ah, Beltane, you mean. I know, church fête, maypole, bonfires…” She said, wondering about the passing of time. It would be May tomorrow already.

“Tsk-tsk… City lass, no doubt about it…” He shook his head disapprovingly, frowning to conceal a smile.

She opened her mouth to reply, but gave up. Instead, she stroke back.

“So, will you go skyclad into the woods to jump through some bonfire tonight?” She gave him a slanted look.

“Nay. Only lassies do ‘at.” He winked one eye, apparently to wash the water drops from his lid. “After all, ‘tis too dangerous to jump through fire wi’ skirts on, dinna ye reckon?

“Well, you’ve got a point, there.”

She smiled, watching as his long white toes floated up and down the surface. Her eyes moved up to the line of the bulky calves, the thick knees, the well built thighs. To go further up would mean to move her head towards him, bellying her apparent lack of interest in the handsome male body beside her.

Not that she had not already seen the rest of him, the strong torso, the arms where all muscles were visible beneath the tanned skin, the soft volume of the abdomen, the inverted triangle of his shoulders and back aiming at the narrower round shape of his buttocks beneath the fabric of the bathing shorts he would wear now and then.

She wondered whether he would do the same, measure her body as she was doing with his. The thought made her shudder slightly in spite of the heat.

“Do you think they do… I mean, go to the woods after sunset?” She asked in a conscious attempt to wash her thoughts about him back to the depths of her mind where they belonged.

“Who?” He was a little started as if he had been taken from the depths of his mind as well.

“Mrs. Cameron… And Julia…” Spoken out loud, the words sounded strange and the idea, as unlikely.

“Nay…” he said as if dismissing the subject, but she noticed an undertone that made her suspicious.

“Hmmm…” If he would not help her, she would find out by herself.

* * *


Susanna had been standing in her hiding spot behind the large trunk of an ancient oak tree for about a quarter of an hour. She was glad that she had chosen a sweater and denim pants instead of a dress, and her old boots for her foray into the woods. The cool breeze before dawn had chilled her hands and feet and the tip of her nose.

“Skyclad my ass.” She shrugged a little. “Well, maybe you don’t mind the cold if you’re dancing or running after flowers or making love…” She smiled at the thought.

She had followed the Cameron women earlier through the woods west to the manor, after having stalked them since they had gone to bed the previous night. They had walked for about twenty minutes westwards. Suddenly they had vanished into thin air right before her very eyes. Grasping her mouth to suppress a scream, she had carefully followed ahead to the spot where they had disappeared. She was surprised to find a gap in the fence that she believed marked the boundaries of the property. The passageway was hidden by a thick bundle of bushes that prevented animals from getting in an out, but allowed a person to cross with no difficulty to the other side, where the woods went on. She had wondered if the side she was walking belonged already to the Llewellyn-Parker’s estate; only later that day she realized that the there was a part of the woods that was no-man’s land, between the two properties, linking the foot of the moors to the southwestern planes.

Another thing puzzled her. Leo had avoided that part of the fence when they had gone “beating the bounds” the day before, supposedly a very useful Beltane tradition, according to him. She wondered if it had been really unintentional or if he was aware of the passage.

She had kept following carefully in the women’s footsteps, deeper and deeper through the thick wall of trees.

Finally they had reached a clearing in the woods, a perfect circle of grass framed by a line of tall, ancient trees. The starlit sky above traced the profile of a huge millstone perfectly centered in the clearing.

“An altar!” She thought, excited.

The women disappeared behind the trees where she could hear whispering voices, but she was sure that this was the place where whatever was going to happen would take place and they would come back. So she found herself a place to hide and watch, and waited.

She held her breath when she heard the rustling of footsteps on the dewed grass coming towards the clearing from the site right opposite to where she was standing. Twenty-one women, she counted, of all ages, barefoot, dressed in long sleeveless white gauze tunics and clear-blue silky hooded cloaks down to their feet.

The sun was about to rise, she could tell by the grey light in the sky to her right. The women had formed a semicircle around the millstone facing East. One of them, seemingly the youngest, she noticed by the slender shape and the soft skin on the arms, stood still on the top of the stone, facing down, her head covered with the hood. The oldest one, it seemed, stood behind the young woman, facing east where the sun was about to show its face.

She raised her arms above her head and spoke, a deep clear voice that sounded as if it belonged to someone else, in a language that reminded Susanna of Leo’s often muttered words, yet different, as if they came from a place lost in ancient times.

Then a sunbeam touched the top of the young woman’s hood. The older one, reading the sign, reached at the ribbons beneath the girl’s throat and untied them. The cloak glided down to her feet.

Susanna bit her tongue, in shock. There, in the centre of the millstone, face up to catch the sunbeam in her forehead between her eyebrows, eyes shinning under the narrowed lids, a smile of bliss on her lips and as naked as she had been born into this world, stood Julia.

Her girlfriend seemed to be in a state of trance, unaware of the other women around and of the morning breeze spiking her skin and caressing the long fair hair around her face.

Susanna held her breath again when Julia raised her arms herself, tracing a wide circle in the space around her until her hands met above her head, reciting words in the same ancient language.

But then, just as Julia finished tracing the circle with her arms, Susanna saw something that made her froze, a cold shiver running up from her lower back to her neck, grabbing her skull like an iron clasp.

There, in the hollow before Julia, floated a globe about two meters wide, emitting a faint bluish-golden luminescence.

Susanna raised a hand that weighed a ton and slowly rubbed her closed eyes. But, when she opened them again, she could still see the bubble of light.

She searched the eyes of the women around the millstone, one by one, and she was sure no one else was having that vision. As she kept looking, unable to take her eyes off the shinning globe, she noticed undistinguishable shapes inside it, like leaves carried by a raging wind or waves in high tide, and sunshine to a brighter day than the one being born around her. Slowly the leaves and waves turned into the shape of a woman, amber eyes looking straight at Susanna. The mouth in the blurred face opened without a sound, but Susanna heard the voice in her head and every cell in her body juddered when she heard her own name.

Then she shut her eyes and abandoned herself to darkness and silence.

* * *


“When you see the spin unwind
Fight the fear inside your mind
Go in circles round and round
Till you walk inside the ground.”


Susanna drew a deep breath enjoying the familiar warm sensation on her cheeks. Eyes closed, she stretched herself, smiling, the tune fading in her ears.

“Susanna, my dear!” She opened her eyes started by her mother’s scream, heart beating fast and suddenly nauseous.

“What?”

“How are you feeling? What happened, girl?”

Susanna stared at her mother, a blank expression on her face, as bits and pieces of memories came slowly together to solve the puzzle of the early morning events. She could remember everything but had no idea how she had been brought back from the woods.

“I… I don’t know… “ She mumbled, and there was no need to lie about that much. “What happened?”

With some effort she was able to extract from her very distressed mother that Leo had found her lying unconscious in the backyard and had brought her back to the house about half an hour ago.

“That’s what they told you, mom.” She thought to herself, standing up and reaching for her shoes, mind made up to find out the truth.

“Dear, you can’t stand up! You need to rest! Are you hurt? Do you want some tea?” Her mother walked around her on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Holding her by the shoulders, Susanna put on her reassuring face and said that she was fine and they were going downstairs for breakfast and then everybody would go to the church fête later. As she said that, her mind had already made up a reasonable explanation for her being outside, the throbbing lump at the back of her skull adding a note of truth to her story.

“Mom, it was nothing. I just woke up earlier and decided to take a walk outside, I must have slipped on the wet grass, bumped my head and fainted.” She rubbed her head that had started to really hurt by now.

“But you need to rest, then! You might have a concussion! And you’re not going to the village today!” Her mother swung her round and grabbed her skull with both hands, inspecting her scalp.

“Mom! You see, I told you, it’s nothing!” She turned back to face her mother, who had risen one suspicious eyebrow.

“Well, it does not look so bad. But there’ll be no standing in the sun, no dancing and certainly no jumping through bonfires to you today, missy!” Her mother said leaving no ground for discussion.

“Yes, mom.” At least she was going and maybe she could catch Julia alone. “Shall we go, then? She placed her mother’s hand inside her arm and they went downstairs.

When they got in the kitchen, Susanna met two very worried pairs of eyes.

“How are you feeling?” Julia was the first to speak, giving her an anxious look that could be interpreted as concern for her wounded friend, but with something more.

“I’m fine.” Susanna repeated the tale about her unfortunate morning stroll. She could feel the tension lessening around her.

Everybody was bound to leave for the village in about an hour, with a group of guests. Their eyes talked in silence while Susanna sipped her tea, so there was no resistance on Julia’s part when she was invited to take a walk outside, supposedly to bathe their faces in the dew of May morning to retain their youthful beauty.

The two women walked in silence, crossing the bridge to the old mill.

“Now. Everything.” Susanna’s determination was unmistakable, arms crossed on her chest, slanted fiery eyes.

Julia told her that her mother and herself had found her unconscious by the oak tree when they were leaving the clearing, after the ritual was over. As they were not able to carry her by themselves, she had run for Leo, who had brought her back to the house on his shoulder.

“What happened to you there, Su?” Julia asked worried.

“I don’t know. I… saw something.” And she went on describing her vision to her friend the best she could.

Julia listened in silence, her lips forming a smile as Susanna talked.

“Oh, dear, Goddess…”

“What?” Susanna stared, baffled.

“Oh, Su… You have no idea…”

“Damn it, Julia, spit it out, woman!” Susanna lost her patience completely.

Julia sighed and began to talk, softly. She told her about the Goddess, the Great Mother, the female force of Nature herself. About the faces of the Goddess – the girl, the young woman, the mother, the old woman - and of how every time in the life of a woman is sacred as a pure manifestation of the Goddess. She told her that every woman holds it in herself the gift to be a priestess of the Great Mother, and of how in ancient times a priestess was able to conjure the powers of Nature, the forces of life hidden in stones, trees, flowers, seeds, roots, leaves and the four elements, to heal the body, the heart, the mind and the soul. And of how some priestesses had the sight and the power to open portals to other dimensions in time and space and to look in the face of the Goddess herself. And she told her about how those powers had been oppressed, harassed and banished when the male god became dominant in the world, breaking the ancient balance that sustained Universes.

Susanna watched Julia as she spoke, simply, in a heartfelt way, a glow of light around her. That and the trembling in her chest gave testimony of a moment of truth.

“I think you have the sight, Su. I envy you… In a good way, believe me. That’s what we, modern priestesses, wish for but seldom get. It’s a gift, either you are born with it or you aren’t…” She reached for Susanna’s hand and kissed it. A tear dropped on the middle finger and she wiped it with her thumb.

Susanna sat there on the fallen stone by the old mill, speechless. Mixed feelings somersaulted in her mind. The things Julia had told her sounded so bizarre to her rational ears. Yet she had been thinking about similar ideas herself lately, alone in the library. But that was one thing. To know that those ideas could actually dwell in the world of matter was a completely different thing, like crossing a chasm without a bridge. However, the early morning event was real, she knew it for a fact. She just did not know what to do with that knowledge.

“It’s not really a matter of believing. There are things you just know for facts, only the available sources of explanation simply don’t apply”. Julia said, following the course of Susanna’s thoughts.

“So you’re a mind reader too, you little witch…” Susanna thought with growing tenderness.

“Like having answers to questions you have not yet thought about.” She finally said, watching as her words reached Julia and lit her face with understanding.

“Yes, dear. Exactly.” Then she hesitated. “Can you forgive me, Su? I was dying to tell you, but I could not, you know…” She said at last, a shadow of anxiety on her face.

“I know, dear. Don’t worry, I won’t tell a soul… Or any living being for that matter!” She smiled, kissing Julia’s hand in turn.

They laughed for a while then stood up to go back to the house. As they walked side by side towards the bridge, Julia suddenly gave Susanna a warm hug.

“I love you, Su, as the sister I never had.”

“I love you too, dear.” Susanna held her tight, biting her lip as the memory of the sister she had had and lost hurt like a sting in her heart. She pushed Julia away because she did not want to cry.

They crossed the bridge in silence.

Before going inside the kitchen, Susanna asked the question that had began to shout in her mind.

“Does Leo know?” She frowned, suddenly afraid of the answer.

“Oooh, yes.” Julia made a quizzical face. “ I had to tell him, otherwise he would break my neck and throw my body in the lake.” She laughed, raising an eyebrow. “Believe me, he meant every word. The man went berserk when he saw you lying there and thought we had hurt you somehow.”

“Right.” Susanna avoided Julia’s questioning look.

“Leo is a good man, Su. He’s special. And he cares deeply for you and I don’t need the sight to see that… “ Julia added with a wink.

“Right.” Susanna said between her teeth, grabbed Julia’s arm and turned around swiftly, dragging her friend into the kitchen, away from the blazing sun that supposedly made her cheeks burn.


* * *


*end of Chapter Three*