Joined: Mon Oct 18, 2004 12:30 am Posts: 881 Location: Australia
There's far too many people in this place.
Everywhere, as though it were privilege. Griping about yesterday's news with luxurious hindsight.
It would be so easy to be king.
It's the smell. Walls of stench become home, a transparent quilt woven in time.
And the sounds mimic the very vibrations they knowingly adore.
I turn off the radio, but the chatter sustains.
I block my ears. The chatter sustains.
I close my eyes.
There's far too many people in this place.
_________________ Don't thank me, thank the gravitational pull of the earth's moon.
Joined: Sat Mar 11, 2006 5:06 am Posts: 3146 Location: Orange County, California
_________________ I waited all day
you waited all day
but you left before sunset
and I just wanted to tell you
that the moment was beautiful
just wanted to dance to bad music
drive bad cars
watch bad tv
should have stayed for the sunset
if not for me
Joined: Wed Feb 22, 2006 1:37 am Posts: 2465 Location: A dark place
Holy shit! Great!
Here's my only problem...
Everywhere, as though it were privilege. Griping about yesterday's news with luxurious hindsight.
It would be so easy to be king.
It's the smell. Walls of stench become home, a transparent quilt woven in time.
I think it would be stronger to stick with the noise and chatter... maybe just deal with one sense...
Noise is a hard topic... it's easy to fall back on cliches like "earshot" and "20/20"
Maybe something like..
The chatter is everywhere, griping about yesterday's news with luxurious privilege.
It would be so easy to be king.
The frequency produces waves of disenchantment that have become my home.
A transparent quilt built on dissonance.
I don't know maybe not... I love the word dissonance... but most do not...
_________________ Do you like crappy amateur photography? Check out my photo blog here.
Joined: Mon Oct 18, 2004 12:30 am Posts: 881 Location: Australia
turned2black wrote:
Holy shit! Great!
Here's my only problem...
Everywhere, as though it were privilege. Griping about yesterday's news with luxurious hindsight. It would be so easy to be king. It's the smell. Walls of stench become home, a transparent quilt woven in time.
I think it would be stronger to stick with the noise and chatter... maybe just deal with one sense...
Noise is a hard topic... it's easy to fall back on cliches like "earshot" and "20/20"
Maybe something like..
The chatter is everywhere, griping about yesterday's news with luxurious privilege. It would be so easy to be king. The frequency produces waves of disenchantment that have become my home. A transparent quilt built on dissonance.
I don't know maybe not... I love the word dissonance... but most do not...
You're right, it would be stronger to deal with one sense, but that wouldn't address the entire topic. In future I should lean towards this, but for this piece it wouldn't have conveyed my thoughts completely.
Cheers.
_________________ Don't thank me, thank the gravitational pull of the earth's moon.
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