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 Post subject: shitdraft
PostPosted: Sun Jun 10, 2007 10:53 am 
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Yeah Yeah Yeah
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Location: Edinburgh/Lincoln, UK
EDIT: This sucked ass, and has since been modified into this: viewtopic.php?f=12&t=68058 -o)


Last edited by iceagecoming on Thu Oct 11, 2007 8:38 pm, edited 3 times in total.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Jun 10, 2007 4:16 pm 
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Unthought Known
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"censoring the poetry of life, or maybe beauty's just lost its novelty?"

"And, though the posters are tearing, and the spray paint is melting,
There's still a little bit of light"

you craft some strong lines here. despite changing the outlook of the piece completely, i would cut the last line, or at least revise it. it is a bold shift in a different direction (one that i wasn't expecting), and in poetry that is a technique that can work well. in this context however, it seems a little forced. just my 2 cents.


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 11, 2007 8:34 pm 
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Mike's Maniac
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Loved the pace.

"Those who know where they are going can be just as lost as me."

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