when she falls asleep (by deav)
Rio, Sep 2007


do you know?
how lonely does it feel
when she falls asleep?
you wander around the place you know
read, tv, you don’t want to sleep

suddenly the silence is immense
like waiting, waiting forever
it’s the same place but no longer the same
alien landscapes you see every day
how lonely does it feel when she falls asleep?

are you angry? do you argue?
do you send her away
wishing she would stay?
how lonely does it feel when she goes away?

do you really wish her back?
run around, look for her?
do you ask her name at least?
does it feel that you belong?
it feels so lonely when she falls asleep


* * *

I really enjoy this one. it builds nicely. i like the changes at the end of each line.

I'm not sure about the opening stanza because it doesn't fit with the rest of the scheme. Maybe if you opened with the main line instead of the question, it would work as an opposite to the other verses and be more effective. You might just be able to flip the first two lines. I don't know. Just a thought.

But I enjoyed the poem. It's very emotional and descriptive of feelings. I felt it.

.

dea, I loved reading this one and letting it take me to a place only your poems lead a way to... it was awesome from the beginning but the 3rd verse really got me... "do you send her away/ wishing she would stay"...