any feedback would be great.....my attempt at a mournful cowboy tune......

Lament

Come to me rough & come to me raw
Just keep that war inside
A jungle with too many kings, my girl
Gonna take my hand in stride

Weight of the world & heavy tolls
Not fit for bones so fare
To take it on is not your role
Pass it over to me to share

Live your life & wage that war
Be real and live your song
Life comes swingin’ from its corner, girl
Dodge the blows but throw along

I haven’t earned & I don’t deserve
I come from miles away
Hold on to all that’s yours, little girl
Or they’ll take it from you someday

I’m waitin’ on the four horsemen, so tired of this wanderin’…..
I’m waitin’ on the four horsemen, to guide me to the end……..

Promise me yes & promise me not
At least I’ll come of age
Promise me all that I dream of, girl
And I swear I’ll find my way

There’s men who toil & men who own
I fall into neither case
My only role’s to protect my girl
And make right by her this day

Slanted smiles & dangerous eyes
See them for what they are
Girl, pray we get out of here with our lives
Their souls are made of feather and tar

Worried mothers & hurried lovers
Our friends are doing fine
Commit yourself to no one, girl
You’ll be bowing down in line

I’m waitin’ on the four horsemen, so tired of this wanderin’…..
I’m waitin’ on the four horsemen, to guide me to the end……

Forgive yourself & forgive my love
To each his earthly own
Crawl up inside my chest, little girl
Carve out my heart to call home

Tangled web & no weaver known
Don’t look for it from above
Seein’ good men take innocent life
Seein’ brutal men find love

Baptize me here & preach to me now
Mad dog liars are to blame
All I see are marble eyes, girl
Staring back at from whence they came

Blind believers & sketchy cures
Say soon we’ll see the light
To see the light, you’re as good as blind
Where’s God in endless night?

I’m waitin’ on the four horsemen, so tired of this wanderin’…..
I’m waitin’ on the four horsemen, to guide me to the end…….

i don't really care too much for the chorus part, but really like most verses. some read kind of like Mark Lanegan lyrics. is this a poem or do you this recording as a song? i'd love to hear it.

it was born from combining and refining various unfinished pieces that i had written as poetry......i passed it along to my roommate, he's the "musical" one, and he's putting some melody to it......i'll post the tune when he gets a chance to record it......thanks for the reply.....paranoia strikes deep after two weeks and no responses.......