This is a day in the life of me and my friends.

Exploitation

It was supposed to be a simple day. We were going to find a small country, exploit it, and then pee on some dead things. But everything went terribly wrong. In route to find a small country, we nearly ran over a drunken homeless man who had passed out in the middle of the road. Well actually we did run him over (and when I say “we” I mean Elliott, because he was distracted by something shiny) but he only got the bum's right foot, which just happened to be bionic. Like Robocop, but without the gun. Sparks flew from the bionic leg and ignited the leaky gas tank under the piece of shit Fish Van. The Fish Van (named after it’s rotten stench) flipped over and landed on it’s side, luckily not the side with the door. We all managed to crawl out without a scratch. Elliott wanted to go back for his bass guitar, but it was too dangerous. The Fish Van was already engulfed in flames. Elliott did not care. He mumbled a few dirty words, shook his fist at the sky, and headed for the Fish Van. He was out of control, and had to be stopped. I decided to take it upon myself and bash him over the head with a large rock. He dropped to the ground like a ton of bricks.
Ed laughed and said “Dude, you hit him pretty hard.” Then Chuck said “Hey let’s go to Taco Bell.” Then the bum said “Man I could really go for some tacos right now.” I glared at him angrily and said “Shut the fuck up you damn bum, no one’s talking to you.”
Just then Dave pulled up in his red chevy pickup truck and offered us a ride. He was drunk as hell and there was what appeared to be deer blood and some bloody deer fur all over the front of his truck, but he was our only hope of getting some tacos and then possibly finding a small country to exploit, so we hopped in the bed of the truck, yelled “Vamos!” and told him to find a Taco Bell pronto. Dave yelled something in what sounded like Yiddish, and then sped away. Despite the deer blood, empty beer cans, and bloody tampons, Dave’s pickup smelled a lot better than the Fish Van. I think we all wondered how he can see the road, wearing that stupid football helmet he stole from that 14 year old exhibitionist, but nobody said anything about it. After driving 20 minutes behind some wanker who had 15 american flags and 3 jesus fish attached to his Volvo, we miraculously found a Taco Bell. Dave slammed hard into a fire hydrant and then ”parked” the truck on the lawn. We walked in and much to our surprise it had real live Mexicans! None of us had ever eaten at a restaurant with real live Mexicans. They’re actually pretty swell and accomodating. This one guy had a big afro with all kinds of neat stuff hidden in it, like glow sticks, box cutters, croutons, light beer, and a Crypts lighter.
“Holy shit, that guy is in the Crypts!” exclaimed Ed. “What? Oh shit, we should..………hey wait a minute, that’s no Mexican, it’s Rob!” said Chuck. “He just hasn’t shaved in a few days.” “Rob, what are you doing here?” I said. “And where the hell are we?” “I work here guys, and this is my new town of Perkesy.” “Ohhhhh.” Said everyone. “Hey who’s that passed out on the table?” asked Rob. “That’s Dave.” Replied Ed. “Oh I didn’t recognize him. Hi Dave!” “Ughhhhhh wobbbbllle” responded Dave (Dave wobbles a lot and likes to say the word “wobble” when he’s drunk). “So what are you guys doing today?” asked Rob. “Well we’re trying to find a small country to exploit and then maybe pee on some dead things.” “We all came down in that piece of shit Fish Van of Elliott’s but then the Fish Van blew up, so Dave gave us a ride.” What?!” “Then where’s Elliott?” Puzzled, we all looked around the Taco Bell for a couple minutes, gazing wildy through a crowd of smelly mexicanos. “Oh shit, we forgot Elliott!”
After watching Dave get gang raped by a couple of 400+ lb. female roofer/carpet layers, we all hopped in the pickup and sped back down the road in search of our dear friend Elliott. When we got there Elliott was still in the same spot, although laying on the ground. There was a ton of blood surrounding his fat ass, and his shoes were gone. The bum was gone too. Then we realized Elliott wasn’t breathing, so we took his pulse and sure enough he was dead. So we all whipped out our cocks and peed on him. Then we got the hell out of there. It was the biggest thing to ever happen in the town of Perkesy.