Not sure I like that title. Meant to sleep and wrote this instead.


Another little heart that is messed up
One more drink to forget it all
She’s going to jump when your fingers touch
She’s been waiting and it’s been long
You’re gonna come down, it’s gonna hurt
Where there’s smoke, there’s fire
And it’s gonna burn

She’s a little cracked but not fully broken
If you can’t be careful, be kind, and put her back
It won’t be wild but a gentle token
And when it’s the love you lack
You’re gonna come down, it’s gonna hurt
Where there’s smoke, there’s fire
And it’s gonna burn

You’ve been a worried man
Not sure about the path you’re on
Your eyes are empty and you want to shine
You see a light and want to grab on
Anything for a sign
You’re gonna come down, it’s gonna hurt
Where there’s smoke, there’s fire
And who’ll get burned?

Without a reason
But we need a reason
You run around and tire
And then what will you desire

Where there’s smoke, there’s fire…

Not sure about the path you’re on


I like this line, but I don't know about the rest. Seems lack of sleep and it was just something you forced while you were trying to sleep.

Glad you like that line.

And wow, Rick. I'm glad you told me that. I've only had someone say they didn't care for something I've written once before. Funny thing is, that is also one of the other time's I wrote in the she/he format. Weird. Anyway, thanks for being honest.

I'll be glad to know what others think too.

I think it was alot to do with apostrophes, It made my eyes go crazy, almost to the point that I was turning them into commas and pausing, and unnecessary pauses. Just making the reading to long and drug out.

I dig it... could use some reworking when you're less sleepy.

As far as the title goes, I'd call it either "Burn" or "Burn (Where There's Smoke...)"

I could take out some apostrophes, Rrrrrrick.

Thanks Jay. I thought about both of those titles.

actually thought that was pretty good, some double meaning in there?

Thanks Dev. You could say there is a little double meaning. Where do you see it at?

It could all be about the situation between the two people but parts of the first 2 stanzas seem like they could be sexual or maybe that is supposed to be obvious?

I'll admit that I didn't write it with that double meaning, but I see what you are saying and saw that before you mentioned it. If anything it makes the song more interesting.

I really liked the last 5 lines in this one...and i actually thought the piece was strong on the whole. I always like reading your work SSR

I'm not sure if you're a musician at all, but i think these would sit to music really well. There was a definite lyrical feel.

ATs what I'm working on.
EDIT: whoops, wrong song.

Thanks a lot. I appreciate the compliment.

Um, how do I say this? I play guitar very badly. I'm actually going to start practicing again over the summer most likely and will try to become competent. Sometimes I have music ideas or "hear" it in my head, but I'm not good enough to set the words to music. It's a shame.