There once was this sacred candlelit room monestarial stucco I wasnt much more than A child Remember? It was beautiful... We were joined then... as we are now... I lost you to the hallway I love you
_________________ Last visit was: Wed Dec 31, 1969 7:00 pm It is currently Wed Oct 22, 2008 6:43 am When the Power of Love overcomes the Love of Power, the World will know Peace. - Jimi Hendrix
I'd say capitalize every line, it does take a bit away. The word sacred is very loaded, and with a shorter piece, I'll recommend breaking that word down into a more tangible line or two. Monestarial stucco, interesting indeed; but I definitely want more. I'll go out on a limb and say there is more here, and I want to see that. Also don't end on the words I love you, just a word to the wise, but it has more connotations than anything you write will ever bring further forth. Take it further; we've all been there and as a writer you have to open eyes.
_________________ absinthe makes the heart grow fonder And so it goes...
There once was this sacred candlelit room monestarial stucco I wasnt much more than A child Remember? It was beautiful... We were joined then... as we are now... I lost you to the hallway I love you
Well it was a dream from my childhood and Im not a poetess... just a thought! LMAO! Phew! Wiping brow! I didnt know there was going to be a test at the end of class.... BTW "I love you" was the way I felt when I awoke... what happened inbetween the walls of the monestarial stucco was sacred...for there "he" only knows what happened and there is no other word to describe it . SACRED was the finite reality there in that dream. Im not publishing it and the thought was just an open message to the one whom catches my dreams frequently and the one whom is them alot.
_________________ Last visit was: Wed Dec 31, 1969 7:00 pm It is currently Wed Oct 22, 2008 6:43 am When the Power of Love overcomes the Love of Power, the World will know Peace. - Jimi Hendrix
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