When you turn to walk away
tears well in my glass eyes
Maybe it is you and not me
but now I'm blind and I can't see

I can swim but I will drown
you watch me sink without a sound
my body lost and never found
left lying lonely underground

You said that i am nothing to you
and this is not surprising to me
grab me, feel me, pass me around
try me on when I am gagged and bound

Then when i crave the abuse again
I feel confused and unglued
you fuck me over with glazed eyes
and hate myself for all your lies

Now I miss the damage and decay
since I went and gave myself away
when I am laid and splayed for all to see
I wonder who is to blame, you or me?

Good work. Thanks for sharing.



I like this the most.

nice Ren but still
and thats the point so i reiterate

thanks.
this one hurts.

When you turn to walk away
tears well in my glass eyes
Maybe it is you and not me
but now I'm blind and I can't see

I like this, but upon first reading I wanted a bit more. Just turning to walk away and glass eyes seemed trite but the second two lines made up for them, except I feel I've heard them before.

I can swim but I will drown
you watch me sink without a sound
my body lost and never found
left lying lonely underground

I don't like underground here, as it doesn't fit with the allusion of water/drowning. I get what you're saying but I'd love to see a cohesive stanza. And remember, rhyming is not key; even in lyric.

You said that i am nothing to you
and this is not surprising to me
grab me, feel me, pass me around
try me on when I am gagged and bound

Yeah I liked this stanza as well. I almost want another syllable in line 3 to make it completely even, but the timing flows well enough to make me overlook this and feel some anguish (as intended) due to it.

Then when I crave the abuse again
I feel confused and unglued
you fuck me over with glazed eyes
and hate myself for all your lies

Last line feels out of place. Also hating yourself is fairly shallow in the realm of poetry. You could pull it off in a pop song, but I'm imagine you're trying harder here; don't give up now.

Now I miss the damage and decay
since I went and gave myself away
when I am laid and splayed for all to see
I wonder who is to blame, you or me?

BOLD is golden... I see your argument and expect the last line; perhaps there is something else, more delicate, more base... something different than what is said by each party after every breakup regardless of duration.

I must say, I enjoyed this. If at all possible please rework it and post.