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 Post subject: Neil’s Lament, Old Man Takes a Look
PostPosted: Fri Jan 02, 2009 3:06 am 
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Location: Branford, CT
Second revision of a piece that began as a cinq-cinquain, the poem about Layne made me think of it.

Neil’s Lament, Old Man Takes a Look
Jagger
sang shine a light
for the original
Stone rolling fast to the bottom,
falling

Another
fed back
electric blues
like no other axe man,
lost in the haze of ladyland,
alone

As well,
the poet
who’s lost for words
moaning condemning notes,
fled his country a rider on
the storm

And so,
young ones
wasting away,
you’ve heard this dirge before:
old man warned of the damage done,
listen

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absinthe makes the heart grow fonder
And so it goes...


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 Post subject: Re: Neil’s Lament, Old Man Takes a Look
PostPosted: Fri Jan 02, 2009 5:23 am 
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We had the best time at your party. The wife and I thank you very much.

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my boredom doesn't have a window


Last edited by withoutrings on Thu Mar 17, 2011 6:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Neil’s Lament, Old Man Takes a Look
PostPosted: Fri Jan 02, 2009 5:29 am 
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:thumbsup:

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:peace: frank


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 Post subject: Re: Neil’s Lament, Old Man Takes a Look
PostPosted: Fri Jan 02, 2009 11:36 pm 
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Thanx for the kind words.
This started out longer, with a stanza devoted to Layne and Janis, but the connection wasn't there. I whittled this one down, and have held strong to not make it longer.
It seems, in others' opinion, that I produce some of my best stuff when held within the confines of a form. Actually, I've found a lot of people produce some really impressive stuff when restriction is enforced.

_________________
absinthe makes the heart grow fonder
And so it goes...


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 Post subject: Re: Neil’s Lament, Old Man Takes a Look
PostPosted: Wed Mar 18, 2009 10:39 am 
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losing relevance
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very good


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