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 Post subject: Before And After
PostPosted: Sat Oct 30, 2010 9:27 pm 
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Before and After
or
A Study in Structuralism and the Irrelevance of Allen Iverson



"Yes, Alex, I'll take Before and After for 200."
"One time Las Angeles Laker and famous gonzo journalist. James."
"Who is Devean George Plimpton?
"Ooh. Sorry. That is incorrect. Anyone else. . . ? The answer we were looking for was Lindsey Hunter S. Thompson. Great try though, James. I don't believe that's ever happened to us before."

***

"Who the hell is George Plimpton?" asked Don, a well-built, middle-aged, handsome man with a furrowed brow and an impatient disposition.
"He was a sports writer in the 60s," Bryan replied without looking up from his computer monitor.
"Damn you're fast on that thing."
"I didn't have to use it. I already knew who he was."
"You're barely out of college! How can you know about some obscure writer from the 60s?"
"I used a lot of his work in my thesis. It was about the strong influence of The Paris Review in the literary world despite lacking the necessary funding-"
"Well I don't give a shit if this guy is real, he answered the question wrong."
"Now wait a minute, Don," boomed a deep voice from a tall, slender man with a thick mustache, small circular glasses and messy graying hair. "Let's not jump to any conclusions."
"Who's jumping? The answer was Lindsey Hunter S. Thompson. You know that, Ned."
"It doesn't mean he's wrong though."
"Yes it does!"
"He was right about Devean George too," Bryan chimed in. "It says here that he spent 6 seasons with the Las Angeles Lakers before signing with the Dallas Mavericks and now he's-"
"Stop checking, Bryan. We don't need you now," Don replied.
"But was he right, Bryan?" Ned asked.
"Was who right? Don?"
"It's Mr. Evans, Bryan," Don corrected.
"No. The contestant; James. Was he right?" Ned asked.
"Yeah, he's absolutely right. Both names fit."
"None of this matters!" Don screamed.
"All of it matters. We are the judges and it is our job to determine the validity of each contestant's answer."
"Validity? No, Ned. We decide if they are right or wrong."
"Well, then. Bryan just told us that he's right."
"Who cares what Bryan said? He's just a researcher. I'm the judge and I say he's wrong."
"We are the judges, Don. And I don't think this has been resolved yet."
"Smitty, will you talk some sense into him?"
A short plump man with a wispy mustache, thin wire-framed glasses, and a pathetic comb over lifted his folded hands off of his tucked-in flannel shirt being stretched by his large belly and began to scratch his head.
"Well, Don may be right."
"Thank you," Don said with a sigh of relief.
"But his answer was correct, Smitty," Ned said.
"That's true . . . but not really."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, think about the question. When it was written there was only one possible answer: Lindsay Hunter S. Thompson. Just because the writer framed the question in a way that made it ambiguous doesn't mean that the contestant is right. He was simply given a poorly worded question."
"Actually, this is Jeopardy. So it was the answer that was written in an ambiguous manner. Not the question. James' response was the question."
"Shut up, Bryan."
"Sorry Don."
"Mister Evans!"
"Right."
"Okay, okay," Ned said as he stood up from his chair and began to pace back and forth. He clasped his hands together except for his index fingers which remained extended and touching one another like a church steeple pressed against his lips. "But we have to judge the contestant's answer based on what tools they are given. Given his context, the contestant provided an answer that was correct. He had no way of knowing what the writer's intentions were."
"Interesting point," Smitty said as he reclined in his chair.
"No, it's not. Guys, the producers are going to call us any minute now and they will need an answer so they can continue on to Final Jeopardy."
"We'll give them an answer when we have one. This isn't a live show. They can wait," Ned responded, slightly annoyed.
"But the Knicks are on tonight and LeBron is coming into town. My roomates and I-"
"Bryan!" Don yelled as he glared across the room with his arms crossed and his white oxford shirt showing just how red his face was getting.
"But the context doesn't matter," Smitty said as he leaned forward in his chair. "The meaning of the question is all our response should be based on."
"The words are all that matters, Smitty. How can we judge him on anything else?"
"We're not here to be an advocate for the contestants, Ned. We're here to find truth."
"Fine! He answered the question truthfully. It's like when you sign an important document and it asks you to testify that you answered the questions to the best of your abilities. It's okay if your answers are wrong as long as you think they're true."
"It's nothing like that, Ned! I know the answer. You know the answer. Don knows the answer. Lindsay Hunter, basketball player. Hunter S. Thompson, gonzo journalist. We all know the truth. We can't feel sorry for the guy because of some dumbass writer left a window open for those other two guys."
"Speaking of the Truth and the Answer, the Celtics and 76ers are playing tonight and I'd really like to be home for that if I can't make it to the Knicks game," Bryan said as he leaned forward with his head in his hand and his elbow on his computer desk.
"It doesn't matter what we know. It's what he knows. And he had no prior knowledge of the question or its framer's intention. All that matters are the words," Ned said as he stood leaning over his chair, gripping the top of it tightly.
"All that matters is the meaning," Smitty pleaded with him. "And seriously, Bryan, does anyone give a crap about Allen Iverson anymore?"
"Guys."
"Shut up, Bryan," Don bellowed.
"Okay, but the producers are on the line."
"What do they want?"
"What do you think they want, Don?"
"Mr. Evans! Let's take a vote now. I say wrong."
"Wrong," said Smitty.
"Right," said Ned.
"C'mon Ned! We can't fuck this up. What if this determines who wins and who loses and this guys beats someone on a technicality like this?"
"How much is it worth anyway, Bryan?" Ned asked.
"It's a 200 point question and he's in the negatives."
"Oh, then fuck him. Wrong."
"That's it? You're giving in that easy?" Smitty asked with a laugh.
"Wait a second," Don said as he walked over to Bryan. "You knew he wasn't even going to be in Final Jeopardy this whole time and you never said anything until now."
"No one ever asked. Besides, you think I'd miss an opportunity to witness another inane, nuanced performance that Ned and Smitty are capable of."
"Get the fuck out of here."

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 Post subject: Re: Before And After
PostPosted: Sat Nov 13, 2010 12:21 am 
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There, I cleaned it up.

The hardest part was coming up with two sets of names that fit in a Before & After question.

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