Joined: Sun Oct 17, 2004 12:26 pm Posts: 3859 Location: Jersey
I apologize in advance for writing this deeply disturbing story, but it seems that telling the story is somewhat cathartic (no pun intended) for me.
I was watching the kids on Saturday (Lisa works 2 Saturdays per month). My job on Saturday was to entertain the kids, leave them with the babysitter at 5:30 pm, and meet Lisa at a wedding reception for one of her co-workers by 6:00pm.
During the morning Julia was complaining and crying a lot; telling me that she was "making poopie." But whenever I checked her diaper there was no poop. So I gave her lots of grape juice to help her "work it out." That afternoon when she woke up from her nap, she was crying in pain and screaming, "Poopie! poopie!" I'm thinking, "Fuck! If this kid doesn't crank a duke, I'm not gonna be able to leave her with the babysitter and go to this wedding!" So I turned on a the TV to distract her and went to the medicine chest to get some stuff, then I laid her down on a towel on the floor. I figured desperate times call for desperate measures, so I stuck a glycerine suppository up her ass and waited. Rebecca stared intently waiting for Julia to bust a grumpy while I coached her on, "Come on girl! You can do it! Push it out!!!"
It was so big that it wouldn't come out. After an hour of Julia pushing and screaming in pain, I decided it was time for a different approach: liquid enima. Luckily we had a box of children's enima's in stock. So about 5 minutes after giving Julia an enima, Rebecca and I cheered as Julia screamed in pain while finally clipping a yam so big that it made me proud. Julia was happy again.
For some people this kind of thing is no big deal; some healthcare workers do this stuff for a living. But people that know me, know that I'm a squeamish guy and this event really pushed my boundaries to the limit. Anyway, I got to the reception on time and proceeded to pound a few well-deserved tangarey & tonics... and later on, Lisa gave me a "Daddy-of-the-Year" BJ.
Joined: Mon Oct 18, 2004 12:39 pm Posts: 6163 Location: PA Gender: Female
Damn you Quint.
_________________ Schlitz212: Would you even consider wearing ear plugs to PJ?
Schlitz212: What the hell is wrong with people
NuclearKev: i would sooner wear a butt plug
Joined: Sat Oct 16, 2004 10:53 pm Posts: 20537 Location: The City Of Trees
Quint wrote:
For some people this kind of thing is no big deal; some healthcare workers do this stuff for a living. But people that know me, know that I'm a squeamish guy and this event really pushed my boundaries to the limit.
It still seems like a classic Quint thread to me. Goob job.
Joined: Sun Oct 17, 2004 1:22 am Posts: 718 Location: Oklahell
Awww, you did good! And kudos to you for actually being a dad that'll do stuff like that. I've no doubt Billy'll be that kind of dad too. That poor baby. Glad she's all better now.
Joined: Sun Oct 24, 2004 6:24 pm Posts: 2675 Location: in a self-made shell
I like how almost every start you thread has usually something to do with cranking a duke. But now you've passed on the torch to your children. This is Quint's Cranking a duke threads - the next generation.
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Silky The Pimp wrote:
I wish I still had the kind of time to spend on doing something THAT pointless. If you look at the time stamps at the right, they spent over an hour doing nothing but replying to each others' posts.
Joined: Sun Oct 17, 2004 4:01 am Posts: 19477 Location: Brooklyn NY
what is up with your kids and shitting
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LittleWing sometime in July 2007 wrote:
Unfortunately, it's so elementary, and the big time investors behind the drive in the stock market aren't so stupid. This isn't the false economy of 2000.
Joined: Sun Oct 17, 2004 4:01 am Posts: 19477 Location: Brooklyn NY
SFP wrote:
At the beginning, I thought this would be a ... incestual story.
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LittleWing sometime in July 2007 wrote:
Unfortunately, it's so elementary, and the big time investors behind the drive in the stock market aren't so stupid. This isn't the false economy of 2000.
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Goob job.
And kudos to you for actually being a dad that'll do stuff like that. 
Glad she's all better now.
