i am posting this because i need someone to talk to. i dont know what to do. i was married in june. i caught my wife cheating on me emotionally. nothing physical. just flirty emails and phone calls. she is a medical student and i moved here to be with her 2 years ago. i know no friends here in this city. i have caused some distress on her because i am an alcoholic (recovering for 2 months). when i confronted her with my findings, she fell apart. i called the guy and threatened his life, and the school got involved. i know she loves me with all of her heart. she is having a hard time being a student doctor and a wife. we are now temporarily separated. she left on friday, and came back yesterday (my birthday) to get our sick dog, because i had to go to work. she grabbed some clothes, and told me she needed to be away for a while to sort out our problems. she was wearing her ring still, and was sobbing the whole time, saying she loves me so much and she doesnt want this but the school is pretty much forcing her to take time off. she brought a girlfriend with her because the dean of students told her she cant be alone with me. i would NEVER lay a finger on her. there are a million more layers to this situation. her mom just passed away from cancer, she has depression problems and she is rather lost in this world. i feel like shit. i know now that a truly broken heart causes physical pain. please be kind in your posts, i am really fragile now, i want to drink, but i cannot so i am on here to kill time until i go to work. sleep has not been an option.

if you have read this far, thanks. sorry to dump my shit in public

g2f

Well, dont drink.

And if she still wants you, its a good chance to you guys help each other.

thank you. i wont

nomoremischief
nomoremischief
nomoremischief
nomoremischief
nomoremischief
nomoremischief
nomoremischief

dude,
I really am sorry to hear that
without knowing the whole story i probably cannot give you very good advice but here is what i can tell you

DO NOT HAVE A DRINK!
you will not be any good to this woman or yourself if you fall off the wagon
with some time i am sure the relationship if it was meant to be can be fixed. Your drinking hurt her once and possibly led her to this emotional affair. If you do start drinking you will have no hope of saving the relationship
just my 2 cents

The Bridge hasn't been burnt totally down, there is time to mend it and keep it together. The key is just keep the line of communication open. You both can help each other out if you just talk and LISTEN to each other.

the whole story would take hours to explain on the phone let alone in word. we are deeply in love...still. i could have gone home to my parents house in toledo. they drove 3 hours to stay the night with me. i need to be here because i want her to come back and work it out. the nail in the coffin would be me leaving my job and not being a man. her dad and brother are so pissed off at her. they are on my side, and that really upset her. she cannot admit that what she did was serious because it wasnt anything physical, just phone and email conversations with a friend and fellow student.

I am confused how the school can force your wife to have someone with you when you see her.

first off, like everyone said, do not have a drink, no matter what. go out and run, go to the mall, do something to take your mind off of it

secondly, i hope you realise how stupid it was to threaten this guy, right? i dont think any woman would get emotionally involved with anyone with out what they would consider a good reason to seek someone out to talk to and to feel like someone who is wanted.

obviously you both have been through alot, but i have learned first hand through a very close family member how close a mother and daughter bond can be, and to all of a sudden have that taken from you can really wreck you psychologically and just how long it takes to not get over but to be able to deal with it.

by no means am i saying she was in the clear to do what she did, but obviously with her problems and your problems, she was probably looking for something outside of her comfort zone to make her feel like a new person without all the, for lack of a better word, baggage.

if you want to start to mend things, i suggest you first apologize to her, then to the guy, then to the school, and then work on you two getting comfortable enough to not talk about your marriage problems but the problems each of you are going through and how each of you can make the other feel more comfortable


but thats just my $.02

virginia tech shooting

i was just trying to scare the hell out of this guy. she wants him to leave her alone.
i did not think because i was mad. they have zero tolerance know with student safety

this is good advice, thank you

sorry dude. sounds like a rough situation but the good thing is that almost all of that can be mended right? just try to understand that what you did also hurt her (besides her hurting you) and that you need to be understanding to that. although you probably feel really screwed over, hurt and angry, like someone else said you need to just sit back and listen to what she has to say. you'll never get anywhere if you're not willing to do that.

peeps was right about apologizing to everyone. i don't think you'll get anywhere without doing that. forget about that other guy, this is between you and her. threatening him and all that won't solve anything. most guys will go after a girl even if she's already with a guy, don't take it out on him. just forget about him and solve your problem with the girl.

good luck to you. please don't drink. i've watched it destroy the lives of people in my family and its really not worth it. its just going to make you feel worse in the end.

Very sorry to hear about your situation man. Alcohol is never the answer to any problem, and certainly not this one. Definitely don't do that.
I think the fact that she is wearing her ring still is a good sign - there is always hope there. I think it's important to assess what she did, and how badly hurt you are by it. Obviously, reactions differ from person to person, but you need to make amends for threatening this guy. Like you said, there was no physical intimacy between them, so she may not have considered it "wrong" in any sense, and maybe she was just looking for a friend. You'll also need her thoughts and words on the whole situation, and I'm sure she'll want to hear your side too. Clearly you love each other judging by your reactions to everything, so the whole thing can be fixed.

It will probably take time, and she sounds like she has been through a lot, so let her make the steps she needs. You need to be there for her at this time I think. Start by apologising to this guy, and let her see that you are calm and ready to talk. Don't rush this. Good luck man

thanks invention


i appreciate all of the insight. i do know that she put up with my crap for a long time. i have apologized to her immensely. i have been nothing but honest for 2 months. the deal was, i attended AA and sorted out my stuff, she would not talk to this guy because he fell in love with her and she wanted to work it out. he kept calling her saying he was going to kill himself if she wouldnt talk to him. she has a restraining order on him. a loved one of his recently was murdered so she was offering support because she experienced a loss, it just went too far and she started having caring feelings for him. i cannot talk to her. she wants space.

True words my friend.

jesus christ

Spot on Koufax.

i know, he is the one that told the dean "i am an abusive alcoholic and he fears for her safety" which is complete bullshit. i drank a lot, but i am not that stereotype. i would jump in front of a bullet for her. he doesnt even know me. basically this fucker wants to split us up by any means. that is why she doesnt speak to him anymore as a friend. i have all the phone and email records

i am hoping he will show us the way. we are both christians

Well if you enjoy talking to yourself, anything is possible