So I'm lying in bed half asleep and my wife is next to me reading. She gets up to go to the bathroom and I feel my stomach rumble; I've had gas all night.

So I let one rip once she's in the bathroom. And it's a heavy one. The kind where you can feel the heat on the way out, you can almost sense it's presense under the covers. But here's the thing, it was silent. No way she heard. So far, she doesn't suspect a thing.

She comes back and gets in on her side of the bed. And as she gets in, she accidentally bumps my leg.
"Oh, I'm sorry," she says.
She leans in to give me a kiss on the cheek. For a second, I feel guilty for even thinking about the dutch oven. But the opportunity is here, I can't blow it.

My eyes are open, but I'm lying motionless, appearing completely harmless. As soon as her lips reach my cheek, I make my move.

In one quick motion, I pull the covers up over her head and drown her in my musk. She's struggling for an escape but I have a pretty good hold on her.

After several agonizing seconds, I let her out... and the stink. Man, it was really bad. Sort of a rotten egg/skunk/raw sewege combination. She rolls over to her side, turns her back to me, and doesn't talk to me for the rest of the night. I, on the other hand, am laughing to the point of tears.

Do I feel bad? A little bit, but it was so worth it.

Shame on you.
I'm sure I speak for all women when I say, "PAYBACK IS A BITCH."

*dutch oven her sister*

that's a good one.

I still object to the term 'Dutch' oven . If my bf would ever do this to me, he'd be dead

groetjes,
Mirella

hahahaha

i'd never do this, but man that's such a dick move/funny story

I'm still crying
great story!

My farts dissolve the sheets, so I can't do this. I just lift the covers, give 'em a little flip, and the creeping death fills the room. You can't hide from the gas chamber.

hahahaha, I love the detail.

When I do then I end up cracking up just in the anticipation. My favorite is when I let one out in the car and I am trying to hold back my laughter waiting for it to hit everyone. I absolutely love when I am driving and I use the window safety locks to trap the smell in and just listen to everyone beg for me to unlock them.

You guys should eat less sulfur-rich foods.

That's the thing though. My wife does all the cooking so she really brought it on herself.
Or, as Px suggests, I will eat her revenge tonight with whatever she decides to slip into my dinner.

turn the heater on high

I'm pretty sure farts, the sounds they make, and there odors are the funniest things man can do...and I don't have a clue why

hell sometimes when I'm alone and one really stinks or makes a great sound and it bothers me i start laughing...Farts=hilarity

if she brings home a "candy" bar, inspect it very carefully.

i dont think she wants that going on in their house either...he'll just leave the door open and maybe keep opening and closing it to waft the stank out into the main part of the house

smooth move

if i had a girlfriend i would not be mean to her