Don't be an asshole.
Don't make your problems my problems.
Put your fucking shopping cart away. Don't just leave it in that parking spot so no one can park there. There's a place for the carts right there. RIGHT FUCKING THERE. Twenty feet away. It will take you 30 goddamn seconds. What? You don't have time? You sure had time to touch and sniff all the organic Granny Smith apples when you were inside. You had time to take your 20 items into the 12 items or less (fewer) self checkout lane and feed multiple bills into the machine rather than utilize the 5 seconds it takes to swipe plastic. But pushing your cart out of the way is asking too much? You're gonna make the minimum wage high school kid come out here and clean up your slothfulness. You have violated all my rules. And I only have three.

That third one seems oddly specific.

I just a whole bottle of vodka. Is this bad?

leave things in better condition than you found them (RM excepted)

1.it is immoral to let a fool keep his money.
2.there are two kinds of people in this world, those with loaded guns, and those who dig. you dig.
3.daddy would you like some sausage?

what were we talking about?

Know the difference between 3 and 1. Hint: it's two. Two is the difference.

Yesterday, I watched another "human being" roll her cart across a lane so she could put it in a handicapped space.

Remember when dscans sat behind chud at a Red Sox game?

Do not value your individual freedoms to the point of devaluing other human beings
Do not allow laziness or casual distraction to remove you from the world's expanding knowledge
Do not pleasure yourself in the cheese dip, you fucking asshole. I only come to this fucking restaurant for the goddamn cheese dip!

be excellent to each other, and... party on dudes!

Only for an inning.

There's no proof this ever happened.

Both parties agree that it happened!

I'm just trying to distance myself from this season.

You're telling me you didn't enjoy watching Beckett give up 5 runs in the first inning?

But they came right back with 5 runs only to disappoint me later. We're getting off course, your 3 rules for human decency. Now.

1. Don't let up 5 runs in the first inning.
2. Abortions for some.
3. Miniature American flags for others.

i'm always sure to shove my carts on to embankments or in the spots BETWEEN the handicapped areas. i'm not an animal. if the thing keeps rolling or veers off from where I aimed it, thats the store's fault for having poorly weighted carts with gimped wheels.

Treat children well.
Treat women well.
Empathy is the most important human emotion and should be developed whenever possible.

1. Smile at people.
2. Do what you say you're going to do.
3. For a good time call 606-4311. Ask for Ken.