I don't really have a good answer for you raf. Between switching cities and schools and living at home for a stretch, I haven't had much of an opportunity and never met anyone that interested me. Until now.
This was very pleasant, but to say more than that wouldn't be honest. Went to bar, had drinks, had laughs. The conversation went over well enough, but by the end of the night she got tired and had the unmistakable "I'm bored" look. The night before she was up until 4 a.m. doing Ph.D. app. and grading papers, but I still think it had more to do with me than her lack of sleep. She is used to having a date who has more to say, and she probably mistook me for one because of our limited interaction in class (just limited to suggest I might not be a total dope--sadly, untrue). Then we walk toward her apartment, because I need to find a cab and live all the way on the other side of town. We finally get to her street, say our goodbyes and I continue walking.
Throughout the evening I had made much of my notorious lack of direction (literal), and she sent a text saying not to die and call if I got lost. At that point I knew the polite choice was to let her know I got back all right, so once I found a cab I did, said I had a good time and hoped she'd get some rest soon. Her response: "Ditto buddy."
Buddy? Buddy!?
It's one of the red-flag words you'd never want to hear from women in whom you're interested. Eh.
I'd like to think I am, but not skilled in the ways this girl needs. She's naturally smarter, has more formal education, and leads an interesting life full of some sincerely nice, interesting people. And she is critically engaged at all times with the world around her. I'm outclassed across the board--that isn't to say that being the smarter person in a relationship is a prerequisite for me. But when I talk to her I feel deficient and my jokes sound frivolous and I end up feeling bad for her.
I'd like to think I am, but not skilled in the ways this girl needs. She's naturally smarter, has more formal education, and leads an interesting full of some sincerely nice, interesting people. And she is critically engaged at all times with the world around her. I'm outclassed across the board--that isn't to say that being the smarter person in a relationship is a prerequisite for me. But when I talk to her I feel deficient and my jokes sound frivolous and I end up feeling bad for her.
Man, so many guys take themselves out of the game. It doesn't matter what kind of humor you have, only that you're able to make her laugh. Yes, it could very well be that your respective senses of humor don't quite jive. But don't sell yourself short.
Also, it sounds like you attached some real gravity to this date. Gotta make it light and fun, bro. Dinner and drinks can be a rough first date because it puts so much pressure on each person to be able to converse meaningfully. And if she spends 90% of her waking hours doing PhD stuff surrounded by worldy, engaged types who are probably about half as clever as they imagine themselves to be, she's likely desparate for a night of light, fun, easy laughs.
I'd like to think I am, but not skilled in the ways this girl needs. She's naturally smarter, has more formal education, and leads an interesting full of some sincerely nice, interesting people. And she is critically engaged at all times with the world around her. I'm outclassed across the board--that isn't to say that being the smarter person in a relationship is a prerequisite for me. But when I talk to her I feel deficient and my jokes sound frivolous and I end up feeling bad for her.
Man, so many guys take themselves out of the game. It doesn't matter what kind of humor you have, only that you're able to make her laugh. Yes, it could very well be that your respective senses of humor don't quite jive. But don't sell yourself short.
Also, it sounds like you attached some real gravity to this date. Gotta make it light and fun, bro. Dinner and drinks can be a rough first date because it puts so much pressure on each person to be able to converse meaningfully. And if she spends 90% of her waking hours doing PhD stuff surrounded by worldy, engaged types who are probably about half as clever as they imagine themselves to be, she's likely desparate for a night of light, fun, easy laughs.
I think you are right about keeping it fun and light. And it was exactly that, plenty of laughs, we got along well, similar in some ways, others not. It was just drinks, the bar atmosphere was really good. But I think what I was talking about was my internal experience, which may or may not have reflected what was actually going on around me. I don't know. After that text, my plan is to let her decide if she wants to go out again.
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