Really, this is just too much fun. I had to counter the other post with my own, like he suggested.

a disclaimer: Keep in mind, I am merely poking fun at the "tree huggers" in this little bit. I am sure that some of you liberals don't fit these categories. Feel free to comment, rant, call me a bible banger, whatever. Please also feel free to make up your own list of the basic subsets of white devil, corporate thieves. This is all in good fun. I'm trying to at least lighten the mood (my own anyway) from one of hate and despair to one of good-natured ribbing.

Here they are, the four basic groups:

1. The obscure band t-shirt wearing, single parent art student hipster.

They constitute the majority of the liberals out there. Usually ranging in age from 20 to 45, they tend to be exclusively disgruntled art students who think that painting an oversized plastic vagina red, white and blue, and placing it in a public forum (such as a suburban shopping mall) will draw the gaze of "valium laced" soccer moms and help break them free of their mental mind numbing agent, also known as "cleaning house"...while helping to remind them that their vagina is not only something that is free, but in order to truly live a free life, they must be able to tell anyone, especially white Christians, exactly what it means to them to have a vagina that they can do with as they please. And if that means aborting children as a form of birth control, then so be it. This is America after all, right? Let us all be free from the white devil through art and music! Spray painting public and private property is acceptable also, because we all know that art cannnot be contained in a four walled gallery forever if the message needs to reach the masses. He / she was raised in a single parent family too, that's the excuse for all of his / her problems, when he / she needs an excuse that is.

AKA - Sheen, Orion, Triss, or any other non-sense based single word moniker.

How to spot - Visit any locally owned coffee shop. Look for chuck taylor shoes and skin tight brown sweaters.


2. The overly dramatic, entitled and judgemental homosexual male.[b]

He's here, he's queer, and he's damn sure going to let you know about it. And if you don't like it, then it's his right to have you locked up in jail, sued for everything you have, and sent to homosexual sensitivty training camp so that your morals can be left at the door, and your true inner queen can come out of that closet draped in a rainbow flag while your partner in a purple Ford Ranger pickup waits outside to haul you off to the local courthouse to get let some dissenting judge to wed you in corrupt, legislative bliss filled immorality. His wardrobe consist of a 4 sizes too small izod shirt with the collar flipped up, tight $300 jeans from the Buckle and a pair of mock alligator loafers he thought were really "cruel", but devistatingly handsome (and so cheap!) that he picked up at the local thrift store. Sure there not politcally correct, but faux fashion is all the rage these days honey! His whiney, girly voice is so fake and dramatic, but he's used it for so long that he now can't get rid of it...and yes, he is entitled to free healthcare, clean needles for his step-sister Margaret, and don't you dare talk to him about morals you hypocrite. He'll be the first to rip off your head, shit down your throat, and stick morals up your ass...but only if you ask nicely sweetie! Hehehe!!! Do you pitch or catch? Uh, what do you mean you don't know what I'm talking about? Straight people are so...not with it...

AKA - A flamer

How to spot - Walks with knees pressed together, and forearms seem to move on hinges at elbow while speaking out loud.

3. The language snob who refuses to watch football or drink Bud Light.[b]

Almost exclusively male, but always accompanied and supported by an overbearing wife who's family put her through an ivy league college, which means that her shit doesn't stink, and by association, neither does his. He used to be a normal guy, but somewhere around the age of 22 or 23, she began to fully convert him to liberalism. Weak in the spine to begin with, he was an easy convert, and acts as a puppet for her malicious forays into socialized healthcare rants at dinner parties where doctors snort coke off of other wives tanned asses, and young women chuckle quietly in back rooms at the horor and dismay that some "redneck" families put themselves through by working 60 hour weeks while choosing to drive domestic cars. He sits next to you in the office at work, and really is a nice guy...until you mis-pronounce a word...and then his eyes glow red, his head spins around and he vomits green pea soup while spouting off about his wifes degree, their new Range Rover and the simplistic, narrow minded ideals of the midwest, south, and anyone who's baptist. They're Catholic, non-practicing of course, and are staunchly pro-choice, anti-gun vegans who own a poodle.

AKA - The 36 year old Range Rover driver, with accompanying gadget hands free ear phone.

How to spot - Well dressed, refined corporate snobs who take two hour martini lunches at the local hot spots on Wednesdays but secretly enjoy low budget porn in the privacy of their own home.

4. The woman who wants to know when George W. Bush is going to give her the money she's sure that the government owes her.[b]

Dropped out of high school when she was sixteen because the drugs were just beginning to be too much to handle. When she was seventeen she had her first child, and moved in with her then ex-husbands mother. Got pregnant by the father in law, and decided to keep the child. She doesn't believe in abortion, which is good, but has a hard time resisting that ugre that comes when a man wants to make sweet love to her. No man has ever really loved her anyway, so maybe this one will be the guy, and not another drunk. Now 33, five children into life, and still no job that pays over minimum wage, and a cigarette habit to support, diapers to buy, and mouths to feed...she's voting for Kerry because "the system" has failed her. She can't afford healthcare, clothes, food or a new car...and no one is willing to help her out. She's done everything right in her life, and by God, she deserves, DESERVES!!!!! to have what those rich folk have too. Unwilling to train herself to get a better job, she instead allows the left to continue to play on her irrational fear of Republicans who were all born into wealth and never had to worry about getting pregnant, because their rich daddies would just buy them an abortion anyway. Gimme, gimme, gimme...I need money for healthcare, and you rich Republicans should have to pay for it. Devils in blue suits took all the healthcare.

AKA - Fast food employee with an attitude.

How to spot - Overweight, apathetic, poor communication skills and an even worse outlook on life. Normally a smoker, and prefers to buy white bread over wheat bread, and lets the four year old eat Fruit Loops for dinner.

Damn, I'm not any of those. You have to expand the list

#5 would have something to do with females who want to be able to have abortions.

Yeah, I'm pretty much as liberal as it gets and I'm not a single one of your typical liberals. Please elaborate.

It's a joke, like the other post made about conservatives. Don't take it to heart.

I really didn't take it to heart but i expected at least one comment that would link me with your typical liberal. I'm dissapointed.

Maybe I'm not really a liberal

Don't worry...I left out quite a bit. I failed to mention enviornmental, SUV hating anarchists, college professors and numerous other liberal strongholds. You can always join me over here on the dark side...we have plenty of room for new "red-staters"! Bwah hahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yup

Yup

Well I am of the opinion that the word gay should be outlawed as a derisive or offensive term, and there's got to be some way to enforce this...


Yup.

[quote]snob who refuses to watch football[b]
Yes, but only because American sports suck donkey balls.

:chuckle:

Big name Hollywood actors who hardly pay any tax?
Snail-eating Frenchies who've never ever had a shower?

Yes. I want to be stereotyped too!

A worthy effort, but I've found it's easier to dismiss half the population of the US if you use broad, sweeping strokes... such as "White Trash", which pretty much covers a good section of the Red States.

wow, i am Extremely leftist liberal i nevery way, but i cant fit myslef in any category, i remotely fit in the first category , but iam niether an Artist or a single parent , but i do wear band t-shirts

Funny thing about lumping college profs and the academic elite into the liberal group.

Wouldn't conservatives want to be associated with the most intelligent people in the country (and possibly world)?

If you are saying that the majority of college profs are liberal, with said profs being very intelligent, I would say that says little for being conservative.

Careful when you exclude intelligent people. It ends up making your side seem a bit dim.

In other words: Not all profs are liberal. Maybe a majority, but certainly not all.

I sure wish I fell into one of those generalized categories.

I found part 2 to be a bit over-the-top offensive, borderlining on discriminatory. But I'm sure you were just kidding, right?

what's wrong with Bud light?

It's easier to play this game on conservatives because they tend to be conformists, while liberals tend to be all over the map and proud of their diversity.

It's still fun to try though.

--PunkDavid

That must be it! I still feel a little cheated though, I was hoping to play along. I'm not in any of those categories.

Really can't forget the infamous and most hated:

Massachusetts Kennedy Liberal

I'm going to make up bumper stickers and give them to all my friends

Oh would I love to hear an elaboration on this one.

all you liberals fit into these categories. you just don't realize it.

I have some requests:

Michael Kennedy: Watch out for that tree!
JFK Jr: I need flying lessons like the old man needed a hole in the head
and,
Mary Jay: How do you like DEM apples? - Teddy