http://www.sptimes.com/2006/06/19/State/Mommy__tell_my_profes.shtml

Mommy, tell my professor he's not nice!
(Over)involved baby boomer parents - and cell phones - redefine adulthood.
By Janet Zink and Shannon Colavecchio-Van Sickler, Times Staff Writer
Published June 19, 2006

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Parents of University of Florida students log on to their children's personal Gator-Link accounts to check grades, then call deans when they don't like what they see.

University of Central Florida parents call administrators to complain when their kids can't get into classes they want.

At Florida State University, parents of graduating seniors haggle with job recruiters. They want to make sure Junior gets a good salary and work schedule.

University administrators have a name for these baby boomer moms and dads who hover over their offspring's college lives.

"Helicopter parents," says Patrick Heaton, FSU's assistant dean of student affairs.

The worst of them - those who do unethical things, like write their kid's term papers - are branded "Black Hawks," a nod to the souped-up military helicopters.

"I also call them tether parents," says Heaton, who directs FSU's freshman orientation program. "It's like a leash. Students are afraid to make decisions about classes or anything without calling home."

Good luck finding a parent who admits being a helicopter, much less a Black Hawk. But across the nation, college administrators are struggling with what they say is a growing phenomenon, a product of the unique relationship between many boomer parents and their millennial-generation children.

Administrators say they know these parents mean well. But their frequent phone calls and unreasonable demands stunt student development and test the patience of college officials.

"Where parent behavior becomes a challenge for us is when they encourage dependence, and they become too involved because they are afraid their son or daughter will make a mistake," says Tom Miller, a University of South Florida dean of students.

"Our students are graduating," says Jeanna Mastrodicasa, associate dean of the UF honors college. "But they are not ready to go into the real world."


Administrators noticed the hovering problem a few years ago, when the first members of the so-called millennial generation entered college.

Millennials are the children of baby boomers, born between the early 1980s and 2000. Sociologists and higher education officials say this generation is unlike any other, thanks to the child-rearing approach of their parents and the unprecedented influence of technology.

Many boomer parents carefully planned and fiercely protected their children, according to Millennials Rising: The Next Great Generation, by Neil Howe and William Strauss.

They saw their youngsters as "special," and they sheltered them. Parents outfitted their cars with Baby on Board stickers. They insisted their children wear bicycle helmets, knee pads and elbow guards. They scheduled children's every hour with organized extracurricular activities. They led the PTA and developed best-friend-like relationships with their children, says Mastrodicasa, co-author of a book on millennials.

Today, they keep in constant touch with their offspring via e-mail and cell phones. And when their children go off to college, parents stay just as involved.

Sometimes the attention is healthy and supportive. But in some cases, administrators say, their hovering is intrusive.

"The biggest change is technology," says Robin Leach, interim dean of students at FSU. "Where students in the past might just write home, now they're on the phone with their parents all day, every day. If something goes wrong or right, parents know about it very quickly."

An online survey in March by College Parents of America, an advocacy group formed 2½ years ago for the parents of college children, found that one out of three parents communicates with their child daily two to three times a day, typically via cell phone. More than half of the 839 parent respondents said their involvement with their children is "much more" than what they experienced with their own parents during their college years.

"When I went to college in the '70s, contact with my parents was standing at a pay phone on Sunday afternoon," says James Boyle, College Parents of America president. "And there was no expectation beyond that."

Freedom High School graduate Ashton Charles, 18, will attend UF in the fall. She says her mother is supportive but "not ridiculously overprotective."

They take yoga classes together. They watch Grey's Anatomy and Desperate Housewives. They use their cell phones to chat and send text messages.

Ashton figures their close relationship will continue even when she moves to Gainesville this fall.

"I'm sure I'll call her all the time when I'm here," Ashton says.

Pensacola resident Janet Summers was in Gainesville last month for her 18-year-old daughter Christine's freshman orientation. Summers' daughter Elizabeth already graduated from UF.

Summers says Elizabeth knew students whose parents called to wake them up for class or decided their class schedules. Some parents visited so often that others figured they had moved into town.

"It was so over the top, it helped me not to be that way," Summers says. "You just handicap them by being that way."


Last month, hundreds of parents filled a ballroom on UF's campus, where two-day freshman orientation sessions are being held all summer.

They laughed when Mastrodicasa told them not to expect report cards in the mail. But she wasn't kidding.

"This is very different from high school," she said. "It is so tempting for you to do it all for them. But let them do the work. This is how they'll learn to be grownups."

Paige Crandall, associate dean of students, told parents: "I know you want to fight their battles for them. But you need to give them their space. Starting today."

A generation ago, a lot of parents didn't even attend orientation, Mastrodicasa said. They let their children attend on their own.

Today universities expect a full house of moms and dads and other guardians, and many colleges are refashioning their programs with parent-only talks that politely convey the message: "Back off, your kid's not a kid anymore."

"We talk about the value of letting go," USF's Miller said.

UF officials separate students from parents for much of the two-day orientation.

If not, "Mom will take notes and want to make decisions," Mastrodicasa says.

FSU students and parents also attend separate sessions, but that doesn't stop students from text messaging their parents for help before scheduling their first semester of classes, Heaton says.

At UCF, "we have parents who come and stay the whole first week of class, just to 'make sure they're okay,' " said spokeswoman Linda Gray, shaking her head. "They didn't use to do that."

In a recent online survey, "Helicopter Poll," by the career services provider Experience Inc., 38 percent of more than 400 college students admitted their parents participate in meetings with academic advisers.

One-quarter of the students polled think their parents are "overly involved" to the point of embarrassment or annoyance.

But Boyle, of College Parents of America, thinks concerns about helicopter parents are "overblown."

"It's better than the alternative, them not being involved at all," he says. "In every generation of parents, there are those that get too involved. I think it's a small percentage of parents who do things like try to personally intervene in a roommate dispute."

He says "smart schools" accept that parental involvement is higher with the millennial generation and respond by "catering to the parents."

"They are paying a large part of the tuition bill, and it's just good customer service," he says.

That is USF's approach, Miller said. USF, like an increasing number of universities, has a parents association. Other colleges are hiring parent "advocates."

This is the new reality, Miller said.

"When I was in college, had my parents actually called the dean, I would have been mortified. Now, it's very common."

Correspondent Stephanie Garry contributed to this report. Shannon Colavecchio-Van Sickler can be reached at svansickler@sptimes.com or 813 226-3403.

[Last modified June 19, 2006, 05:01:03]

If you need mommy to hold your hand through college and job negotiations, you're going to be an abismal failure in the work force. Although, you might strike it rich through a spuriously whiny lawsuit.

in 1990, i was a student teacher: 6th grade. the parents were AWFUL to me and the other student teachers. why? they did not want the student teachers teaching their kids.

"oh my god! if little johnny has a student teacher and does not learn enough, then he won't get into the right high school, then he won't get into the right college!"

we barely got any real teaching time, and we never got to teach math. how totally fucked up is that?

so now, 16 years later, these over coddled 6th graders are over coddled college students. they are really fucked when it comes to dealing in the real world, and it is their parents fault.



these guys, strauss and howe really know their shit. the older boomers fucked up generation x by ignoring them, and now the younger boomers have followed suit by doing the exact opposite. they are a menace.

What a bunch of gaybos. I didn't even ask my mom for money my freshman year.

I've worked in colleges for just about 4 years now and I am still astonished by the number of parent phone calls I get each day. Equally astonishing is how most of the students want or expect their parents to be overly involved.

I would have been suprised if a staff member at Ohio State would have even spoken with a parent.

I hate the notion of having to talk to a parent. My philosophy would be to have the student come into my office instead. However, if I do not talk to the parent or if I tell them that their student should really be asking the asking the questions (both things I have said), the parent immediately goes up the chain of command to get answers or complain. I then have to hear how I should listen to the parents and answer their questions (not necessarily bend over backwards to change anything though.)

I would have been pissed if my parents ever called anyone at my college. on my behalf Thankfully, they never did.

I went to HS with all of the super smart MG kids. They all went on to college, I didn't want to. And they were all normal, without hover parents.The one thing I noticed as we grew apart, was how much faster I grew up. I was out in the real world, dealing with work, bills, etc, and they were still maybe working part time and partying the rest of the time. Four years later, they were at the stage I went through at 18.

Once they hit the real world, these kids are DOOMED.

So, now that they're 25, are they still living at home?

I don't know. I don't talk to them. =p

I know the girls did until they got married, as I plan to do, actually.

Living w/ my parents isn't like living w/ most parents. I've had complete freedom since I was 17. I help w/ bills, buy most of my own food (Pretty much the only meal I don't is dinner), and toiletries, detergent, do my own laundry, etc. It's practically necessary if I want to stay in a decent neighborhood in this city. Plus, my boyfriend is very anti apartment. *shrugs*
If Brad wanted to move out of his mom's, I'd go with him.

God, I went to college from 95-99 and I only spoke to my parents once or twice a week, unless there was some kind of emergency. Anyway, I can't imagine letting them choose my classes and hover over my grades.

I think parents are so afraid that their kid might "fail" when at college. Parents don't realize that kids need to screw up to learn a lesson. Getting a "F" in a class doesn't mean you won't get a diploma, it just means you failed a class.

Going to college teaches you how to be an adult and live on your own. Having your parents with you all the time and making decisions from you doesn't teach you anything about being an adult.

I'm starting to wonder if all these "helicopter" parents are responsible for the emo outbreak. Would make sense right? If these kids were always treated like babies, they would grow into teens that act like babies.

I feel that way too many students I have run into the last 4 yrs are only worried about receiving a degree in order to get a job. Granted, most jobs require a college degree. The getting the degree seems to be only what matters; learning something about the world or about themselves does not seem to be of importance to most. Many seem to also equate earning a B or above as validating their effort in a class, not that they can comprehend a subject. For myself, I think I learned more from the classes I didn't do so hot in than the ones I got a's in. I bet this is true for others on the board.

You just solved the interweb.

I remember going to an amusement park the summer after my freshmen year. All of us were obviously staying with our parents, but we had to stay overnight to make the trip. About 10 of us, guys and girls, stayed in one hotel room. Every one of the girls had to call home and lie to their parents about where they were staying. My parents were really oppressive when I was in high school, but shit, I was an adult. I left the house that morning ... "Going to Cleveland. I'm gonna stay overnight. See you later!"

LOL, I had a similiar experience, I think I was 19.

I left my house, "by ma, going to hang out w/ Aaron."
And then called her like 5 hours later. "Won't be home for dinner, we decided to spend the night down the shore."
"Did you get a room?"
"Yeah. I'm sleeping w/ Aaron, and Bart and Mark are sleeping in the other bed."
"Who's Bart and Mark?"
"Some guys. Be home tomorrow, sometime, or never. Whatever." Click.

In return for paying for my college education, my father expected to be called to say hi every week or two. That was the extent of my mandatory supervision in college. He wanted to know my grades too, but he just asked me.

I thought I had strict parents but obviously not.

For school I was expected to phone home once a week, keep my parents updated on my grades, pass every course and maintain a B average.

In the summer I started taking off just about every weekend as soon as I turned 16 and could drive. I'd take whatever girl I was dating at the time. My parents questioned me on it once. I told them the truth, that we don't do anything camping or at the shore that we couldn't do in the basement while they were both at work. They seemed fine with that, the locks weren't changed when I got back.

Kids are suffocated these days. Shit, I wouldn't be the person I am today if my father hadn't dropped me off on the streets of Bangkok with a handgun, ten bucks and two cans of clam chowder on my tenth birthday.