Dwarf Tossing - The Rules last updated: 06/03/2008
Dwarf-tossing is outlawed in France and in several US states. A United Nations human rights committee ruled that the 'sport' is contrary to human dignity. For those not in the know, a dwarf is generally defined as an individual who is 4' 10'' tall or shorter. And there really is a British Association of Dwarf Throwers. And you really can rent-a-dwarf in the US via the website http://www.shortdwarf.com
And there's apparently also a technique for dwarf-tossing. 6' 7'' Sean Rooney is said to have been tossing his 4' 2'' twin brother for years. He says that you should grab the handles on the dwarf's back and stand sideways, with your feet shoulder-width apart. You should then swing the dwarf back as high as you can and then, in one swift motion, hurl him (or her) forward.
The longest dwarf-toss ever recorded is said to have been made by Jimmy Leonard, a UK truck driver. Jimmy is said to have tossed 4' 4'' 98lb Lenny the Giant 11 feet five inches. Reports of a 30 feet toss made in Australia remain unconfirmed.
Now, there are also rules in place for dwarf tossing, and these are designed with the safety of the dwarf in mind:
If a dwarf is to be thrown though a glass window or door, he (or she) must wear protective clothing, including a suitable mask.
Extinguishers must be provided nearby if a dwarf is being tossed through a burning hoop.
There must be at least three inches of water at the foot of any well a dwarf is being tossed down.
And if a dwarf is to be thrown across the path of an oncoming train, the organisers must ensure that the tosser has no personal grudge against the dwarf.
Finally, it's the dwarves who get the last laugh. Those who fly through the air with the greatest of ease can earn six-figure sums each year. The dwarves probably earn more than the 'tossers'.
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Firm Pays $8m Over Bachelor Party, Dwarf-Tossing & Other Infractions last updated: 06/03/2008
Fidelity Investments has agreed to pay $8m to settle US Securities and Exchange Commission charges that several of its brokers received $1.6m in gifts over a period of years from clients who were allegedly hoping to do more business with the firm. 13 current and former employees (although most of those fingered have actually now left the firm) are said to have received what could be construed as inducements from clients like free tickets for U2 concerts, the Ryder Cup, the Super Bowl and for performances of 'The Lion King' and 'The Nutcracker'.
The highlight of all these years of generosity, however, was a $160,000 2003 'bachelor' party thrown for former Fidelity star trader Thomas Bruderman (and allegedly paid for by clients, including Jefferies & Co, Lazard and SG Cowen), which was said to have featured an appearance by Madonna (not singing), female escorts, ecstasy pills and a dwarf named Danny Black, who describes himself as the Heidi Fleiss of dwarf talent'. Although Black was originally hired as a waiter, he allowed himself to be 'tossed' by guests.
For the uninitiated, 'dwarf-tossing' became popular in the 1980s, and involves throwing a dwarf dressed in a Velcro suit, usually at a Velcro-covered wall. The dwarf would normally be wearing a crash helmet and have handles on the back of his (or her) padded clothing. For those interested, dwarfs may be rented for parties and promotional events via the popular website http://www.shortdwarf.com (where size really matters). NB a dwarf is generally defined as an individual who is 4' 10'' tall or shorter.
Fidelity said in a statement that 'we do recognise the seriousness of the misconduct. The behaviour that led to these settlements is not at all indicative of the ethical standards of our company'.
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Post subject: Re: Firm pays $8mm to settle Dwarf Tossing incident
Posted: Thu Mar 06, 2008 7:43 pm
Father Bitch
Joined: Fri Oct 22, 2004 12:20 am Posts: 5198 Location: Connecticut Gender: Male
Damn, I'm only 8 inches taller than the tallest dwarf.
I don't see what 3 inches of water at the bottom of a well is gonna do for anyone thrown in it. And do they really throw them in the paths of trains? Crazy.
Yes, you can post "MM" as an abbreviation for "million". MM is a pretty standard abbreviation for Million. It comes from Latin "Mille" meaning "thousand", so MM is a "thousand thousands" which equals one million.
"MM" is widely used in the financial industry.
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First of all congratulations on your TechCrunch scoop on May 23rd about FeedBurner being bought by Google. I happen to have some information on the payout on the deal that may interest your readers. I publish an email newsletter in Chicago called The May Report, http://www.themayreport.com.
I know six facts.
Fact one: The total amount of venture invested was $10MM. Fact two: McCall and Portage put $1MM in on the first round in 2004. Fact three: The second round which included DFJ, Mobius, and Sutter Hill was for $7MM in April 2005. Fact four: Fred Wilson of Union Square Ventures says that he made a little less than 3x and that he was the last money in and that his investment was under 18 months. Fact five: Matt says that his return on the first money in (the original $1MM) was 15x. Fact six: And in a letter last Tuesday night, June 5th, Matt provided the key to the whole thing which confirms what I suspected. Matt said that Portage and DFJ participated in the second round and that their overall return on all money in was 10x.
That fact #6 provides the key because it gives us the return on the second round of $7MM which turns out to be the 5x I suspected it was.
So, here is my conclusion.
The VCs made $56MM and the founders/employees made $44MM.
Follow this logic and see if you agree with it.
– Matt puts in $1MM and gets back $15MM.
– If Portage and DFJ had a 10x return overall, that means by deduction that they put in $1MM on the second round which gives them $2MM in total and using Matt’s 10x return figure, $20MM out total.
– And that 10x overall figure from Matt also means that the return on Round 2 was 5x. That means that the other $6MM in Round 2 (not counting DFJ and Portage) resulted in $30MM out.
– And $1MM plus $7MM equals $8MM which means that Union Square and Fred Wilson put in $2MM for a total VC investment of $10MM.
– And Fred said that he got a little under 3x so that means his $2MM resulted in $6MM out.
Add it all up:
$15MM to Portage $35MM to all second round participants including DFJ, Mobius, and Sutter Hill $6MM to Union Square _______________ Total payout to the VCs for their $10MM: $56MM
If this is correct reasoning, that is pretty darn good! Don’t just figure that they made 5.6x overall. You have to factor the time into it.
The ideal of a 10x return is for 3 to 7 years. But Fred Wilson got 3x for under 18 months which means that for a five year period he would be at 10x. And the second round guys who include folks like Brad Feld got a 5x return in two years which is on track for a 7.5x return in three years and 10x in four years. That is also in line with the what the VCs strive for. And obviously, McCall and Portage can uncork the champagne with his 15x return on the first $1MM.
Post subject: Re: Firm pays $8mm to settle Dwarf Tossing incident
Posted: Thu Mar 06, 2008 8:12 pm
Former PJ Drummer
Joined: Mon Oct 18, 2004 5:51 am Posts: 17078 Location: TX
You realize that both links you posted show that you are wrong, right? MM is not the same as mm. Big difference. If you are going to use it, use it correctly. MM is used for millions, mm is millimeters.
You realize that both links you posted show that you are wrong, right? MM is not the same as mm. Big difference. If you are going to use it, use it correctly. MM is used for millions, mm is millimeters.
haha you had a problem with my capitalization? oooooooooooooook. im sorry you were confused that a firm paid 8 millimeters to settle dwarf tossing incident
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