Not so much in N&D as in real life, I have a problem. I am not trying to be humble and self-depreciative, I simply don't know an easier way to discuss this problem than in a forum of peers that do not know me personally. My problem is this, I am quite opinionated and arrogant. I unfortunately enjoy discussing issues of relevancy (politics, religion, music, etc) with people in my life. As i do this, I have been told on many occasions that I have a tone of "teaching and talking down instead of listening". I completely understand that this is a problem in communicating with people, but I am so conflicted with this. I cannot wrap my mind around the concept of believing in things i believe to be true while simultaneously listening to other sides of the story. I think that is why i consciously try to avoid news and debate. How am i to stand up for what i believe in in front of someone who believes opposite of me without coming off as close-minded. this question has such a common-sense answer to a rational, patient, tolerant person that it sounds like a joke. this is not the case with me. i struggle with this answer, and i hate that part about myself. i want to be a better person, but it doesn't just..happen.

so people, help me?

Bite your tongue, literally, for as long as you can. Works for me... sometimes.

that's the thing, though. if everyone bit their tongue, there would be no exchange of ideas, right? i am struggling with exchanging my ideas civilly with an idealogical opponent. i believe it can happen, but that takes a hell of a lot of tact, and i'm not good at it.

Takes practice I guess... or if you are seriously trying to have an exchange, just say on the outset that you aren't trying to be rude but want to debate. As long as you set the playing field in the beginning it should be OK. If all else fails just say "Everyone is entitled to their own opinions but not their own facts". Then slap them in the balls and run away.

Are you trying hard enough to understand the other person's point of view? Not necessarily their opinion, but why they might have that opinion, influences that have shaped their view. There are certain intrinsic viewpoints in everyone, but often times people's opinions are a product of their environment.
Growing up, I had a friend who was very racist. It botherd me for a while until I met his family. Racism goes generations back for him, coming from a neighborhood where many minorities commit crimes and it skewes their view. It doesn't justify their beliefs, but at least I understand now.
I work with people who live in an area where land is cheap. They see businesses and homes going up and assume it means the economy is doing fine despite what the "liberal media" tells them. I realized, this area is all these people know. They assume it is this way everywhere.
I think the first step toward's tolerating other views is just understanding how they came about to hold that viewpoint. And understanding that a lot of people are really fucking stupid.

that's good advice. and i do think i do a good job of understanding that. in the case of racism, particularly, wouldn't you agree that racism is an evil? if so, should we as fellow human beings go about changing the minds of someone whos family has grown up with bad experiences for generations? and how? maybe help them try to see the minorities viewpoint? there is a lot of work ahead. i'm so conflicted with idealism/pessimism. quite the moral juxtaposition.

fuck their sister?

olo?

i'm really trying to figure this place out...

i'm kind of the same way, and like you have been made aware of it, mostly by my girlfriend....have to sometimes remind myself that there is a difference between conversation and debate.....finding the balance between the two is key.....

me too, my friend. me too.

Yeah, my ex was the same way. We couldn't discuss anything political because I'd make it more and more serious until she would just get really pissed off.

That's why Mom always says "don't discuss religion and politics".

That's what they say about dinner conversation. Never discuss religion or politics. It sucks because that's all i want to talk about

Haha.

It was "all public conversation" to me.

In a way, she was right. It's a bad idea to start talking about these topics with a stranger. Unless i know someone is already in the same train of thought as me or is understanding to the differences between our thoughts, i just try to avoid it.

I try to just discuss something seemingly innocuous like movies and then springboard from there. By the end of the night you're arguing about capital punishment. It's great!

Oh no, I completely agree. It really can be social suicide to converse on these topics, but I just find it hard to not talk about them... they seem too important, too interesting, too tempting to push aside. It's wrong, I just can't help myself.

Hahahaha, so true.

it's tough because it seems like there is nothing really worth discussing except the world we live in and how we can make it better. or god.

i hate small talk and i really cannot understand how someone could actively avoid "important things".

I think it's not the content, but the way you bring it. Some basic respect for the people you discuss with (not 'against'), the tone, the amount of time you talk in comparison to the time you seem to listen, things like that. You can also try and let them say what you want to get accross by asking the right questions. I'm off to bed so I'll just throw two sayings in here:

'c'est le ton que fait la musique'*
and
'practice makes perfect'.

Oh, and opening your mind won't necessarily change your opinions. It will only make you better in defending them if you can see it from more than one point of view. There's nothing to be afraid of, openmindedness is good .

groetjes,
Mirella

*this could be spelled wrong

Indeed.
"C'est le ton qui fait la musique"

yes, much better

groetjes,
Mirella