Chris Webber
As strange as this sounds, C-Webb needs two more quality seasons to make the Hall of Fame. On basketballreference.com right now, his "Similar Players (career)" list includes KG, Joe Barry Carroll, Marques Johnson, James Worthy, Derrick Coleman, Glenn Robinson and Vin Baker, and his "Hall of Fame Monitor" is 134 (with anything over 135 meaning that the player has an excellent chance of becoming a likely Hall of Famer). Does that sum everything up or what? Frustrating player, frustrating career.

One catch though: The fact that he roped the Maloofs into a $122 million contract with a bum knee remains one of the great achievements in the history of sports -- something tells me both sides shook on that deal at about 4:30 a.m. in the hot tub of the "Real World" suite at the Palms, followed by everyone doing body shots off Trishelle Cannatella and Jenna Lewis. You gotta love the Maloofs. I'm convinced that I can talk them into hiring me as the new Kings GM if they read enough of these NBA columns, then I run into them in Vegas on the right night. Everyone has dreams, this is mine. Seriously, you couldn't see Joe Maloof calling Gavin on a Sunday afternoon and having this exchange:

--Joe: "You awake?"
--Gavin: "Barely. It's 12:30, why are you calling so early?"
--Joe: "You know that dude who writes for ESPN.com and cracks on Cuban all the time?"
--Gavin: "The Sports Dude?"
--Joe: "Yeah, something like that ... I think we hired him as our new GM last night."
--Gavin: "Really? [long pause] Wait, what happened last night?"
--Joe: "I don't know, dude ... right now I'm lying in a water bed with Dennis Rodman and the fat chick from 'Boy Meets World.' And I'm covered in broken glass. I'm freaked out."
--Gavin [long pause]: "Wait, who's our new GM again?"

First of all, I love when any celebrity gives himself a new nickname to change his identity. It's funny when wrestlers change gimmicks and end up with a new nickname, it's funny when Diddy changes nicknames, and it's downright hysterical when an NBA star once accused of sexual assault decides it would be a fantastic idea to embrace the identity of a 13-foot serpent..