a disclaimer: Keep in mind, I am merely poking fun at the "enlightened liberals" in this little bit. I am sure that some of you liberals don't fit these categories. Feel free to comment, rant, call me an asshole, whatever. Please also feel free to make up your own list of the basic subsets of normal people. This is all in good fun. I'm trying to at least lighten the mood (my own anyway) from one of hate and despair to one of good-natured ribbing.
Here they are, the four basic groups:
1. The God-fearing Northerner
what and where: The God-fearing Northerner lives primarily in New England and the Pacific Northwest, but with the spread of basic cable television they has branched out to most of the continental US. They have never gotten over the fact that Santa doesn’t exist and have vowed to never believe in anything again and intend to make science-damn sure their kids don’t ever have to suffer through that disappointment by banishing any mention of the Christian God from any place their kids might conceivably visit in their entire lives, ever. Ever.
how to spot: Instantly recognizable by the ridiculous lawsuits.
AKA: Richard Dawkins.
2. The Young Guy from College
What and where: The young guy from college can be found in non-corporate coffee houses everywhere. There are quite a few at the local vegan co-op right now. They are educated. They have the federally subsidized student loans to prove it! They are young-white-upper-middle-class fighting an oppressive system that only benefits their arch-enemies, the young-white-upper-middle-class. They learned all the secrets of life in last week’s sociology lecture. Luckily, they don’t vote.
how to spot: “vintage†Soviet clothing and a silver Honda.
AKA: The punk who smirks at you when you ask for a “large†instead of a “ventiâ€
3. The Victim
what and where: The Victim can be found easily when you hit the coastal cities made up of minorities and enlightened white Liberals. They make a living doing one of the following: nothing. Luckily many of their voting privileges have been revoked due to felony convictions. But you can’t blame them. Because if you have to ask why they are stuck like this, it’s your fault.
how to spot: Their kids get free lunch but have air force ones in lime green and kiwi. You couldn’t get that color if you had a personal genie.
AKA: AKA
4. The Anti-whatever
what and where: The Anti-whatever is typically either an environmental wacko , a communist party member, a terrorist appeaser, or a stoner who is pretty sure it’s still ‘67. Many of them live in rural San Francisco. The good thing about them is that they are always right and ready to assist you in agreeing with them through whatever means necessary. They define themselves through publicizing what they are against, but certainly not because it’s easier to complain than take real positive action to change the system. A fascist like you wouldn’t understand.
how to spot: Carries big sign that says something about Palestine and abortion.
AKA: Is that leather? Murderer.
That's all I could think of at this point. Hippies, feel free to categorize yourself in any other group I may have overlooked. Have a lovely day.
Joined: Sun Oct 17, 2004 4:01 am Posts: 19477 Location: Brooklyn NY
This thread would be a lot more fun if it had pictures
_________________
LittleWing sometime in July 2007 wrote:
Unfortunately, it's so elementary, and the big time investors behind the drive in the stock market aren't so stupid. This isn't the false economy of 2000.
Joined: Tue Nov 23, 2004 1:36 am Posts: 5458 Location: Left field
I particularly loath the 'the young guy from college' sect’ from the list above. They are numerous and reproducing at alarming rates in the creative writing sector of my college. The Star Bucks on Tennessee Street is filled with this type.
_________________ seen it all, not at all can't defend fucked up man take me a for a ride before we leave...
Rise. Life is in motion...
don't it make you smile? don't it make you smile? when the sun don't shine? (shine at all) don't it make you smile?
Post subject: Re: The Four Basic Subsets of Liberals
Posted: Fri Nov 10, 2006 5:06 am
Administrator
Joined: Sat Oct 16, 2004 10:51 pm Posts: 14534 Location: Mesa,AZ
broken iris wrote:
2. The Young Guy from College
What and where: The young guy from college can be found in non-corporate coffee houses everywhere. There are quite a few at the local vegan co-op right now. They are educated. They have the federally subsidized student loans to prove it! They are young-white-upper-middle-class fighting an oppressive system that only benefits their arch-enemies, the young-white-upper-middle-class. They learned all the secrets of life in last week’s sociology lecture. Luckily, they don’t vote.
how to spot: “vintage†Soviet clothing and a silver Honda.
AKA: The punk who smirks at you when you ask for a “large†instead of a “ventiâ€
These are the ones who particularly bug me, probably because I have to deal with them on a semi-daily basis. I particularly dislike their pseudo-sympathy towards those poor oppressed people who are important enough to force the rich people to give up their money for, but not important enough to actually go out of their own way for. They are also known for their demand of universal acceptance towards every human being, unless that human being has beliefs different than their own. And, like you said, they feel they are experts on all things because they got a B- in Sociology 101. Many of them are liberals because it is popular for college students to be liberal.
_________________
John Adams wrote:
In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress.
the masshole liberal, subset of the God Feaaring Northerner:
we feel special because not only was the greatest president from our state, but we still have his brother as one of our senators. we simply can't believe the rest of the country just doesn't follow our lead, because after all, we started the Revolutionary War and freed all of our asses, we are cool enough to be a commonwealth and, damn, we are just so freakin' smart.
we breed in places like cambridge, we brainwash visitors at our universities, and although we like our church and state VERY separate, we make sure to go to church to keep our bases covered.
_________________ cirlces they grow and they swallow people whole half their lives they say goodnight to wives they'll never know got a mind full of questions and a teacher in my soul and so it goes
I particularly loath the 'the young guy from college' sect’ from the list above. They are numerous and reproducing at alarming rates in the creative writing sector of my college. The Star Bucks on Tennessee Street is filled with this type.
Joined: Sun Oct 17, 2004 1:14 am Posts: 37778 Location: OmaGOD!!! Gender: Male
broken iris wrote:
jwfocker wrote:
I particularly loath the 'the young guy from college' sect’ from the list above. They are numerous and reproducing at alarming rates in the creative writing sector of my college. The Star Bucks on Tennessee Street is filled with this type.
"That ('under God') part is sort of offensive to me," student trustee Jason Bell, who proposed the ban, told Reuters. "I am an atheist and a socialist, and if you know your history, you know that 'under God' was inserted during the McCarthy era and was directly designed to destroy my ideology."
Yes, it's true, but he still sounds like a douchebag.
_________________ Unfortunately, at the Dawning of the Age of Aquarius, the Flower Children jerked off and went back to sleep.
"That ('under God') part is sort of offensive to me," student trustee Jason Bell, who proposed the ban, told Reuters. "I am an atheist and a socialist, and if you know your history, you know that 'under God' was inserted during the McCarthy era and was directly designed to destroy my ideology."
Yes, it's true, but he still sounds like a douchebag.
What a douche! "My ideology???" Friggin commie bastard. Yes, the "under God" was put in at that time. But this was when the US was in a mode of direct polarization between themselves and the Soviets. (or communists, if you like) So every difference was exaggerated, mostly for propoganda purposes. Soviets are against religion? Okie dokie, lets show that we are...otherwise we may look soft on communism.
Looks to me like Mr. Bell should move to Leningrad.....oh wait, his ideology failed there already.....
_________________ "Socialism never took root in America because the poor see themselves not as an exploited proletariat but as temporarily embarrassed millionaires." -- John Steinbeck
Not to derail my own thread further, but this was my favorite:
article wrote:
Bell said the ban largely came about because the trustees didn't want to publicly vow loyalty to the American government before their meetings. "Loyalty ought to be something the government earns through performance, not through reciting a pledge," he said.
Lets see what the government has performed for Comrade Bell:
1.) he can publically criticize the government
2.) he can publically deny God's existence
3.) he can go to a college of his choice and learn whatever he chooses
4.) he can walk down the street without getting raped or killed
5.) he can go into any profession he chooses
So what exactly does the government need to do to earn his loyalty? Wipe his ass for him?
[quote="broken iris"]
3.) he can go to a college of his choice and learn whatever he chooses
4.) he can walk down the street without getting raped or killed
quote]
As long as he doesn't choose the University of Miami.
_________________ "Socialism never took root in America because the poor see themselves not as an exploited proletariat but as temporarily embarrassed millionaires." -- John Steinbeck
Joined: Sun Oct 17, 2004 4:01 am Posts: 19477 Location: Brooklyn NY
broken iris wrote:
Not to derail my own thread further, but this was my favorite:
article wrote:
Bell said the ban largely came about because the trustees didn't want to publicly vow loyalty to the American government before their meetings. "Loyalty ought to be something the government earns through performance, not through reciting a pledge," he said.
Lets see what the government has performed for Comrade Bell:
1.) he can publically criticize the government 2.) he can publically deny God's existence 3.) he can go to a college of his choice and learn whatever he chooses 4.) he can walk down the street without getting raped or killed 5.) he can go into any profession he chooses
So what exactly does the government need to do to earn his loyalty? Wipe his ass for him?
The government or the Constitution allows all this stuff? Does being a socialist mean you are inherently against all those things and you are a hypocrite? Are you a half-wit?
If this government deserves my loyalty so they can invade and torture, count me the fuck out. And fuck the pledge, there's no better reason than denying it because of it's propaganistic origin.
_________________
LittleWing sometime in July 2007 wrote:
Unfortunately, it's so elementary, and the big time investors behind the drive in the stock market aren't so stupid. This isn't the false economy of 2000.
Joined: Mon Oct 18, 2004 2:29 pm Posts: 6217 Location: Evil Bunny Land
glorified_version wrote:
broken iris wrote:
Not to derail my own thread further, but this was my favorite:
article wrote:
Bell said the ban largely came about because the trustees didn't want to publicly vow loyalty to the American government before their meetings. "Loyalty ought to be something the government earns through performance, not through reciting a pledge," he said.
Lets see what the government has performed for Comrade Bell:
1.) he can publically criticize the government 2.) he can publically deny God's existence 3.) he can go to a college of his choice and learn whatever he chooses 4.) he can walk down the street without getting raped or killed 5.) he can go into any profession he chooses
So what exactly does the government need to do to earn his loyalty? Wipe his ass for him?
The government or the Constitution allows all this stuff? Does being a socialist mean you are inherently against all those things and you are a hypocrite? Are you a half-wit?
If this government deserves my loyalty so they can invade and torture, count me the fuck out. And fuck the pledge, there's no better reason than denying it because of it's propaganistic origin.
2. The Young Guy from College
What and where: The young guy from college can be found in non-corporate coffee houses everywhere. There are quite a few at the local vegan co-op right now. They are educated. They have the federally subsidized student loans to prove it! They are young-white-upper-middle-class fighting an oppressive system that only benefits their arch-enemies, the young-white-upper-middle-class. They learned all the secrets of life in last week’s sociology lecture. Luckily, they don’t vote.
how to spot: “vintage†Soviet clothing and a silver Honda.
AKA: The punk who smirks at you when you ask for a “large†instead of a “ventiâ€
_________________ “Some things have got to be believed to be seen.”
- Ralph Hodgson
Joined: Sat Oct 16, 2004 10:51 pm Posts: 14534 Location: Mesa,AZ
Gimme Some Skin wrote:
glorified_version wrote:
broken iris wrote:
Not to derail my own thread further, but this was my favorite:
article wrote:
Bell said the ban largely came about because the trustees didn't want to publicly vow loyalty to the American government before their meetings. "Loyalty ought to be something the government earns through performance, not through reciting a pledge," he said.
Lets see what the government has performed for Comrade Bell:
1.) he can publically criticize the government 2.) he can publically deny God's existence 3.) he can go to a college of his choice and learn whatever he chooses 4.) he can walk down the street without getting raped or killed 5.) he can go into any profession he chooses
So what exactly does the government need to do to earn his loyalty? Wipe his ass for him?
The government or the Constitution allows all this stuff? Does being a socialist mean you are inherently against all those things and you are a hypocrite? Are you a half-wit?
If this government deserves my loyalty so they can invade and torture, count me the fuck out. And fuck the pledge, there's no better reason than denying it because of it's propaganistic origin.
2. The Young Guy from College
What and where: The young guy from college can be found in non-corporate coffee houses everywhere. There are quite a few at the local vegan co-op right now. They are educated. They have the federally subsidized student loans to prove it! They are young-white-upper-middle-class fighting an oppressive system that only benefits their arch-enemies, the young-white-upper-middle-class. They learned all the secrets of life in last week’s sociology lecture. Luckily, they don’t vote.
how to spot: “vintage†Soviet clothing and a silver Honda.
AKA: The punk who smirks at you when you ask for a “large†instead of a “ventiâ€
lol pwned
_________________
John Adams wrote:
In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress.
Joined: Sun Oct 17, 2004 4:01 am Posts: 19477 Location: Brooklyn NY
lol good one!
Gimme Some Skin, you're still a tool
_________________
LittleWing sometime in July 2007 wrote:
Unfortunately, it's so elementary, and the big time investors behind the drive in the stock market aren't so stupid. This isn't the false economy of 2000.
Joined: Sat Oct 16, 2004 11:15 pm Posts: 25452 Location: Under my wing like Sanford & Son Gender: Male
Hahahaha, that was great b_i. I love the god-fearing one. These are funnier than the conservative ones to me, just because I'm around these folks a lot more often.
And admit it g_v, you got raped.
_________________ Now that god no longer exists, the desire for another world still remains.
Joined: Sun Oct 17, 2004 4:01 am Posts: 19477 Location: Brooklyn NY
Orpheus wrote:
Hahahaha, that was great b_i. I love the god-fearing one. These are funnier than the conservative ones to me, just because I'm around these folks a lot more often.
And admit it g_v, you got raped.
The only person who got raped is broken_iris who did it to himself. Maybe he had a bad college experience, but this is a guy who was partly convinced that college students were going to destroy the modern world after reading Atlas Shrugged. So clearly he has some sort of complex. The pledge was banned by angry leftist students. Scary. Scary that I happen to agree.
The list was pretty lame and not funny except for the last one which is something that is totally true and that lefty students are more likely to fit under than have their own category.
And Nate, you try too hard to please everyone. Stop kissing ass.
_________________
LittleWing sometime in July 2007 wrote:
Unfortunately, it's so elementary, and the big time investors behind the drive in the stock market aren't so stupid. This isn't the false economy of 2000.
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