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Time For A Big Ol' Cup Of 'Shut The F*** Up'

Last week, I described a nightmare scenario in which the Republicans won the midterm prompting the president, high on mandate juice, to form the Department of Shut The F*** Up, headed by a sock puppet named Secretary Fiddlesticks.

Now that the Democrats have taken back the Congress and 51+ percent of America finally has a voice in government again, I think it's time to seriously let fly. So at the risk of sounding contentious in this all-too-genuine era (several days) of bipartisanship, here now is a roll call of people who must officially shut the f*** up.

1) Republican trolls who wrap up their anonymous and incomprehensible criticisms of progressives with the phrase, "and that's why your party never wins," need to shut the f*** up.

2) The cowards who so easily disregard our liberties by shrugging off the president's illegal wiretapping; the cowards who shrug off the Military Commissions Act and the death of habeas corpus; and the cowards who shrug off torture with the phrases, "I'm not doing anything wrong, so I have nothing to worry about," or, "You can't [blank] if you're dead," ought to shut the f*** up.

3) Anyone who still believes that global warming is a myth? Shut the f*** up.

4) Rush Limbaugh must shut the f*** up. On second thought, strike that. The more we see Violet Beauregard flapping his arms and mocking Parkinson's patients, the better off the rest of the nation will be.

5) In Ann Coulter's latest column, he wondered when the Democrats would be fitting Senator-Elect Jon Tester with a "leotard." Speaking of tards, Mr. Coulter needs to shut the f*** up. And this order stands for anyone who claims Senator-Elect Tester is a "conservative Democrat." He could very well be the face of the New Progressive Democrat and one of the most genuine lawmakers elected Tuesday. Prediction: if he isn't already, Tester will quickly become a rock star in this party.

6) I think it was Bill Maher who mentioned this but it stands repeating here: neocons who have made multiple rosy predictions about Iraq need to shut the f*** up and are forthwith banned from making any more predictions.

7) Sean Hannity, Bill O'Reilly and other homophobes who use the "San Francisco Liberal" label for Speaker-Elect Pelosi must... you know. We all understand that it's right-wing code language meaning "homo-values." If that's what you mean, just say it. That is, unless you're not man enough.

If you still believe that Karl Rove is a genius, wizard, architect or anything short of overrated, you must shut the f*** up. One popular vote loss, one win, one near loss to a disorganized opponent and one outright loss means one thing and one thing only: mediocrity. Racking up this kind of record by means of dirty tricks, race-baiting and questioning the patriotism of decorated war veterans makes Rove a mediocre hack at best.

9) Ed Gillespie, the man who's just a neck with a mouth, is officially ordered for the last time to shut the f*** up.

10) The devilish wordsmiths who think it's strategic and clever to refer to the Democratic Party as the "Democrat Party" need to stop it. Shut the f*** up. The official name of the party is the Democratic Party, with the "ic" at the end. Yeah, I know. Newt Gingrich and Frank Luntz invented the idea of saying "Democrat Party" or "the Democrat leadership" or "the Democrat voters" in order to emphasize the "rat" syllable, leaving a rat-like subliminal hint in the minds of listeners. President Bush, in his so-called "conciliatory" press conference Wednesday, used this incorrect pronunciation several times.

"And while the ballots are still being counted in the Senate, it is clear the Democrat Party had a good night last night, and I congratulate them on their victories."
"This morning I spoke with Republican and Democrat leadership in the House and Senate."

"...we'll begin consultations with the Democrat leadership starting Thursday and Friday."

"...and now work with Democrat leaders in the Congress because they control the committees and they control the flow of bills."

"We got some tax cuts passed with Democrat votes."


11) And finally... Mr. President. Saying that you're going to work with Congress and compromise for the sake of the nation doesn't mean shoving your unconstitutional Terrorist Surveillance Act and your bellicose anti-U.N. U.N. ambassador through a lame duck session. So if you don't really intend to be bipartisan, then shut the f*** up. You pride yourself on letting people know exactly where you stand and, despite the fact that you routinely stand on dangerous principles, there's at least some cold comfort in knowing what you're up to. But it's clear that that President Bush is long gone -- replaced by a man who can't even be honest with his own base about things like the Iraq War, subsequently leaving his allies alone, confused and scrambling to assuage the anger of an increasingly hostile constituency. This last part? Keep it up, thank you.


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UPDATE: I've been told that Joe McCarthy was the first to use the "Democrat [sic] Party" misnomer. However, its use became much more pervasive when Gingrich and Luntz practically made it mandatory in the ranks of the GOP.

Basically, Republicans should shut the fuck up

Until things actually change, both sides should shut the f**k up.

I agree

What can one say about this election other than the Republicans lost to themselves?

Eh, I think that's a very myopic view to have on the elections, but that's just my opinion.

How about this: Don't be a bunch of cocky assholes, just save our country.

au contraire, every one for themselves for the greater good.

Gridlock in our government is a beautiful thing.

Stay the hell out of our lives and continue bickering about semantics.

Unfortunately, the one thing that Democrats and Republicans seem to agree on is that they should waste more money.

Yes, but arguing about how to do that can result in less oney spent.

Exactly. Once you cut through the bullshit, you realize, Democrat or Republican, they don't really give a shit about you and me. I can't believe political discussions get so heated with the little guys (here, for example) when just about none of them give a shit about any of us. Oh well.

And I'm going to have to agree with the poster that said something to the effect of, "don't brag, just save our asses." So true. I almost dislike the Democratic base as much as the Republican after witnessing how poor of winners the Democrats are. I'd say act like you've been there before, but I guess it has been a while. And if things don't change, I have a feeling it will be another decade or two before you get another chance. You've talked a lot of shit ,Democrats, now do something, or you too can STFU.

Usually, I'd be right there with you. Check my posting history if you don't believe me.

BUT

There is some serious sh*t that needs removed from our code of laws. I'm not just talking about the PATRIOT act. Just erase everything Bush did except the tax cuts and then stop. FOREVER.

Like whom? You mean Honey and my2hands? Who's been a poor winner so far? The author of this blog post?

I don't know if this blogger is correct in stating that the GOP uses the word "Democrat" as a pejorative, but I think the blogger better check the DNC's website...
http://www.dng.org

Note on the homepage - "Democrats take control of House and Senate."

Either the term "Democrat" has become common in reference to members of the Democratic Party or "Democratics" are self-loathing.

I believe if you're referring to members of the party and not the party as a whole it is Democrats. If you're referring to the party, it's Democratic Party. It would sound strange if we started calling it the Republic party insted of Republican all of a sudden. To be honest, I never even noticed it until this thread though.

Why did you post this again David?

i was just wondering that myself.

perhaps he's angry that no one saved him a slice of pie.

No, no, no. I'm talking about real people, not internet people.

i clearly stated that my happiness was merely for that first day. i want to see some action, now, too, but joy is something we shouldn't lose sight of. there's enough to be cranky about, as most of you skillfully attest to every fucking day.