Doctor:when need to get this man to a hospital
Flight attended:why what is it doctor?
Doctor:its a big building full of sick people but thats not important right now
Reverend Brown: I want you two to consumate that marriage with the power of the lord. The kind of power that helped Joshua fight the battle of Jericho, that helped Daniel get out the lion's den, that helped Gilligaaaaaaan get off the island!
Barber: Oh there they go! There they go! Every time I try to bring up boxin', some white boy got to pull Rocky Marciano out they ass. That's they one! That's they one! you can't talk about boxin' without a white boy screamin' out, Rocky Marciano! Rocky Marciano!
Old white customer: He beat Joe Louis' ass
Customer 2: Yep, he sure did, he whooped Joe Louis good.
Barber: Let me tell tell you something, Joe Louis was 127 years old when he fought Rocky Marciano. One time Frank Sinatra came in here and sat in this chair right here. And I said to him, 'Frank, between you and me, how old is Joe Louis?' You know what he said? 135 years old! 135 years old!
Customer 3: Man, you ain't never met no Frank Sinatra.
Barber: (pointing to each customer) Fuck you, fuck you and fuck you. Who's next?
_________________ This is what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps!
Last edited by MitchCumstein on Fri Jan 07, 2005 6:03 am, edited 2 times in total.
Joined: Sat Oct 16, 2004 10:51 pm Posts: 14534 Location: Mesa,AZ
MitchCumstein wrote:
Barber: Oh there they go! There they go! Every time I try to bring up boxin', some white boy got to pull Rocky Marciano out they ass. That's they one! That's they one! Let me tell tell you something, Joe Louis was 127 years old when he fought Rocky Marciano. One time Frank Sinatra came in here and sat in this chair right here. And I said to him, 'Frank, between you and me, how old is Joe Louis?' You know what he said? 135 years old! 135 years old!
Customer: Man you ain't never met no Frank Sinatra.
Barber: Point is, you can't talk about boxin' without a white boy screamin' out, Rocky Marciano! Rocky Marciano!
Old white customer: He beat Joe Louis' ass
Customer 3: Yep, he sure did, he whooped Joe Louis good.
Barber: (pointing to each customer) Fuck you, fuck you and fuck you. Who's next?
What movie is that?
_________________
John Adams wrote:
In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress.
Joined: Sun Oct 17, 2004 12:35 am Posts: 1311 Location: Lexington
This one is especially appropriate on RM.
Dole Office Clerk: Occupation?
Comicus: Stand up philosopher.
Dole Office Clerk: What?
Comicus: Stand up philosopher. I coalesce the vapors of human existence into a viable and meaningful comprehension.
Dole Office Clerk: Oh, a BULLSHIT artist!
_________________
punkdavid wrote:
Make sure to bring a bottle of vitriol. And wear a condom so you don't insinuate her.
Joined: Sun Oct 17, 2004 12:35 am Posts: 5981 Location: Bel-Air Gender: Male
This is from The Late Show with David Letterman...
DAVE: You're living in Los Angeles, where it's nearly essential to be able to drive.
NORM: Yeah, everything's far apart from each other --
DAVE: What do you do?
NORM: I bought myself a bicycle. And, I don't know how to drive a bicycle either, but on a bicycle, you can just go on the sidewalk, so you're the most dangerous. So, I go to the bike store. I don't know. And the guy's telling me "Hey!" They had all these bikes, and they have all this technical equipment -- mountain bike. I go, "I'm not going to be on a mountain. [Laughter.] I'm just going to be on the road. The sidewalks." So he goes uh, "what kind of bike you looking for?" So I wanted, I said, "I don't know, I think I'd like a red bike." [Laughter.] And uh, so he sells me this one, and it's very complicated now a days, you got to get a lock. And it's not like the old days just a soft one, they're hard -- these hard locks, because you always got to stay ahead of the bike thieves. So this bike lock was impossible --
DAVE: A combination kind of deal?
NORM: No, you had to go around the thing -- like twist it -- anyways. [Laughter.] It's hard to explain. I drive on my bike to get some groceries, over to Ralph's --
DAVE: You shop at Ralph's?
NORM: Oh, Ralph's is the best! Do you like apples?
DAVE: Yeah. Produce? Good produce?
NORM: Yeah man, the best apples. --
DAVE: Do they run a lot of specials at Ralph's? [Laughter.] Or do they have like the every day low prices?
NORM: No, they are everyday low prices. So I get my bicycle to the Ralph's place. And I try to get this damn lock on, and it doesn't work. I can't figure it out, or anything like that, so I figure to myself, I figure, "I'll just leave it here unlocked ... because what's the odds of my bicycle and a dirty bicycle thief showing up at the same time."
DAVE: You're not going to be in there all day.
NORM: Yeah, just like five minutes. Buy some cookies, and like, uh, an apple. [Laughter.] I get my groceries out. ... I bought a whole bunch of groceries, and my bicycle's gone!
DAVE: No!
NORM: Yeah! Some dirty bicycle thief has stolen it. You know?
DAVE: Oh my god! That's unbelievable. You have terrible luck.
NORM: It's just a happenstance that that happened.
NORM: So there's a security guy there, the Ralph's security guy. And I said to him, "Hey man, did you see somebody steal a bike?" And he said, "No, I saw somebody just get on a bike and ride away. ... Was it locked?" [Laughter.] I go, "of course it was locked." And then I realized I'm holding the lock. [Laughter.]
DAVE: It's a bad deal.
_________________ On the playground is where I spend most of my days.
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frank
