I look between the leaves,
Dig a little deeper and
I think and I dream and I think.
I think of you and your failing relationship...
I think of her and I feel bored.
Somewhere down the line you'll
See what I mean...
I think of you and the way your arse has
Moulded to the shapes, curves and bumps of the city, and
You'll probably try buying a new fucking arse
Or something...
It makes me genuinely sad.
Let your feet decorate the concrete and
Scratch through the surface –
Scratch the map of your mind and your heart
Onto these lonely, lonely streets and roads.
The streets where the chewing gum's
Convinced it's earnt it's place,
And from a distance the shatterings of glass
will tease you into thinking that
The city is glowing tonight.
Shimmering and sparkling,
They steal the light of the moon.
They pierce the light of the eye.
But over the rubble and beneath the stars
There are stories to be told.
So get dancing...
But I think of me and I get distracted by that
Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, TICK.
I get distracted by the stains on the carpet,
The mould in the shower,
The hole in the wall behind the mirror...
Tick, tick, tick!
So I Scratch away the surface,
Dig a little deeper,
Lean in a little closer,
Peel away the blinds,
Peel away the labels,
Check underneath the record collection,
Check underneath the newspapers,
Behind the bookshelf,
Behind the branches,
Over the fences,
Beneath the bridges,
Beneath the stars –
And then I hear the trees whisper:
"This is the way of the world..."
And I think about that journey...
10,000 metres high. 10,000!
And all about the size of your thumbnail:
Another city.
Inside the creases or your palms:
Another street, another road.
Each hair on your arm
One hundred thousand or some,
Poor, poor, lost people.
And don't look back around...it's the most
Disgusting thing you'll ever see -
Because no-one else fucking gets it..
And I think a little more and
Neither do I...
I look between the leaves,
Dig a little deeper, and
I think of him.
I think of her.
I think of me.
I think of the yellowing ferns,
Hanging and drooping like falling stars.
And I think a little more, and realise
It's just the tragic tale of the leaves on the trees,
The tragic way of the tides in the sea,
And somehow it links back to 'him', 'her' and 'me'.
And i think about that other journey...
Weaving in and out. In and out
On those lonely, lonely streets and roads -
And fuck i feel lonely...
And God's got a chair just like mine.
Ripped at the seams with
Everybody's name scratched all over it.
And together we listen for
The stories of the world:
It's sad. So sad,
...yet somehow beautiful?
And when it gets to 11:45pm
You'll see me
Dancing from the steps of
The bus, all the way home.
Under the moon of the night
You'll see my cold breath:
Bopping.
Bouncing.
Watch: Watch how it
Kisses those lifeless trees,
Then, bounces back...
Kisses me dryly...
And, in one dusty click of
My fingers, I'll be
Dancing all over my carpet,
Dancing inside the shower, and I'll
Look into the mirror, and:
"Hey! I'm doing okay."
Phewww.
So, thank goodness for the leaves on the trees,
Thank goodness for tides in the sea,
Because, in a mixed up, muddled up
Round about sort of way,
It kinda all makes sense. (...ish).
I once had the notion
That, shit poetry aside:
'A 30 minute bus ride will tell you
Everything you'll need to know about the world.'
Ha.
It's sad,
It's beautiful, and:
It's probably true.

Wow, those are some juggernaut lines. I really liked it. Personally, I'dlike it a ton more if you ended it at "Everything you'll need to know about the world". Coming to those realizations afterward, that its sad and beautiful and true, i think letting the reader come to those conclusions makes it much stronger. Just my humble opinion though, . I need to give this one a few more reads, there is so much going on in it and I haven't slept in two days.

Thanks a bunch for that piece of advice, i think you're probably right...it's probably the most important line of the piece, really. I'll think a little more about it and get round to changing it tomorrow probably Thanks...

The whole thing was pretty much spontaneous (i've been picking at it bit by bit throughout the last week), so it is loose and scrappy, but i intended it to be like that..i wanted to play with the notion that it is difficult to grasp what's going on, the reasons why etc..so, in a way, the pace and flow of the piece and it's looseness all reflect the way the mind thinks these thigns through - finally coming to a realisation of sorts.

Anyway, that's enough self analysis ha, cheers for reading it though - i've only just realised how long it actually is

this one is quite phenomal.

one of the best endings i've ever read.

Thanks!

Though, with consideration to what jcurley said, i'm completely confused as to how i should end this now Ha, well i'll leave it be for now.

man... really, you got me into tears with that one. it's amazing and a tad scary that you, so young, can just tear up my very soul and dig deep to unveil my darkest secrets... man, i feel naked right now. there's no other explanation, you are very ancient soul.

*shakes head and sighs*

edit: ok, favorite lines:

"And from a distance the shatterings of glass
will tease you into thinking that
The city is glowing tonight.
Shimmering and sparkling,
They steal the light of the moon.
They pierce the light of the eye."


"But I think of me and I get distracted by that
Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, TICK.
I get distracted by the stains on the carpet,
The mould in the shower,
The hole in the wall behind the mirror...
Tick, tick, tick!
So I Scratch away the surface,
Dig a little deeper,
Lean in a little closer,
Peel away the blinds,
Peel away the labels,
Check underneath the record collection,
Check underneath the newspapers,
Behind the bookshelf,
Behind the branches,
Over the fences,
Beneath the bridges,
Beneath the stars –
And then I hear the trees whisper:
'This is the way of the world...'"



"And I think a little more, and realise
It's just the tragic tale of the leaves on the trees,
The tragic way of the tides in the sea"


"Dancing from the steps of
The bus, all the way home.
Under the moon of the night
You'll see my cold breath:
Bopping.
Bouncing.
Watch: Watch how it
Kisses those lifeless trees,
Then, bounces back...
Kisses me dryly...
And, in one dusty click of
My fingers, I'll be
Dancing all over my carpet,
Dancing inside the shower, and I'll
Look into the mirror, and:
"Hey! I'm doing okay."
Phewww.
So, thank goodness for the leaves on the trees,
Thank goodness for tides in the sea,
Because, in a mixed up, muddled up
Round about sort of way,
It kinda all makes sense. (...ish)." (best line ever)

eeee! Thanks..i'm really grateful that you took the time to read this and that it moved you - It's responses like these that encourage me to keep writing and sharing (aww)

holy fuck


.

Stop and you will have to answer to me. You don't want to answer to me. So get writing you git!

.

that's stunning. i love the tone and the pace, and the imagery you've used is just mindboggling. i love the way some of these images just leap off the page, the way you've interspersed them between lines of almost-conversation, they really jump out and smack you around the head a bit, it's wonderful! i haven't enjoyed poetry as much as that in a very long time. thank you so much for sharing.

Have you read his other stuff?

!!!!

.

i...think so... umm... 'shake shake shake' ??? was that yours iceage???

Thanks skunkthecat..that's a huge compliment. =o)

And yes, 'Shake shake shake' was the first thing i posted on this forum (about a couple of months ago..ish). I think the other ones i've posted here are: 'In Faithful Cycle' and 'The Flash of an Eyelid'...After looking over them again, there are bits in all that are a bit cack and probably need changing...but i'm too lazy to edit them so they'll have to do. To shamefully excuse/justify myself, i'll steal the quote i used in the other thread: 'a piece of art is never finished, it simply stops in interesting places' =o)

Wise words. Move on. You'd play with it forever if you didn't.

Risking redundancy, your work is wonderful. It stands up to multiple readings. I love everything about it.

.

How is that shameful??? The alternative is to spend your life tinkering with old pieces, rather than producing new ones, THAT would be shameful.

Now KEEP WRITING!!!

again! absolutely amazing! If I might say...in this one, you take the reader along with you as if a shadow following you throughout an average day in your life. Thoughts-wise.


This was a great read. Glad I found it.