ok this is my first post here, it's old lyrics i can't put to music, any suggestions about the lyrics or structure??


Behind the ball of 8, i'm bent and not straight. It gets dangerous in here and my head snaps back with ill surprise. Her inner child is shreaking to be heard, unfocused and lost looking for the beginning of a cycle.

Love and hate are shades of grey, being both lost and crowded. Shallow graves with one foot in, no one everyone, mortal sin. Off kilter and uncentred her skin crawls and tears snagged on yesterday.

Broken homes, sticks and bones float gracefully like lead weight. Don't talk, don't speak because they are sorry but not sorry enough. Purge yourself but not the guilty spiral and hope they catch you.

The pieces fall away and i am naked, don't make me be naked for you.

It needs a chorus.

yeah I'm not sure where to go with a chorus, I was going for one of those running monologue songs like Something For Kate style, prob layered harmonies might be the go. Have done alot of repetition before so am trying to move away from that.

I don't think it needs a chorus, I can't really see a structure to the lyrics so its hard to build music around it.

yeah i know what you mean but the chick i write songs with has this awful habit of rhyming and spoonfeeding what she is saying and i have written alot more for the band now and i want her to embrace a lack of structure.

I see what you are saying but it doesnt need to be unstructured for the sake of being unstructured, you can have a song with a bit of both. I tend to write the music first then layer my thoughts on top of it.

are you saying i'm backwards... again

well, it's not really that you're backwards, the songwriting process varies depending on the person, i usually write the lyrics, bits and parts, sometimes, then the music comes later, or it's just the other way around.

the thing is, i really couldn't see a song there. though the images are strong, i don't quite undrstand the message you're trying to convey. who are you talking about, yourself, "her", "them", someone, everyone else? even when the pace or focus change in a song, it seems there has to be a starting point, or the message is lost. and that's true even when there's no message at all, when you're just puking the words, so to speak.

maybe a chorus would link the different, scattered ideas. sorry, i would be pissed if anybody talked like that about one of the songs i write. actually it happened once, but i swallowed the shit and eventually added a chorus, which ended up being the spinal chord of the song. anyways, good luck!

1 nad short,

I didn't realize these were songs... I edited "A whore is where her heart is" as if it were poetry or prose... I don't want to screw you up... I know shit about writing songs...

tis ok buddy, that one was a poem and I appreciate the input

i thought you were asking peeps for help....

i got nothing man, nothing