http://www.sirjonthegreat.com/pages/pj.html

TOP TEN REASONS WHY I HATE PEARL JAM

(What? Only ten?)
#10. THEIR NAME IS PEARL JAM

What kind of stupid name is that? Pearl Jam? Come on! Even a no-talent loser like Eddie Vedder could have come up with something better than that. Wait, sorry, that's giving him too much credit.
#9. THIS STUPID GUY(LOGO)

Yeah, this thing. Actually, no, I retract my statement. I actually love this logo because it's a perfect symbol for Pearl Jam. It's nothing but a poorly put together piece of crap that people think is wonderful for some strange reason. You know, kind of like Pearl Jam's music.
#8. CRAP-TASTIC WEB SITE

Five seconds into viewing this web page and my ears started bleeding. Why? Because Eddie Vedder is in the background moaning. Plus it's lacking basic design and structure.
#7 HMMM....IS THIS "ALIVE" OR "JEREMY"?

Who knows? All their songs sound the same. Don't believe me? Play the song Alive, then play Jeremy. Notice a similarity? Now go play Black, then go play that other song...that sounds like Black. I can't think of what it's called and frankly I don't care enough to look it up. I know you know what song I'm talking about. It's no wonder these guys sell so many albums. You're basically buying the same album over and over. Well, with the exception of Binaural. No one knows what they were doing on that album.
#6 JEREMY'S SPOKEN....NOBODY CARES!

It seems to me that every time something tragic happens, Eddie Vedder is there with his guitar ready to write another hit based on someone's misery. Why hasn't he written a song about my misery? He could call it, "I Can't Believe That Jerk Eddie Vedder Makes More Money Than Me." It'd be a chart topping hit because so many people out there could relate to it. Maybe he should spend less time pretending to be sympathetic, and spend more time trying not to be a stupid hippie.
#5 EVERYTHING THEY DO IS FOR THE FANS

Oh really? I guess the fans love not being able to ever see a Pearl Jam music video on MTV. And I bet the fans love not being able to easily order concert tickets through Ticketmaster. For the fans? Maybe, as long as it doesn't interfere with Eddie Vedders political views or grudges. Oh wait a second...didn't a music video for Do The Evolution air on MTV after they decided to boycott MTV? And wait...wait...ah, look at that. Pearl Jam tickets are now on sale at Ticketmaster. Wow. Look at that. Can you say hypocrite?
#4 I AM MINE

Just when you thought Pearl Jam was gone for good, here comes Riot Act. When I heard the news that Pearl Jam was no longer going to tour or make any new albums, I was thrilled. I should have known better. Sure enough, September 11th happened and Eddie Vedder was there to save the day. Musically of course. I didn't hear the song but I can only imagine it had something to do with us hating and crap like that. So it was inevitable that Pearl Jam would piece together a new album. Sure enough, out comes Riot Act; chock full of half-assed written songs and Eddie Vedder mumbling. Their first hit off the album was I AM MINE. Just when I thought Pearl Jam couldn't do any worse, this song airs and proves me wrong. A question came to my mind: "Are they even trying anymore?". Don't get me wrong, I thought they stopped trying after their first album.
#3 THE CONCERT CD'S

The biggest scam to hit the music industry since artists started doing solo projects. Pearl Jam recorded(or did they) every concert they played on their last tour. Then they released them all on CD's. What makes me sick, is that people actually bought several different copies! Why? They're the same damn songs! Then the fans say something about Pearl Jam being so great because all the CD's were cheap. What?! The CD's were cheap because A) it only costs a dollar to make a CD and B) the packaging consisted of a gray paper sleeve with the concert and dated printed on it. So, the CD may have only cost you $14 to buy(which is no bargain), but it probably only cost $8 to make. Only a $6 profit? What a generous band. It's all for the fans!
#2 Mmmph..mumble...hhh..ahh..furgle...miff....WHAT?!

Do you know why Pearl Jam always includes their lyrics with their CD's? No, it's not because their songs all have deep meanings. It's because no one can understand a damn word Eddie Vedder is saying! Seriously! What's his deal? He can talk fine. We all know this from listening to him mouth off about how horrible everyone is for not saving the trees! Why can't he transfer his enunciation to his music? One of the funniest things I ever heard was on a Pearl Jam Live Concert CD. He says to the audience: "I want you to listen closely to this next song because it has a deep meaning to me." or some crap like that. Then the music starts and he begins mumbling again! What is that?! I'm starting to wonder if maybe you get a special Eddie Vedder Decoder Pen when you sign up for the fan club. That way only club members can understand the messages he's trying to get across. I wouldn't put it past him.
....and the NUMBER 1 reason I hate Pearl Jam is......(drum roll).....
#1 EDDIE VEDDER

(Look, kids! The ape is going to try and sing for us!)

How do I say this nicely? I CAN'T STAND EDDIE VEDDER! Eddie Vedder makes Justin Timberlake look like a prince. This guy is the biggest fake ever to hit the music industry. I hate him. He parades around like he's somehow above everything. Oh, look at Eddie Vedder. He's so great because he gives to charity! Who cares? I don't see him spending anytime in the soup kitchens! Anyone can just donate money, especially someone who makes as much as he does. To him it's no big deal. That's why I can't stand to see people(fans) praising this guy! He's nothing! He can't even carry a tune! But he's the lead singer of a band with a stupid name! And people love him! And support him! WHY?! Ahhhhh!!!!! He puts down people who aren't part of the Green party. He talks about how horrible people are because they don't give as much to charity as he thinks they should! He constantly boycotts things because he's a whiny little sissy that has to have everything his way! STUPID HIPPIE! What a swell guy.



I'm sure I'll be hearing from tons of Pearl Jam fans about this one:

Well i'm not one to jump on someone because they hate PJ but this thing is poorly written, mostly inaccurate and not funny at all
If you want to write an entire page about something you should probably make sure you know what the fuck you're talking about otherwise it's just pathetic

Makes for a good sunday read

haha wel at least he knows that have other albums than ten.. gotta give him credit for that.

that was fucking great!
it was obviously a joke and if not that makes it even more funny!
sounds like it was written by a child right after riot act came out...it was classic when he said his ears started bleeding when he went to the website and eddie started moaning (arc)
either he doesnt get it or he does and was just having fun...either way definitely good for a laugh on a sunday morning...

ps-ive been a member of the ten club since 98' (shit thats almost 10 yrs god im old:-) and i never got a damn decoder pen!!
wtf im emailing TC right now...how different my life would've been if only i knew what ed was saying all these years

I agree that this was fucking rad, funny as fuck.

I wish more Pearl Jam fans had a sense of humour about the band; pretty much everything this dude says is dead-on...but I love 'em anyway!

We've seen this posted before, haven't we?

So you guys actually found this funny ?

At least twice.

yeah why not?
who the hell gets that upset about not liking a band?
is silly

No, and not because the guy doesn't like Pearl Jam. His attempts at sarcasm are unintelligent and predictable, and he really didn't enforce any of his arguments with logic. Even some toilet humor would have helped his cause.

My thoughts exactly.

it reminded me of a bad maddox/your band sucks rant. In the same style, but without the talent to make it work

You people are missing the subtlety of his humor. He called I Am Mine "the first hit" off of Riot Act.

I think it's a joke. No one who hates a band actually knows that much of it.

Old but funny.

Yeah, exactly!

I don't think your man-on-the-street PJ fan even KNOWS they released an album titled Binaural, let alone has any idea how it sounds.

Actually i don't think he knows anything more than what can be found within 10 minutes of research, rollingstone.com etc. I might have found this funnier if it had been indeed well informed.

How old IS that posting?