So, we were all sitting in the office trying to figure out this impossible math problem today, when, after about an hour of offering ideas and scurrying and tossing wads of paper, my friend Rich walks in and proposes one Hell of a solution.

We asked him how he thought of it, and he said he had just done it on his way to the study group, while he was in the bathroom taking a shit and staring at the textbook. Then he told us there was a turd on the floor in the bathroom and that someone had actually walked through it, and all of us, being the late-20 males that we are, abandoned the rest of our proof writing to go see.

We walked in the bathroom and immediately noticed mud-colored shoe prints heading out the door and to Lord knows what office. Rich opened up the stall of doom, showing that there was in fact a massive duke, laying there serenely like a California sunbather, right there in front of the shitter, with a big footprint in the middle that left it mashed apart like a freshly sliced Italian sausage.

Anyhow, we left, giggling like little girls, when we passed by the computer room and spotted a student laid out on the table waiting for the next recitation with his legs stuck out, and, inevitably, what looked like a broken-up patch of fresh mud on one of them. He was white, had an afro, and was reading some gaming magazine.

This is the strangest life I've ever lived.

The real moral question that's been floating in my head is, should I have told him it wasn't mud on his shoes?

math is dangerous

Yeah, we all kind of wondered behind Rich's back whether he was wondering too much about the problem and sort of missed the toilet. By like, five feet.

if you told him, he would get all embarrassed knowing that someone knows he had stepped in shit. By not telling him, he finds out for himself that he stepped in something and not really know if anyone saw him. If he thinks its mud, good for him; ignorance is bliss.

that's a great story

This is why I didn't major in math as a college student. You're all full of shit.

if they are depositing it on the floor, then they arent full all the time, are they?

And it's times like that when they aren't productive at all.