am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat 400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

But I have not yet gone to college.


What do you guys think?

you didn't write this.

way to ruin it on the first post

:mowbs:

why do you want to go to college anyway? I didn't go to college and look at me, I'm kickass.

ru drunk?

you forget to write about your huge cock

it's true...like it says in my essay...i woo women with my godlike tromBONEr

Apparently Pete is trying to pick up the slack since it appears we have lost our pal Jammer again.

pete = jammer

If I were Pete, I would feel genuinely insulted.

there has never in the life of the internet been a truer statement

This is plagiarism and I'm notifying the proper parties, Pete.

Seriously. All posts in RM are supposed to use Chicago Style footnotes.

It reminds me of that weird "most interesting person in the world" Dos XXs radio campaign.

And I didn't go to college either. I'm doin okay. I make decent money (now that I'm re-employed! lol), got me some kickass life experience and I pretty much rock faces wherever I go. I grew up a lot faster than my college going friends. I think it really hinders your maturity a lot, actually. And I went through high school as part of the MGP crew, so these weren't exactly the girls gone wild kinda girls I'm talking about here. LOL.

Just do what's best for you.

Bart is a man who understands all the rules of the .

I certainly don't think college is for everyone, but it sure is a lot of fun.