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The Girl Sports Fan: An In-Depth Study


We've all seen them. Wearing a pink baseball cap. Wearing a jersey of a guy who she thinks is "cute." Telling someone that their team "is stupid."

It's the Girl Sports Fan. Not to be confused with a girl who is a sports fan. In order to help differentiate between the two and avoid confusion, the latter can tell you who played second base on their favorite team 10 years ago, while GSF only roots for the team because the uniforms are pretty.

The phenomenon of the GSF is one that has always amazed me. We've all dated them, seen them, heard them, and been absolutely annoyed and confused by them. But has anyone actually questioned them? Where they come from? Has anyone actually taken the time to break down the anatomy of the GSF? And by anatomy, I don't mean how big her tits are.

Well, I've got nothing better to do. As with anything I write, I'm not really sure where this is going to lead, so let's start off by first defining the GSF.

Girl Sports Fan (GSF) -- The GSF can be defined as a person with a vagina who roots for a certain sports team, but isn't actually a fan of the sports team. The GSF really has no knowledge about the team they root for, either. The GSF, however, is super-annoying about her love for the team. The GSF's love for the team can be based on a host of reasons that true sports fans consider silly. They are:

My boyfriend roots for the team
Their uniforms are pretty
The team's best player is hot
It's just the cool thing to do
Those four obviously do not encompass all the reasons why the GSF roots for the team. There can be many other nonsensical reasons that only a woman could come up with for deciding to suddenly become a fan of a sports team after an extended period on Earf having not rooted for this particular sports team.

However, you can be a girl sports fan and not a Girl Sports Fan even if you meet any or all of the above criteria. The difference being you have full knowledge that you are not really a fan and that you are just sort of there to have fun and watch the game with friends.

The GSF is quite the interesting anomaly. Going back over the history of time, no other creature has ever decided to invest so deeply into something they didn't care about. Either someone liked something or they didn't. There was never the forced liking. That's where scenario 1, "My boyfriend roots for the team," comes into play. It's the modern day arranged marriage.

Before we delve into scenario 1 of the GSF, let us first look at the flip side of this.

We as men most certainly take part in things with girls that we hate, but we do it in order to gain common interests with the female. We try to find out what they like and take part in it as well. Frankly, we do it to get laid. Which makes the GSF even more perplexing, because they don't have to "do" anything in order to get laid. A girl can dip our face into the french fry vat at McDonald's, but if she's hot enough, we'd have sex with her immediately after being discharged from the burn unit.

But sure, we do stuff with girls we don't like. It could be anything. A TV show (The Bachelor, Sex and the City, Bridezillas), a movie (How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days, Pretty Woman, Love Affair) or any other thing that most women enjoy doing that most men don't. Like peeing while sitting down. Men regularly take part in these things even though they don't like it.

However, when it comes to the GSF's love of a sports team for the sole reason that a boyfriend/husband is also into it is different. If for instance, the game is being watched in a group situation, the GSF likes to show everyone in the room just how much, or in reality, little, they know about what's going on.



GSFs like to point out how "stupid" players are in certain situations when the players aren't "stupid." A big selling point for the GSF in this scenario is when she yells at a fan of the opposing team. This would be the equivalent of the guy doing the same exact thing while watching American Idol. He's not all that into it and doesn't realize what's going on, yet yells at people because he really wants people to know that he thinks Sanjaya is the bomb and you disagree.

For example, a girl once told me repeatedly that I wasn't really a White Sox fan because I wasn't from Chicago, despite the fact I suffered through seasons which featured the likes of Todd Ritchie, Jaime Navarro, Ron Karkovice and Dan Pasqua.

I wasn't sure at this point if this girl was a GSF. She seemed to know a lot about the Bulls, but something about her Cubs fandom seemed a bit off. She confessed that she only got into the Cubs a few years ago because a guy friend was into them. When she didn't have the answer to who the Cubs current shortstop was and what the Cubs did the night before, I realized that I was dealing with a GSF.

Scenario 2, "Their uniforms are pretty," is a sign that you are dealing with a pretty bad GSF. Very rarely will you come across a GSF who has made that her reason for liking a sports team and is readily willing to admit it. To put it more accurately, scenario 2 is more of an indicator that the girl is a GSF, not a reason why she became a GSF.

For instance, if you're at a sports bar watching a Packers-Giants game, and a girl says she's rooting against the Packers, you might want to assume that she's doing so because she likes the Giants. Or because her boyfriend likes the Giants. Or heck, maybe you want to take a dip into the deep end of the Fantasyland pool and assume it's because she's got money riding on Eli Manning. Which makes you a bad sports fan no matter your sex.

However, when she remarks that the green and yellow Packers uniforms are ugly, you know right away what you're dealing with. Even worse, if she points out that unis are "stupid," you should just finish your drink and walk away. Because the GSF will soon be yelling and screaming at Giants fans, and remember, it's only because the Packers' uniforms are stupid, and no guy should ever get his ass beat over sports fashion.

And that's a big indicator of the GSF -- if you hear a girl say "stupid" regarding anything in sports other than the look on Eli Manning's face at all times, you're dealing with a GSF and you shouldn't take her seriously.

Scenario 3 could be the most frustrating. "The team's best player is hot," is sort of tricky. Sure, many girls give away their GSF status by pointing out how great Derek Jeter's ass is, but does that alone make a girl a GSF? I don't think so.

For instance, how many of us guys have stopped to watch Jennie Finch in her tight Arizona softball uniform? Of course you have. She's bent over, the camera is right there, we can't help it. However, the obvious difference here is none of us consider ourselves Arizona fans, and if you told us Jennie Finch sucked ass and drowned kittens and Arizona was a terrible softball team, we wouldn't care. We'd readily admit we couldn't name anyone else on that team.

This is where the GSF is revealed. After she points out how sexy Jeter's eyes are, ask her what she thinks about the Yankees' first base situation. If she can't tell you who Miguel Cairo is, and if after you point him out she calls him, "tubby and gross," then you've got the GSF.

Finally, "It's just the cool thing to do," scenario 4, is probably a more regionalized form of the GSF. For instance, if you were to walk around Kansas City, no one is a Royals fan unless they are a Royals fan. Yes, you can have GSFs caused by the first three scenarios, but no one is a Royals fan because they are super successful and fun to watch.

I can only speak from experience, but Yankees fans are rampant with GSFs who fall under this scenario. The only problem is you can't really figure them out unless you truly get to know them, and who wants to get to know a Yankees fan? The Inquisitor and Jerry are enough for me. And now that I think about it, Jerry is kind of a GSF. He has no clue who Miguel Cairo is.

But yes, scenario 4 is the lowest of low GSF. Symptoms of this version include owning a lot of the team's gear, wearing it from head-to-toe to all games, going over-the-top crazy on all positive plays so she can feel like she fits in, and showing a general indifferent attitude about the team when it's losing. She may possess a large amount of knowledge about the team, but it's only been gathered in an effort to be apart of the crowd.

The all-encompassing part of the GSF? Obnxiousness. Sure, regular sports fans can be obnoxious, but the GSF is worse because they aren't being naturally obnoxious in a pseudo-defense of the team they love, but are just mimicking the obnoxiousness people who are true sports fans and/or just don't know any better. Red Sox GSFs are known to yell "Yankees suck" at Yankees fans after the Yankees have just laid a 10-run beating on the Sawx. And that only gets her boyfriend beat up.



Then again, if you wear a sports coat over a hooded Red Sox sweatshirt, you deserve to get your ass beat.

The biggest question for me about the GSF is why? Why do you exist? Where do you come from? At its root, much like with any human, is the desire to fit in. But it's more than that. As I've already stated, there is no other species on Earf that decides to start rooting for a team after many, many years of being oblivious to a team.

Is the life of a GSF so empty that they have decided to root for a team to meet people? To make someone happy? To make a guy happy? I'm not speaking for all guys, but I would rather my girlfriend be honest and tell me she could give four shits about why Darin Erstad is hitting leadoff for the White Sox and Brian Anderson is languishing in the minors after one bad rookie season.

Tell me to turn it off, or tell me to pay attention a little less and take you dancing. How throwing yourself into something that requires such a big investment as being a fan of team ever becomes an option will always baffle me beyond all belief. Fellas, wouldn't you rather watch your team in silence as opposed to having to constantly answer questions such as, "Why are they called bases?"

I keep trying to find the male equivalent to this, but I can't. There's no predominantly female interest that I can think of that would require me to suddenly love it. Or pretend to love it. Or force me to love it.

Let's say my girlfriend is super into Meryl Streep movies. She wants me to watch them with her, go to Meryl Streep film festivals, and go to any appearance Streep might be making within a 100-mile radius.

Would I go with her to those things? Absolutely. Would I be happy about it? No, but since it makes her happy and she loves to do it, I would suck it up and try to talk her into watching Defending Your Life as much as possible.

But if someone told me Meryl Streep sucks and that her performance in The Devil Wears Prada was overrated, would I flip out? Would I defend Meryl Streep vehemently? Would I ask you who your favorite actress was and immediately tell you that she's stupid and sucks? Would I run out and buy Meryl Streep movies to watch on my own?

Absolutely not.

And you know why? Because I don't really care about Meryl Streep. I'm not a real fan, I'm just along for the ride with my girlfriend.

Yet the GSF doesn't operate this way, and I just don't get why.

And then just like that, it hit me all at once.

Guys, what's your dream girl? Smoking hot, funny, smart, and totally into sports. Girls know this, too. Girls know how cool we think it is when a girl is a genuine sports fan. It bumps them up like three notches. So what do they do if they're not sports fans? They fake it. And who hates fake people? Me and every teen-age girl with a MySpace profile. Fake people suck!

But that has to be the root of the GSF.

But as guys, we realize this is just a dream. Most girls aren't into sports. But in the long run, you're better off just being honest with us. Because we can tell when you're faking it. That's right, we can tell when you're faking it. Yes, even the gasms. But you faking your gasms doesn't ruin our sexual experience. You faking being into sports, however, totally ruins our sports experience and the experience of everyone around us.

And remember -- if you are a girl who likes sports (and especially if you like sports to the point where you operate a blog that is based on sports) you aren't necessarily a GSF. I know plenty of girls who like sports teams and they genuinely like the team and have been a fan forever. But the truth is you could be a GSF and not know it. And knowing is half the battle.

Great article, PD.

While on the topic, I'd also like to point out the phenomenon of female sports announcers. My local talk radio station pointed this out the other day (one of the two hosts being female). Their claim is that in order to make it as a female sports announcer, you have to be relatively pretty, lots of makeup, big hair, etc., while the the male sports announcers remain being 60 y/o fat guys.
I think Suzy Kolber is excellent and truly has vast NFL knowledge. However, I sometimes feel as if she's reading off a cue card. The same thing goes with Shana Hiatt hosting the WPT. Al Michaels, James Brown, Terry Bradshaw, and Shannon Sharpe are examples of killer sports announcers who hit you in the face with the latest sports updates and previews. We have yet to find a female equivalent of that.

I thought you'd like that one, Sunny.

my friend's dad used to run a bar that banned females for many years. I remember thinking that was pretty dumb, but the more I think about it...a sports bar free of GSF's is a pretty good idea.

I'm a girl & I'm a sports fan. I couldn't even finish reading this. Girl Sports Fan turns my stomach. She reminds me of Al Franken. Sure you may share some of the same basic ideology, but she does such a horrible job of expressing her opinion you simple don't want her on your side. She gives you a bad name & makes you ashamed to have her in your court.

I grew up in a rabid sports-based home. Everyone played sports, everyone loved sports. I was the only 5 year old in my class, male or female, who could recite the Dodgers starting lineup. I know the feeling of waking up w/ a stomach ache b/c my team has a big game tonight. I know the feeling of blocking out all news reports b/c my team suffered a humiliating defeat. I know the level of unconditional love you can have for one team, and the almost scary driving power of hatred towards another. I wish I didn't care about sports so much but it was the life I was born into, so what can I do but embrace it now?

Oh...and let me add that any guy I date, because of my upbringing, is one lucky bastard. If I do say so myself.

Reminds me of the other day when I was bowling. These drunk girls in the alley next to us were screaming about how much they love the Red Sox.

Their favorite player was Julio Lugo.

I rest my case.

Oh my god that article is so true of the girls around here.

that article was great

my girlfriend is definatly NOT a GSF. She won't sit through a leaf game with me, but still offers her condolonces to me when they lose (which is more often than not)

most GSF's I've seen are fans of whatever team won the superbowl the year before, and "have been for my whole life"

This double standard exists far beyond sports announcing.

Pam Ward is the only one I can think of who's broken that trend.

Would JD Drew have been a worse decision?

Much worse.

there are sooo many hot chicks at sporting events tho

Suzy Kolber is excellent? I disagree. Not only does it seem like she is reading off a cue card, she sounds like a man.

Fantastic Article PD. Well done.

Further Proof, Erin Andrews is just awesome.

the best thing about the gsf's in the pics....

theyre all gettin DRUNK!!

Thats the best thing i have read in a long long time

Except for Al Michaels I don't want to listen to any of those clowns anymore than any of the chick announcers.



Thats what i'm thinking, if it wasnt for checking out the hot chicks what else would there be to do during all the commercial breaks?

Too long to read...

But...even when a chick knows a lot about a team and is, by all intents and purposes, a solid fan -- I still think for some reason girls look funny screaming and yelling, taunting the other team, etc. Leave it to the guys, and have some cookies ready for us at halftime.

And if you're gonna spend the whole game trying to get on camera...at least show your tits.