this piece starts off really really nicely although its content appears to be a little vague but the ending to it is - in my eyes - very simple and very awesome at the same time. For the poem it comes like a revelation, hard to explain... those last two lines sound very familiar (as in, I can perfectly relate). Is there music to it? Is there supposed to be?
_________________ I will pull your crooked teeth, you'll be toothless just like me
i'll give you a more in depth response later, but you should consider change the title to "Wake Up Twice"
i actually like that a lot better, but i'm not sure i want to give away the ending in the title. i went with "The Dreamer" because by title alone it could be about a lot of different things. looking forward to the in depth response.
this piece starts off really really nicely although its content appears to be a little vague but the ending to it is - in my eyes - very simple and very awesome at the same time. For the poem it comes like a revelation, hard to explain... those last two lines sound very familiar (as in, I can perfectly relate).
i guess it's about the endless cycle of conformity and the awkwardness thereof. the piece was actually about 4x as long originally back in 2004, but over the years i've cut it down to what you just read. it was full of contradictions and redundant lines.
Raziel wrote:
Is there music to it? Is there supposed to be?
i don't know really, right now there isn't, but i could see it work in a softer Indifference type music environment.
additionally i'd like to add that i don't think it's finished yet. the last lines are the end, but i feel there's something i could, and possibly need to add to the middle parts.
Joined: Sat Mar 11, 2006 5:06 am Posts: 3146 Location: Orange County, California
SmilinSkullRing wrote:
Those last few lines are very good.
i cannot find the strength to wake up twice today
This line strikes a powerful chord with me. You couldn't have worded it any better.
_________________ I waited all day
you waited all day
but you left before sunset
and I just wanted to tell you
that the moment was beautiful
just wanted to dance to bad music
drive bad cars
watch bad tv
should have stayed for the sunset
if not for me
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