Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2004 2:17 am Posts: 1800 Location: The Edge of the Desert, So Cal, Earth
There's people I'm close with, but don't see often. We've been friends for years and years, and there's certain information that sometimes we just... fail to mention to each other.
Generally it's about dating or job changes, you know... big stuff. Things that I think that we're still dealing with ourselves, and therefore arent ready to have imput on yet.
So this time, some withheld information is a little more important, and when it finally comes up, I think that some people will feel hurt that it hasn't been mentioned already.
So is that lying? Or just, not ready to share yet?
Joined: Sun Oct 17, 2004 12:47 am Posts: 46000 Location: Reasonville
it's definitely not lying. and i wouldn't see it as a reflection of you. it's just how certain people deal with things.
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Joined: Sun Oct 17, 2004 12:47 am Posts: 46000 Location: Reasonville
actually, my above statement is simplistic. i think we need more info as to what exactly the situation is.
_________________ No matter how dark the storm gets overhead They say someone's watching from the calm at the edge What about us when we're down here in it? We gotta watch our backs
it's really your business when and if you feel like sharing. if they take it personally, tough. i waited quite a while before telling my folks that my wife was pregnant. i just wanted to prolong the moment as long as i could before i had anyone else's input.
_________________ F**k me if I say something you don't want to hear from me.. F**k me if you only hear what you want to hear from me...
Joined: Sun Oct 17, 2004 12:47 am Posts: 46000 Location: Reasonville
conoalias wrote:
the unknown is not a lie. it only becomes lying when you're asked about it and don't give an honest answer.
you could be misleading, though, and that's pretty close to lying.
_________________ No matter how dark the storm gets overhead They say someone's watching from the calm at the edge What about us when we're down here in it? We gotta watch our backs
Most of my friends in college were female, and for two of them we went through long periods of sexual tension. I never talk about my wife when I see them now, mostly on holidays. They've learned I got married, I think, through mutual contacts, but we just don't mention it when we're together.
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Joined: Sat Oct 16, 2004 11:17 pm Posts: 13551 Location: is a jerk in wyoming Gender: Female
Hi Debra- I don't know you but here's my thought: sometimes you just have to go with your gut feeling about something sensitive - It's not always the "right thing to do" but it's usually less trouble causing down the road...
I dunno, maybe that's being cowardly, but sometimes it's better than the consequences of telling people things- and I'm no stranger to telling people things, and dealing with the consequences so, take it for what it's worth. Best of luck though.
Hi Debra- I don't know you but here's my thought: sometimes you just have to go with your gut feeling about something sensitive - It's not always the "right thing to do" but it's usually less trouble causing down the road...
I dunno, maybe that's being cowardly, but sometimes it's better than the consequences of telling people things- and I'm no stranger to telling people things, and dealing with the consequences so, take it for what it's worth. Best of luck though.
Joined: Sat Oct 16, 2004 11:17 pm Posts: 13551 Location: is a jerk in wyoming Gender: Female
Spike wrote:
malice wrote:
Hi Debra- I don't know you but here's my thought: sometimes you just have to go with your gut feeling about something sensitive - It's not always the "right thing to do" but it's usually less trouble causing down the road...
I dunno, maybe that's being cowardly, but sometimes it's better than the consequences of telling people things- and I'm no stranger to telling people things, and dealing with the consequences so, take it for what it's worth. Best of luck though.
Hi Debra- I don't know you but here's my thought: sometimes you just have to go with your gut feeling about something sensitive - It's not always the "right thing to do" but it's usually less trouble causing down the road...
I dunno, maybe that's being cowardly, but sometimes it's better than the consequences of telling people things- and I'm no stranger to telling people things, and dealing with the consequences so, take it for what it's worth. Best of luck though.
Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2004 2:17 am Posts: 1800 Location: The Edge of the Desert, So Cal, Earth
I agree that my business is my business. And the withheld information has no effect on their lives whatsoever, so I'm thinking it's not misleading. And absolutley if I were asked by them, I wouldn't lie.
I know that a lot of my thing is that I'm still in the moment, and don't want that jaded by someone's negative response, because it's taking a lot of strength to get through. But then I put myself in the other people's shoes, and I would be curious why I hadn't been told.
BUT... my stoic foundations say that I cannot control what other people do, only how I react to that, and so their hurt is not my burden.
This is nothing we'll stop being friends over... I was just having a secondguessing moment...
Joined: Sat Aug 13, 2005 11:31 pm Posts: 7162 Location: The Only "Non-NESN" County CT Gender: Male
PaperNapkinNotes wrote:
I agree that my business is my business. And the withheld information has no effect on their lives whatsoever, so I'm thinking it's not misleading. And absolutley if I were asked by them, I wouldn't lie.
I know that a lot of my thing is that I'm still in the moment, and don't want that jaded by someone's negative response, because it's taking a lot of strength to get through. But then I put myself in the other people's shoes, and I would be curious why I hadn't been told.
BUT... my stoic foundations say that I cannot control what other people do, only how I react to that, and so their hurt is not my burden.
This is nothing we'll stop being friends over... I was just having a secondguessing moment...
d
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