He's two and a half, and he was saying "belly hurt" for about a half hour. He was sitting up with us when he should have been in bed already. He finally looked tired so I picked him up to take him to bed, and he just blew like 3 or 4 full-on heaves on my left shoulder. I'm not sure I could eat in one sitting what he blew on me.

The first smell was hot dogs. Unmistakable. There were many hot dog skins all over me, him, and the living room floor. Fortunately, I managed to stand on the hearth in front of the fireplace to mostly avoid the carpet.

I told my wife that she was cleaning the whole thing up since I was wearing a good portion of it, and what I was not wearing was only because it had already dripped off of me onto the floor.

So how was your evening?

Better than yours, fatherhood sucks. Fucking bitches, taking drugs, and staying up late rules

Did he read one of Littlewing's posts?

I didn't quite get the response I wanted from David

money well spent...

eeewwww.....

I'm glad my kids are old enough to run to the toilet by themselves. My labrador on the other hand.....

has smelly farts?

lol...that AND he pukes on the floor.

he's like a toddler.

I played video games.
I watched basketball.
I watched football.
Drank a couple beers.


Nope, no barfing in there at all.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA!

And you told me I'd never be able to pay him off.

My master plan is finally starting to fall into place...

My kid made a stuffed snowman play "Frosty the Snowman" 5,437 times.

Eww.

Oh, it only got better.

After everyone bathed and the floor was cleaned, we put him to bed, and all was well for about 2 hours. Then a little after midnight, he woke up crying, and since I was tired and had to get up especially early for work today, I just told my wife to bring him into our bed to sleep. I mean, he couldn't possibly have any more to barf in him after the previous episode, right?

About 12:30 he barfed all over my wife and our bed.

We stripped him and the bed, and ran the laundry, again. I informed my wife that I would now be sleeping on the couch, and the baby could sleep in our bed with her. This was not particularly comfortable being that all of the spare balnkets were now in use by her. So I threw together a flannel sheet and a couple of throw blankets and fashioned a bed on the couch.

Apparently, the boy barfed again (not much substance this time) about 2:00, but I was only dimly aware of this as I slept poorly on the couch.

Then at about 5:00, my older son woke up and wandered across the living room. I stopped him and asked him what he wanted, and he replied, "Really really cold water," as he always does. Done. Put him back in bed.

2 minutes later, whining from his room. "What do you want, Sam?" "My music is off." So I turned on his music. Told him that I was very sleepy and he needed to go back to sleep himself.

2 minutes later, more whining. "What do you need now?" "My blanket is crooked." I should remind you, this is NOT the child who is sick and vomiting. He's just being a fucking pain in the ass. This blanket problem could be solved by literally grabbing the blanket and pulling it four inches towards his head. I informed him that he could have done this himself, and if he woke me up again I was going to be very angry.

A few minutes later a small figure again walked across the living room. "Sam, where do you think you're going?" "I want to see Mommy." "Mommy is sleeping. Jonah is sick. I want to be sleeping. Get back in your bed before I give you a whack." Runs back in his room.

20 minutes later, I have just fallen back asleep, when I am again awakened by a small person in the living room. "Daddy, you need to say you're sorry. You yelled at me."

I don't really remember what happened just after that, as I flew into a rage of screaming and yelling and chased the boy back to his room. My wife came in and sent me out, ultimately talking the boy down, and this part really pissed me off, she took him into bed with her and the other one. "You're going to REWARD him for this bullshit?"

So as I tried to catch the last hour I had before I needed to get up for work, I got to listen to two little kids chatter with each other in the next room. I was too angry to ever really make it back to sleep, and the couch was not terribly comfortable anyway.

I wish I were at home sleeping right now, but I'm in my office because I have a "to do" list that's a mile long with a disturbing number of items with "2 stars" next to them. However, I'm too brainfried to actually do them, so I'm writing a long story to you folks.

After reading that story, I hope I'm not a dad one day. I have enough rage problems as it is.

i read that as "rape problems"

Looks like someone needs a trip to the eye doctor.

*psychiatrist

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

A thousand times LOL.

Stop teaching your kids.

That would be good for him too.

Eeeeexxcellent.

Everything is going according to plan.


Muahahahahahahahahaaha...