Joined: Sat Oct 16, 2004 11:04 pm Posts: 39920 Gender: Male
This is a thread I wrote out in my head laying in bed last night, I hope you all enjoy it.
If PJ were ___ Metal
• If PJ were Thrash Metal they would speeds up all their songs and change all their lyrics to themes about drinking booze and war. For some reason or another the song Lukin would include the bands name and an obscure reference to how all their fans are drunks with leather fetishes.
• If PJ were Heavy Metal they would write boring riffs and every single solo would sound the same. They would claim they were heavily influenced by Black Sabbath but of course sound nothing like Doom Metal, the genre that Sabbath really were.
• If PJ were Neo-Classical metal they would write riffs directly based on the most obscure Bach and Vivaldi compositions they could find, and of course speed them up 5 times faster than the original compositions. They would then proceed to record an album with a full backing orchestra, and then go on tour with Yngwie Malmsteen's Rising Force and Therion.
• If PJ were a Power Metal band they would write songs about Jeremy slaying the evil mythical dragon Nargrothzarg in the magical land of Pearljamia. They would have wicked cool colourful cover art and they would credit their influence to Deep Purple and Queen at every given possible chance. Not that anyone wants to interview Power Metal bands, because all they talk about is how awesome they are at Ever Quest and Dungeons And Dragons
• If PJ were Doom Metal they would tune their guitars down to A and play at a painfully slow pace, letting every single note drone on for an hour and Eddie would croon into the mic about how cruel the pains of time are, and how wounds only infect over time, never healing and only leading to eternal misery. Also they would have Stone play a mournful violin solo in every song, the songs of course lasting a minim of 15 minutes each. They would also eventually write a concept album about the coming end of the world, but they've never heard of My Dying Bride, they swear.
• If PJ were Black Metal they would immediately relocate to Norway, at which time they would declare Darkthrone's A Blaze In A Northern Sky the indefinite best album ever recorded in the history of music as man[a shallow beast that should be exterminated by the leagues of the uprising Pagans(the only tru humans.)] Also they would declare they're not wearing corpse-paint anymore because only brainwashed so called "Satanist" Black Metal composer do that bullshit, and the only true Black Metal is that of the Norse Heathen origin, although they fail to realize that half of Darkthrone's song include one of the following words in them; Satan, Lucifer, Dark Lord, Morning Star, etc.
• If PJ were a Death Metal band they would be far too cool to ever sell out to those other pussy forms of metal. What with their non-gore drenched lyrics and utterly slow boring tempos. Jeremy would just be about the blood and brain matter than spattered all over the teacher and the other kids, and how they all vomited gore and bile after that happened, for some reason creating a pit of zombies that gave abortions with surprising medical precision.
• If PJ were a Folk Metal band they would re-record all of them albums adding awesome fiddle melodies, and keyboard passages where acceptable. They would also hire 5 or 6 more members to play various folk instruments like; fiddle, accordion, digerdoo(see Gjallarhorn), banjo, different flutes, and hand drums. You think that Vedder is chanting like a Native American, but that's just because you're not hip to the ancient Sami culture and how much superior it was to the Native American ones, people really need to stop ripping off those Sami people.
Joined: Sun Oct 17, 2004 12:35 am Posts: 1311 Location: Lexington
godeatgod wrote:
This is a thread I wrote out in my head laying in bed last night, I hope you all enjoy it.
If PJ were ___ Metal
• If PJ were Thrash Metal they would speeds up all their songs and change all their lyrics to themes about drinking booze and war. For some reason or another the song Lukin would include the bands name and an obscure reference to how all their fans are drunks with leather fetishes.
• If PJ were Heavy Metal they would write boring riffs and every single solo would sound the same. They would claim they were heavily influenced by Black Sabbath but of course sound nothing like Doom Metal, the genre that Sabbath really were.
• If PJ were Neo-Classical metal they would write riffs directly based on the most obscure Bach and Vivaldi compositions they could find, and of course speed them up 5 times faster than the original compositions. They would then proceed to record an album with a full backing orchestra, and then go on tour with Yngwie Malmsteen's Rising Force and Therion.
• If PJ were a Power Metal band they would write songs about Jeremy slaying the evil mythical dragon Nargrothzarg in the magical land of Pearljamia. They would have wicked cool colourful cover art and they would credit their influence to Deep Purple and Queen at every given possible chance. Not that anyone wants to interview Power Metal bands, because all they talk about is how awesome they are at Ever Quest and Dungeons And Dragons
• If PJ were Doom Metal they would tune their guitars down to A and play at a painfully slow pace, letting every single note drone on for an hour and Eddie would croon into the mic about how cruel the pains of time are, and how wounds only infect over time, never healing and only leading to eternal misery. Also they would have Stone play a mournful violin solo in every song, the songs of course lasting a minim of 15 minutes each. They would also eventually write a concept album about the coming end of the world, but they've never heard of My Dying Bride, they swear.
• If PJ were Black Metal they would immediately relocate to Norway, at which time they would declare Darkthrone's A Blaze In A Northern Sky the indefinite best album ever recorded in the history of music as man[a shallow beast that should be exterminated by the leagues of the uprising Pagans(the only tru humans.)] Also they would declare they're not wearing corpse-paint anymore because only brainwashed so called "Satanist" Black Metal composer do that bullshit, and the only true Black Metal is that of the Norse Heathen origin, although they fail to realize that half of Darkthrone's song include one of the following words in them; Satan, Lucifer, Dark Lord, Morning Star, etc.
• If PJ were a Death Metal band they would be far too cool to ever sell out to those other pussy forms of metal. What with their non-gore drenched lyrics and utterly slow boring tempos. Jeremy would just be about the blood and brain matter than spattered all over the teacher and the other kids, and how they all vomited gore and bile after that happened, for some reason creating a pit of zombies that gave abortions with surprising medical precision.
• If PJ were a Folk Metal band they would re-record all of them albums adding awesome fiddle melodies, and keyboard passages where acceptable. They would also hire 5 or 6 more members to play various folk instruments like; fiddle, accordion, digerdoo(see Gjallarhorn), banjo, different flutes, and hand drums. You think that Vedder is chanting like a Native American, but that's just because you're not hip to the ancient Sami culture and how much superior it was to the Native American ones, people really need to stop ripping off those Sami people.
• If PJ were godeatgod metal they'd compare everything to the one genre of music they percieve themselves as understanding. They would spend their days trying to justify their myopic view of music by regurgitating thoughtless banalities such as "but of course sound nothing like Doom Metal, the genre that Sabbath really were."
dbf OUT!
_________________
punkdavid wrote:
Make sure to bring a bottle of vitriol. And wear a condom so you don't insinuate her.
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