Let's say that you weren't good with money.

Let's say that you've been bailed out of debt in the past due to a significant other's good fortune.

Let's say that once again, unfortunately, you're in debt, and you need of your significant other to bail you out, again.

Let's say that by the time you're out of the hole you dug for yourself, you'll have had a year long "free ride" so-to-speak, since rent/bills/groceries/etc. have been paid/bought for you.

As the financially challenged, how do you feel?

As the significant other, how do you feel?



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As the financially challenged I'd feel like a tool.

As the significant other I'd fe... I wouldn't be that significant other.

do you provide good sex?

You who? The F.C. or the S.O.?

the fc.

Sex is no longer involved because of the wedge the financial burden has created. Things are hypothetically unravelling quickly.

d

as the significant other...if I loved that person I would probably be an idiot and feel good about helping them, and if I had the money would continue to help.

if I were the person that was bailed out I would feel extremely guilty and worthless

Thank you for answering. I love your Newman icon thing.

I read everyone else's replies...and I agree....however my question is this:

If the "fc" was just using the "so" for money over the course of a year, the "fc" is worthless. However, you don't mention anything other than money in your post...except later bring up the fact that both stopped having sex together which leads me to believe that the relationship is bullshit and the "fc" just likes being bailed out.

The act of someone who loves you (and you love back) helping you get your debts in order is fine. The problem is when its a financial arrangement and the feelings are all a facade. That is when you should feel guilty.

How hypothetical is all of this anyway?

great post. I agree with this whole heartedly

Obviously it's not hypothetical at all. But in order to avoid bias, I'm leaving out which gender is in which role. I really truly want to see what you guys think of both positions so that I can assess who to give what advice, cause I'm torn.

I'm trying to gague who has the more reasonable expectations.

Like, at what point does the F.C. say "enough is enough" and get their shit together, and at what point does the S.O. say "enough is enough, get the fuck out."?

d

(*From my observations, the consistant and repititious financial burden and not only lack of appreciation, but the seeming expectation of rescue, is what has ended the emotional bond and mutual respect between the two*)

There is a big difference between falling into debt and chronically falling into debt. Everybody hits hard times at some point in their life and if you have somebody there who is able to lend a helping hand then fantastic - there's no shame in that. But I have absolutely no sympathy for the people who have no control over their finances and manage to accummulate debt regardless of how much money they are making.

The financially challenged person in this situation needs to learn some hard lessons. If i were the person repeatedly bailing them out and essentially giving them a free ride I would have kicked them to the curb long ago. Obviously bailing them out isn't teaching them shit. They'll find out some quick on their own which expenses are necessities and which expenses are luxuries.

I'll share a bit of personal experience on the matter. My girlfriend falls into the financially challenged category. She has a mountain of debt, almost entirely from student loans (no credit card debt or anything) and rarely has enough money to make it to her next paycheck. She repeatedly needed bailouts from me in the form of small, short-term loans (i don't give out "freebies") in order to pay whatever collection agency was calling that week. Then she lost her job and spent 3 months looking for a new one. She found one but it paid less than her previous job so she wasn't making ends meet.

Eventually i had to step in because her financial woes were beginning to cause a major rift in our relationship. We had a couple of difficult talks about her state of affairs but we came up with a solution. She went to see a debt councillor and consolidated her debt into one payment, i drafted up a budget for her and I made sure she stucks to it. I let her know when every bill is due and tell her when she has to give me the money for it (i pay all the bills). It still causes a bit of friction now and then but she is way better off now than she was. She got a second, part-time job which gives her the spending money she needs and was actually able to get a loan for a used car. She's making all of her payments on time and her student loan is on track to be paid off in a couple of years. We don't fight about money and i don't have to bail her out anymore plus she has the satisfaction of being on top of her finances for the first time in a long time.

Anyways, the point of my story is that fiscal responsibility has to be taught to some people, but IMO if a person isn't willing to learn and to work through their issues then they should be dropped like a bad habit. You don't need an anchor weighing you down for the rest of your life.

This sums it up for me. I'd get out of any long term relationship with anybody who goes into debt for anything other than a house, student loans, or maybe a modest car (only if they absolutely need one); and only if they have income to pay those things back. If you don't have a job, ride the stupid bus and don't buy a bunch of clothes and junk you don't need. Finances are one of the most common causes of marital problems, so I'll take precautionary measures to prevent that to happening to me.

My favorites of your points:



I'm feeling increasingly helpless and angry. Everyone's input has helped/is helping. Thank You.



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