http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,23 ... 77,00.html

Happiness plummets with kids' arrival

Marriage is a constant source of joy, but introducing children into the relationship will send your happiness in a downward spiral.

Marriage, money and children were conventionally considered to be the cornerstone of happiness but such thinking did not stand up to scientific scrutiny, Harvard University psychology professor Daniel Gilbert told the Happiness and its Causes conference in Sydney today.

According to scientific and economic research, only marriage proved to be a constant source of joy.

"Figures show that married people are in almost every way happier than unmarried people - whether they are single, divorced, cohabiting," Prof Gilbert said.

"Married people live longer, married people earn more money per capita, married people have more sex and enjoy it more.

"Married people seem to be happier on every dimension that you can imagine."

Money can also buy happiness - just not as much happiness as people think.

"Money buys you a lot of happiness first and then it buys you less and less - every dollar buys you less happiness as the dollar before, and you reach a point where money is doing almost nothing for your happiness," Prof Gilbert said.

"But it's never the case that more money makes you sadder. If you get millions and millions you never get depressed about it."

And despite the belief that children were the apples of our eyes, they actually had a negative impact on happiness.

The more kids you had, the sadder you were likely to be, Prof Gilbert said.

US and European studies had shown that people's happiness did spike while they were expecting a baby but sharply plummeted after the child was born.

The low point came when children reached the ages of 12-16, and recovered only when they had flown the coop, he said.

"In reality ... children do seem to increase happiness as long as you're expecting them, but as soon as you have them, trouble sets in," he said.

"People are extremely happy before they have children and then their happiness goes down, and it takes another big hit when kids reach adolescence.

"When does it come back to it's original baseline? Oh, about the time the children grow up and go away."

Explaining why the statistics conflicted with most people's view of parenthood, Prof Gilbert made the unusual comparison to buying a pair of Armani socks.

"When people own Armani socks they can't stop telling you they are the best socks, the most amazing socks," he said.

"(But) I suspect that one of the reasons that people who own Armani socks think they are wonderful is because they have paid $85 for a pair.

"The psychologists tell us that we like things more when we pay for them - what does that sound like? It sounds like children. We pay for them in time, attention, blood, sweat and tears - what kind of idiots would we be to devote all of that to the rearing of our young if they'd didn't bring us some happiness?"

The fact that parenthood crowded out all other things in life could explain why we considered children our greatest source of joy, he said.

"Parents tell me all the time that: `My child is my greatest source of joy'," he said.

"My reply is that: `Yes, when you have one source of joy, it's bound to be your greatest'."

Wierd. My happiness quotient went up when my kid arrived and the wife left.

2 incomes, no kids. That would tend to make life pretty easy to take.

Ask gay men.

Balls!

I don't think I really started being happy until my son was born.

This "happiness study" is also a giant pile of dumb.

Or B.

Yep it's true, findings of studies DO apply to everyone. Don't try to fight it mcp.

I hope I will feel the same way one day, when I decide to have a child.

happily married for almost 8 years now.....no kids ever....got snipped 3 years ago..

Getting married in October and we don't plan on having kids, mainly due to a harsh medical history for both our families and the fact that I'm already 37 and she's 35. Part of me feels like I'll miss out, but the other part is saying that I'll enjoy the hell out of marriage without the extra bills.

I've become less enthused about the prospect of children over the last several months, and this article isn't helping.

I have two children. I love them dearly, and don't regret having them. Of course they add stress to one's life. You can't help but worry about the people you love. Every single person in your life goes through difficult times, and if you love those people, you also empathize with them. In a survey asking about a vague state of mind like "happiness," of course children decrease one's level of "happiness" because as parents we go through every difficult moment in their lives with them. That doesn't mean that they don't bring us joy along with the stress.

Is a family of three or four or five going to have more stress associated with it than a family of two? Well, of course, but there's the added love that comes with the addition of more family members, and the added fun of seeing things brand new through your children's eyes, and, of course, the excitement of watching them develop and learn. But there's a price to pay for the benefits, too.

From my observations, children bring a lot of joy to people. I've seen my friends change into completely different people once they had kids...and for the better.

I don't personally want any, at this moment. But i'm not against the idea, either. I'm just selfish i guess and don't wanna have to buy stuff like diapers and baby food when i could buy fun stuff for myself.

One of the reasons I like my job is that I get to be important in lots of kids' lives and interact with them, but I also get to go home and be a grown-up kid myself. It's kind of the best of both worlds.

I suspect Professor Gilbert is sterile.

And comfortable but not rich.

Anything worthwhile needs hard word and commitment. Cliche, but true. I would not say for me that having children has made me less happy. I would say that it has made me more responsible and empathetic. Having kids is one of those things that is impossible to fully understand and appreciate unless you actually have your own. I've wanted kids all my life and still there was so much more to it than I ever thought once it happened. You do sacrifice part of your life for your children's needs. And I suppose some people view that as time that they could otherwise be doing other entertaining things for themselves. But I find being a parent the most rewarding thing I've ever done in my life.

You just summed up exactly the impression i get from every single new parent i've ever talked to. It seems to me to be one of the most beautiful experiences in life.

i'm just skeered.

Well, there's that and i don't even have a girlfriend.