...wow. What a glorious piece of shit that was. Completely nonsensical and inept, it is exactly the kind of total failure that I love. Full of brilliant dialogue such as "Hospitals are for rich people!" and of course the dramatic scene in which Lindsay Lohan actually verbalizes the title of the movie. And great fully-clothed stripteases. And a Scoobie Doo ending. I am buying this as soon as I see a copy in the 3.99 bin at Hollywood.

And btw, I searched for this, but the damn search engine informed me that it had thrown out the words "I," "know," "who," and "me."

"Oh no, I forgot to plug in my prosthetic leg again!"

Was Lindsey Lo-hoe at least mildly hot in it?

from what i heard, yes. i didnt see it though.

isnt she fucking some guy and her "twin" or whoever gets her fingers/hand chopped off and so lohan loses her appendages as well?

I'm not expecting Lindsay to be the next Meryl Streep, but who the fuck is choosing these roles for her?

She was not very attractive in this one. The strip tease numbers are more awkward and ridiculous than sexy. The woman who played her mother, on the other hand?

Yup. Not while she's screwing the guy, mind you. Her finger rots and falls off while she's backstage. Just starts to turn black and then plops right down on her makeup tray. She faints, and then decides to just take the bus home and attempt to sew her finger on later, because, you know, "Hospitals are for rich people."

Her name is Dakota Moss, btw. They should have named the twin sister Missouri Algae.

Dakota Moss is a great name.

Yeah, and I think it's pretty representative of the movie as a whole. Just imagine a wannabe giallo/Saw ripoff by people who think naming a character Dakota Moss is a good idea. That's the movie in a nutshell.

*Moves to top of netflix queue*

I'm not really sure which role Lohan was worse at: The streetwise stripper with the crackhead mom or the smart, "sensitive" writer. You'd think a striptease would come to her much more naturally than reciting a supposedly-poignant essay, but she fails at each with an equal degree of terrible acting.


Also: Her leg beeps when the battery is low.

I kinda want to watch this now.

I'll have to watch this. Nothing is better than the worst movies.

yup...bart, you sold it to me