Website Lets You Send a Post-Rapture E-Mail to Friends 'Left Behind'

By Kevin Poulsen June 03, 2008 | 3:42:43 PM

If millions of Christians suddenly disappear from the face of the Earth as the opening act for Armageddon, Threat Level thinks most nonbelievers will be too busy freaking the hell out to check their e-mail. But if they do log in, now they can be treated to some post-Rapture needling from their missing friends and loved ones, courtesy of web startup YouveBeenLeftBehind.com.

For just $40 a year, believers can arrange for up to 62 people to get a final message exactly six days after the Rapture, that day when -- according to Christian end times dogma -- Christians will be swept up to heaven, while doubters are left behind to suffer seven years of Tribulation under a global government headed by the Antichrist.

"You've Been Left Behind gives you one last opportunity to reach your lost family and friends for Christ," reads the website, which is purportedly run "by Christians, for Christians." The domain name is registered through an anonymous proxy service, presumably to protect the proprietors from the Forces of Darkness, and not because they're up to anything shady.

The e-mails will be triggered when three of the site's five Christian staffers "scattered around the U.S." fail to log in for six days in a row -- a system that incorporates a nice margin of safety, should two of the proprietors turn out to be unrepentant sinners or atheists.

Users can also upload up to 150 megabytes of documents, which will be protected by an unidentified encryption algorithm until the Rapture, then released to up to 12 nonbelievers of your choice. The site recommends that you use that storage to house sensitive financial information.

"In the encrypted portion of your account you can give them access to your banking, brokerage, hidden valuables, and powers of attorneys," the site says. "There won't be any bodies, so probate court will take seven years to clear your assets to your next of kin. Seven years, of course, is all the time that will be left. So, basically the Government of the Antichrist gets your stuff, unless you make it available in another way."

Of course, some of us would sooner trust the Antichrist with our stuff than turn it over to a company that hides behind an anonymous domain registration service, and doesn't list a single corporate officer or employee by name on its website.

The company, You've Been Left Behind LLC, didn't respond to an e-mail query, raising the obvious question of whether the Rapture has already begun. Developing …



http://blog.wired.com/27bstroke6/2008/06/service-lets-yo.html

Why didn't I think of this?

It does seem to be a very high margin business.

The way I look at it, you don't even have to do anything. You just bill them, tell them their stuff is "encrypted" somewhere, so if they ask you to retrieve it, you can actually pretend that you actually have a server somewhere with all of this stuff on it (but the bank account info might be worth keeping of course!).

Now, that would be unethical. I mean, how would you feel when the rapture comes and you don't deliver on what was promised? You are doubly fucked. They will probably try to charge that shit back to their credit cards (though I guess they won't be on Earth anymore) and you will probably get a really bad spot in Hell when then 7 years are up.

Is that a risk you are willing to take? If so, PM me.

Are they really gonna know when they're up there being fellated by angels (or whatever happens up there)?

fellated by angels? now i want to go...

Let the suckers pay, they were stupid enough to believe in the religion to begin with.

Have you ever been tactful about anything in your life?

At least there wasn't any profanity this time...

can we get back to the fellatio i might be missing by not being a believer...and angels? wow.

Don't take my word for it, I'm just trying to piece together what I was taught in Sunday School as a child. I know they said something about eternal bliss, and I know there are supposed to be lots of angels whose lip muscles are well-conditioned from their preparation to sound the holy trumpets at the return of the Messiah.