Homer forms the Pin Pals, a bowling team made up of Moe, Apu and Otto, but the team has to cut Otto when Mr. Burns muscles in and insists on joining. Meanwhile, Principal Skinner implements a school-wide dress code when Bart shows up to school in a MAD Magazine T-shirt. The Pin Pals take on the Holy Rollers (Ned and Maude Flanders, Reverend and Mrs. Lovejoy) and other teams until they're in the finals. Even though he's no longer on the team, Otto manages to help the Pin Pals win the tournament. Getting caught in the rain, the children of Springfield Elementary School discover that their new school uniforms are not color-fast, and are amused by the wild colors their clothes make when wet.
Homer: Ooh, "Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions"! I'm great at these. Ask me if something smells funny in here, Boy. Bart: Does something smell funny in here? Homer: I don't think so...stupid! [laughs to self] Marge:[walking in] Homey, you want pork chops? Homer: No, I want roast beef, you clod! [laughs some more] Bart: Look at this: "Special Insert: Iron-On Mad-Ness!" [reads iron-ons] "Ban the Bath"..."Don't Trust Anyone Over Ten"..."Sock It To Me!" [laughs to self] Marge: Hmm. Those magazines create a dangerous amount of laughter. Homer:[trying to do Fold-In] "The Al-ighty -ollar?" [laughs] Oh, I get it!
Moe: Man! You go through life, you try to be nice to people, you struggle to resist the urge to punch in the face, and for what? For some pimply little puke to treat like dirt unless you're on a team. Well, I'm better than dirt -- well, most kinds of dirt. I mean, not that fancy store-bought dirt. That stuff's loaded with nutrients. I -- I can't compete with that stuff.
Marge: No, I will not pay you $500 for sex! Homer: Aw, come on, Marge! You're getting something in return, and I'm getting a bowling team. It's win-win!
Burns:[groaning] Ohh! I need some more ether. I can still feel the movement of the emory board. Smithers:[checks bottle] We're fresh out, Sir. I'll get some more. Burns: Leave the rag. [sniffs it] Mmm... [Smithers walks out; Homer sneaks in] Homer: Uh...excuse me, Mr. Burns? Burns:[gasps] Poppin' Fresh! You glutinous little doughboy. [Homer morphs into Poppin' Fresh in Burns' mind] [chuckles] There's something I've wanted to do to you for years! [starts poking his stomach; Homer laughs] Homer:[getting his eyes poked at] Ow! Heh, Mr. Burns? I, er, was wondering if you'd like to sponsor my bowling team...for... $500. Burns: Ho ho, why, certainly, Poppin' Fresh! I owe my robust physique to your tubes of triple-bleached goo. Homer: Woo hoo! [runs out] Hey, everybody: if you want to ask Burns for a favor, now's the time! He's doped up, or dying, or something. Hans:[running in] Uh, excuse me: I'd like to request $17 for a push-broom rebristling. Burns: Why, it's that delightful TV leprechaun. I'm going to get your Lucky Charms. [starts a drill] Hans: Oh, no: my brains.
Homer, Apu and Moe: You can do it, Otto! You can do it, Otto! Apu: Make this spare; I'll give you free gelato! Moe: Then back to my place, where I will get you blotto! Homer: Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto. All: You can do it, Otto! You can do it -- Otto: Uh, guys? I made the spare. We won!
Homer: There it is, boys: the championship trophy. Apu: We will never possess it. The Holy Rollers have won it five years in a row. Moe: Ehh, they think they're so high and mighty just because they never got caught driving without pants.
Bart:[whining] Mom, my slingshot doesn't fit in these pockets. And these shorts leave nothing to the imagination. These uniforms suck! Marge: Bart! Where do you pick up words like that? Homer:[on phone] Yeah, Moe, that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked.
Burns:[menacing] Listen here...I want to join your team. Homer: You want to join my what? Smithers: You want to what his team? Burns: I've had one of my unpredictable changes of heart. Seeing these fine young athletes, reveling in the humiliation of a vanquished foe...mmm, I haven't felt this energized since my last, er, boweling.
Bart: Wow! Look at all the colors, man! Lisa: Red, green, yellow, orange! I remember all of these. Milhouse: I'm freaking out! Jimbo: Hey: something's coming back to me. Down with homework! Martin:[dancing, shirtless] And down with uniforms! Yay! [other children cheer and riot] Chalmers:[getting hit on the head with balls, etc.] Ow. Ow. Ow! Ow. Skinner! Why aren't these uniforms colorfast?! Skinner: I don't understand it. I got them at the same place I buy Mother's dresses, and -- Good Lord! Mother's in the park! [runs] Chalmers: Now this, I gotta see!
Burns: Oh, I almost forgot. I brought you all a little something. [pulls out a professionally-designed Pin Pals T-shirt] Moe: Aw, would you look at that? "Pin Pals". Apu: At last, I finally have a garment fine enough to be married in.
_________________ Gotta say it now.... better loud than too late.
Moe: Man! You go through life, you try to be nice to people, you struggle to resist the urge to punch in the face, and for what? For some pimply little puke to treat like dirt unless you're on a team. Well, I'm better than dirt -- well, most kinds of dirt. I mean, not that fancy store-bought dirt. That stuff's loaded with nutrients. I -- I can't compete with that stuff.
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