Disclaimer: I think i'm too inside this one to tell if it's good or bad. My awareness of it has been completely stripped, so forgive me if it's a little all over the place. I've been playing around with the parts for a while now, and I think i have a version i'm content with..

Arm In Arm (For Anna)

Tonight I am with you:
Tom, Ed, Bob...
I’m sharing your taxis,
I’m sipping your coffee,
And I’m clinging to everything
I can.

I awaken to hear her crying:
She hides the howls
With the crackling hiss of bad radio,
And she thinks that
Nobody hears.
A ceramic lion with
A glass smile
That melts and drains as
She spins away from the sun.

There are distant continents
Where cracked feet walk,
Heads hang lower,
And people have felt
So much more than this.
And,
In perspective,
We are but the burning dots
Flaking from a sunbeam...
The cake crumbs
You brush off your crotch...
The reluctant pebbles
Scraping down the spine of
Niagara...
But there is no comfort in this,
And it still makes
No fucking sense.

And I’m here,
Escaping with you.
I’m hitchhiking with you to New Orleans,
I’m clinging on,
I’m hiding inside your piano.
And these days, like my mind,
Are waning and waxing
In rhythm and in time.
But the radio is ROARING
Like never before,
And, helpless and weak,
I shake and pretend to sleep.

There is nothing to do but
Continue to have faith in her.

So tonight I’m with you:
Tom, Ed, Bob...
Scrambling for a doorway;
A pathway beneath the
Weeds and leaves...
And it might just be a
Trick of the tears,
But sometimes I swear there’s a
Pale glimmer dancing in her eyes.
And all that is needed now is time.
For the sun will continue to shine,
Niagara will continue to fall,
And we will glide downstream, arm in arm:
Two pebbles embarking upon shore.

as usual, this was great

Cheers man...good to hear feedback from you. These parts are pretty dead at the moment. I haevn't seen this piece since i wrote it a few weeks back. Reading back i'm seriously considering cutting chunks from it. Does it drag? Are parts needed? I think it reads better without the second stanza...and then maybe trimming down the 4th...still not sure. Will play later =)

no, absolutely keep the second stanza. its kind of the non-sequitur that adds a little mystique and multiplicity of characters, even if we are just talking about one subject, to the piece. and the imagery of a ceramic smiling lion melting, love at!

like it.

I really like it and i think that real indicator of a great piece of writing is when an external audience can internalise and interpret your words to fit a situation in their lives. you did that for me and i think thats great.

A ceramic lion with
A glass smile
That melts and drains as
She spins away from the sun.

The best four lines of the poem, just an amzing image.
Some good character development, but the only line that i have a grievance with is the croutch one. i think it needes a bit of softening, possibly: lap, legs, just mey feelings.

Overall it builds into a great poem, i loved it